


The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions

by ThatWeirdGirlWhoWrites



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Lots of Angst, basically all three books from Gale's pov, canon-level violence, seriously this is not a happy fic, some non-explicit sex between teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-12
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 52,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWeirdGirlWhoWrites/pseuds/ThatWeirdGirlWhoWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a series of more or less connected scenes featuring the most misunderstood character in the whole Hunger Games Trilogy. My humble attempt at discovering how Gale became the way we know him.</p><p>[This is a repost of a story I published on FFN ages ago]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely people :)
> 
> This is a story I published on FFN about two years ago. For several reasons I stopped being active on FFN, but I'm still pretty fond of this fic (it was the first one I've ever written) so I decide to migrate it here. It is completely finished, but because I'm evil and love to torture my readers, I won't put it up all at once, but maybe two or three chapters a week.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter One**

 

He's only fourteen but he's still older than most of the children standing in line in the Justice Building. A dozen or so Seam kids whose childhood ended  _oh-too-soon_  that day last week when the sirens sounded and hell broke loose.

They haven't even retrieved the bodies yet. Completely extinguishing the fires and ridding the collapsed shaft of the rubble would be far too dangerous, the Capitol surveyor had said. " _It's far too expensive_ " is what he actually meant. The Capitol doesn't care about a few dead miners, eternally buried in the darkness of a collapsed shaft, as long as the other mines still produce their coal quotas.

So the grave of Gale's father keeps smoking.

* * *

When Mayor Undersee steps in front of him and pins a medal on his chest, talking of  _valour,_ and  _honour_  and all those other traits that sound like they don't fit into District 12, the small badge on Gale's chest feels as if it weighed the world. It might as well.

"Now you will have to be the man of the house, son." The mayor tells him with a fatherly pat on the shoulder and a sad smile. It's this moment that Gale decides that Mayor Undersee is a decent man. A kind man even, and that's a rarity in the harsh reality called Panem.

But the solace the mayor's warm, understanding look gave him only lasts for a second; because this is the time it takes Gale to realize that neither decency nor kindness will keep his younger brothers' plates filled.

* * *

A few nights after the ceremony Gale is ripped out of a nightmare by his mother's piercing screams. Seconds later he's by her side, ordering his eight-year-old brother Rory to fetch the midwife.

There is blood on Hazelle's sheets. Gale's panicking mind is racing and he's asking himself how he could possibly stand losing another parent so soon. The terrifying and very obvious answer is: he couldn't. His mother is the heart and soul of this family. There is no way Gale could get his siblings through this merciless, bitingly cold winter without her.

Thinking about his dependence makes him feel unbelievably weak and helpless. He hates the feeling.

Gale stays with his mother, holds her hand until the cold February air that's creeping through numerous cracks in the walls and roof makes his fingers numb.  _Someone ought to fix that,_ he thinks while he uses the last few pieces of wood from their stack to light up a small fire. And then he realizes that  _he_ is the only  _someone_ available to fix it.

His father is gone. His mother will be busy caring for a newborn child. His brothers are far too small. Anyone else will demand payment. It's either Gale or no one. If he won't do it, his family will be freezing for the rest of the winter. And that's how it'll always be from now on.

Mayor Undersee was right – Gale is the man of the house now. As he makes his way back to his mother's room he wants nothing more than to curl up beside her and be a little boy again.

* * *

Hazelle is going through a long and complicated birth. Gale paces up and down his mother's bedroom like a caged animal until the midwife – a scrawny old Seam woman with a voice like sandpaper rubbing on stone – resolutely orders him out.

He spends the rest of the night telling Rory and Vick stories of heroes with special powers who were admired by everyone and could save the world single-handedly, no matter how strong their enemy.

If he can't get his brothers to sleep, he can at least try to distract them from the unbearable pain their mother is enduring in the other room. It doesn't work. Gale can almost feel his heart breaking when Vick looks at him with big, scared eyes and asks: "When will mommy stop hurting?"

Of course he reassures the young boy; tells him not to worry, that everything will be fine and all the other pretty little lies that adults tend to tell children when they think the kids can't handle the truth.

Vick is a Hawthorne. He probably  _could_ handle the truth – but he shouldn't have to; not at this young age.

So Gale keeps telling his fairytales and his lies and starts wondering if there's actually a difference between the two of them.

And while his brothers are looking forward to hearing the high pitched cry of a baby that indicates that their brand new brother or sister has finally arrived, Gale is secretly glad for every single one of _Hazelle's_ screams because they are proving that she's still fighting, still holding on to her life.

* * *

Posy Hawthorne is born at the break of dawn. She's the sweetest little girl Gale has ever seen; with a shock of dark hair, grey Seam eyes and a cute little button nose – and Gale knows from the second he lays his eyes on her that he won't ever allow anyone to hurt his baby sister; that he'll always protect her, no matter what it takes.

He's relieved beyond believe as he's standing there in the doorway and watches his mother, weak, pale and sweaty, but  _alive_ and radiating happiness. She hasn't looked so young since the day her husband died – and there's a glimpse of her former beauty that the hard life in the Seam had taken away from her far too early showing on her face, despite her exhaustion.

Rory and Vick are peeking out from behind their brother's legs, trying to get a good look at the baby.

Hazelle smiles warmly as she tells her sons to come closer and then silently motions for Gale to hold Posy. She's warm and soft and innocent and Gale's throat tightens when he realizes that he is the closest thing to a father the little girl in his arms will ever have.

He's not planning on letting her down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 

Hazelle sleeps during the rest of the day, only waking up every few hours when Posy demands her mother's attention with hungry cries. Gale can hardly blame her.

It's Sunday, his day off from school, and Gale would have loved to spend it in bed, considering he has just gone through a sleepless night of fear and worries and waiting – but the draft of cold air that's making him shiver quickly reminds him that he can't allow himself to be lazy today.

So Gale reluctantly drags himself up and into the small kitchen and starts preparing breakfast – three small bowls of oatmeal and a slice of stale bread each for his brothers and himself, as well as the rest of the loaf and the last piece of cheese for his mother. She's sleeping peacefully when he comes into her room with the tray; Posy wrapped up in a blanket in a cradle that had been made for Gale more than fourteen years ago. His parents had kept it for all the children they might be blessed with in the future. His father had always wanted a daughter…

* * *

They are all freezing. Gale wants to heat up some water to make peppermint tea – Hazelle's favourite – but the box behind the door where they usually keep their firewood is empty. Right; he used the last of it up last night.

Rory teases his older brother about standing in the kitchen and doing  _women's work_ until Gale looses his temper and smacks the kid in the back of his head. A second later he already regrets it. What a horrible older brother he is! Horrible, selfish and so  _damn_  helpless. The boy has just lost his father and the best thing Gale has to do is being mean to him! He puts an extra spoonful of oatmeal into Rory's bowl and shoves it over the table with an apologetic look while he tries to suppress the upcoming feeling of self-loathing.

Rory may only be eight, but he understands his brother's intention, even if Gale doesn't voice the apology. Neither of them are great with words - never have been - but giving the other one some of one's own food is an accepted and well established way of showing affection in the Hawthorne household.

Outside the snow has started falling heavily again. By now they are all shivering. Vick can't even hold his spoon steady.

Finally Gale can't stand it anymore. He stands up, stomps to the bedroom he shares with his brothers and picks up all the blankets they have. Back in the kitchen he grips Rory and Vick by their upper arms and drags them almost roughly to the old, worn couch in the corner. The three boys finish their breakfast snuggled up against each other, wrapped up in three layers of thin, threadbare blankets, keeping themselves warm with body heat.

Their father would have chastised them for not eating properly at the table, but Gale is beyond caring. This is not a time for manners; it's a time for survival.

After they have finished their meagre meal, Gale orders Rory to clean the bowls and Vick to look after Hazelle and bring her one of the spare blankets. He's surprised when they obey without resistance.

Gale himself desperately searches the nearly empty cupboards for something valuable; something to trade.

After the commemoration when Gale had gotten his Medal of Valour, the mine's foreman had stopped him and given him his father's last pay check. Full salary, even though it had just been the first week of the month; by courtesy of the Capitol. Gale had just thanked the man and taken the envelope, suppressing the urge to punch someone in the face; preferably President Snow.

But now the money is running out and it is Gale's job the earn some more. If he doesn't do it, no one will.

* * *

_The Hob_. That's what his father once called the old storehouse at the outskirts of the Seam. It's that part of the District where the coal dust turns the snow black before the soft flakes even touch the ground. It's a good way to describe how Gale feels right now that he's standing there ready to break the law: defiled; robbed of his innocence before he even had the chance to grow up.

The sky is full with heavy, dark grey clouds and Gale feels awfully small underneath them. He has never been at the Hob before, although he knows that his father had been a well-known face at the black market.

The boy pops up the collar of the slightly too big winter coat that had belonged to his father, inhaling the familiar scent that's still sensible on the worn black fabric. A cold breeze ruffles his hair. In the end it's not a sudden flash of bravery or responsiblity, but simply the cold that drives him into the building.

* * *

For the first time in his life Gale wishes that he wasn't so damn tall. He feels like everybody in the old storehouse is staring at him, scanning his slightly too big coat, his nearly empty leather bag and the nervous facial expression he can't quite conceal.

It's unbelievably crowded, like some kind of assembly of the poorest of the poor; drunkards, gamblers, desperate people like him – and all those who make a living by taking advantage of them.

 _"One might think that there are certain things you just can't get your hands on here in Twelve, with the delivery problems and shortness in supply and everything."_ , Gale's father had once told him.  _"But that's not true, son. A clever man can get everything; he just needs to know where to look."_

Right now, Gale has not the slightest idea where to start looking.

* * *

Sae is probably the oldest person Gale has ever met. In District Twelve – and especially the Seam - reaching the age of fifty is a great and very rare achievement. Starvation, the black lung, an accident… There are many possibilities to die young here; especially for those who can't afford a healthy diet, let alone a doctor's fee.

The old woman with the soup stall looks like she has been fifty a decade ago.

Gale doesn't like the pitying way she's staring at him; as if he was lost little puppy. But when she waved him over, told him how much he looked like his father and placed a bowl of delicious smelling soup in front of him, his stomach took control and decided that free food was worth being pitied.

"What d'ya need, boy?" she asks him while he's hungrily scooping down the hot broth.

"Firewood," Gale lists between two spoonfuls. "Some kind of putty… and food. Something hearty that keeps your stomach full for a while."

The old woman nods in a very businesslike demeanour. "And what d'ya have to trade?"

Gale pulls a pair of gloves and two jars with preserved cherries out of his bag. The gloves had been his mother's New Year's present for his father, never worn and now useless. Gale has his own pair and his brothers' hands are too small for them. The cherries are something Hazelle had prepared as a treat for her sons. Too bad they don't need treats now, they need something more nourishing.

"That's all?"

He nods, his eyes pinned at the bowl in front of him. He  _knows_ it isn't enough, of course it isn't! But what is he supposed to do? It's all he has to offer. Except…


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The only person who has ever called Gale  _handsome_ was his mother when she was putting him into the outfit for his first reaping two years ago. Back then he had been too nervous to appreciate the compliment.

Now, he's nervous too.

The mayor's house is simply pristine. It's the most magnificent building in the whole District; as large as the Justice Building, but so much more pleasant to look at with its unblemished white façade, completely untouched by coal dust. A sight that almost seems to scream  _wealth_ at the poor coal miner's son standing in front of the mansion. It also seems to be screaming something else.  _We're better than you. You don't belong here. Go away!_

Gale knocks on the backdoor anyway.

* * *

It's a petite blond girl, maybe a year or two younger than Gale, who opens the door. She's wearing an expensive looking light blue dress and a matching ribbon in her hair. Instantly there's a strong feeling of dislike towards her forming in Gale's mind.

But then he remembers why he's here – and that his family's well-being pretty much depends on his success – so he smiles down at the girl and says in the politest voice he can manage: "Hello. I'd like to speak to Mrs Undersee. Is she at home?"

" _Of course_ she is!" answers the little girl as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Why would she be going outside in this weather?" She looks at Gale as if she considers him pretty stupid for not minding this himself. Then her bright blue eyes wander downwards from his face to his old, worn clothes and finally stick with his boots, smeared with a mixture of snow slush and the unavoidable coal dust.

"And what would  _you_ want from my mother?" she asks suspiciously after she has finished her examination.

Gale doesn't like the way she emphasizes the word  _you_. For some reason it makes him feel like vermin.

He lifts his chin and answers, equally haughtily: "I'm here to conduct business. With the lady of the house, not some  _child._ So would you mind fetching your mother now?"

The girl's eyes widen at this statement. For a second she seems almost speechless, but she catches her countenance admirably quickly again.

"I will go upstairs and see if she's up and ready to welcome visitors. You can come in and wait in the kitchen" she tells Gale with a gesture that can only be described as charitably generous. "But take your boots off first!" she adds and wrinkles her pretty little nose at him. "They are  _dirty._ "

When she turns around to leave, Gale can't keep himself from lifting up his left foot a bit, so the boot grazes the lower part of her dress, near the hem, and leaves a long, ugly stain on the fine fabric. She doesn't notice it yet, but the mental image of her reaction when she finally will puts the first genuine grin in weeks on Gale's face.

* * *

The mayor's wife reminds Gale very much of his own mother – not physically, since Mrs Undersee's looks are as light as Hazelle's are dark – but the sadness in their eyes resembles each other almost exactly. It's the look of a woman who has endured much more sorrow than anyone ever should. This realization surprises Gale – what terrible problems could a member of the richest family in District 12 possibly have?

But there's no doubt; this woman is broken. Gale sees it in the way she holds her fragile figure; in her hollow gaze that traces his features almost… longingly?

"A woman named Sae sent me to your house, ma'am." Gale chokes out. He feels uncomfortable, standing here in the mayor's kitchen with his wife wearing only a dressing gown over a silken nightshirt. They're only talking, but there's something distinctly  _forbidden_ about the whole situation.

"She told me you might be interested in buying some fruit?" His fingers feel numb and it takes him a few seconds to fumble the cherry jars out of his bag. He presents them to her with the most charming smile he can muster. He has never tried to be charming before; but apparently it works.

* * *

He never knows how he ended up trapped between the kitchen sink and Mrs Undersee. Her long, twiggy fingers skim up and down his collar and she looks into his eyes with a desperate look, desperate and so _incredibly lonely,_ whispering about how handsome Gale is.

* * *

_"You're a very handsome lad."_  Greasy Sae had told him merely an hour ago. " _And Undersee's wife is a very lonely woman. Could be a lotta money in there for you, if you play it right."_ Then she had given Gale a wink that made her old face even wrinklier than it already was. He didn't understand what she meant. Now he understands too well.

* * *

"I'd pay you for more than the cherries, you know…" she offers. Mrs Undersee's voice is slurry and for a moment Gale assumes she's drunk. But she can't be; after all it's only noon and she as a reputation to maintain. He thinks that she might be under the influence of some kind of medication…

"My husband is working – of course; isn't that what he always does?" There is a certain edge in Mrs Undersee's tone, but Gale isn't sure if it's only frustration or something deeper.

He swallows hard. Gale isn't naïve, no, certainly not – you can't be naïve growing up in the Seam. He  _knows_ what she's suggesting. It's not unheard of. In fact, Gale has  _seen_ the young women lurking around Head Peacekeeper Cray's house at the break of dark, desperately hoping for an offer similar to the one the mayor's wife, damn, the mayor's  _wife_ has just made him. But he isn't that desperate. Not yet.

All he can think of is the kind and consoling way the mayor had talked to him during that ceremony in the Justice Building.

So he opens his mouth, but she doesn't give him the opportunity to speak. Instead, she puts a pale finger on his lips. Gale can't help but notice how soft her skin is.

But then, suddenly too soon, it's over. She's backing off a few steps, releasing Gale from what felt like an iron cage. He didn't realise he's been holding his breath.

Mrs Undersee's eyes wander along his body one more time before she starts laughing. Her laughter is almost hysterical, but it still lets tiny little bits of the beauty she might once have possessed show through her cool façade.

"Oh my, what am I talking about? You're barely more than a child! Let's give you some time, won't we?"

With that she strides over to the kitchen cabinet and takes out a small box. Gale's eyes widen when he sees the amount of coins she takes out of it. They widen even more when she comes back, reaches behind him and puts the money into the back pocket of his trousers, her gaze never leaving his face, taking in every little emotion showing there.

"I'll take the cherries" the mayor's wife whispers hoarsely. "Although I like strawberries better. Come back in a few months when the strawberries are ripe, then there's a lot more of  _that_ waiting for you." She softly pats the pocket with the money in it. Gale can only nod.

* * *

_Handsome._ Gale has never wasted a single thought about if he was handsome. Apparently he is. He's not sure whether that's a good thing…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for little Madge! She's one of my favourite characters and I don't want to reveal too much, but you should probably be ready for some Gadge feelings a few chapters ahead ;)
> 
> As for Mrs Undersee - well, I hope you don't think I butchered her character somehow... We don't know much about her, so I decided to give my personal version of her a try.
> 
> Honestly, I wasn't too sure about this whole chapter. It just didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to be :/ Maybe because it contained more dialogue than the previous ones and I SUCK at writing dialogue...
> 
> So, please tell me your opinions! I'm happy about any kind of feedback, positive or negative (as long as it helps me to improve my writing) :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Gale comes home with a bag full of delicacies: potatoes, cheese, milk and even a fresh loaf of bread. The smell alone is enough to make his mouth water.

He also has a whole load of firewood – almost too much for him to carry home on his own – and a jar of putty from the carpenter's shop in town.

When Hazelle comes into the main room in the afternoon she finds her eldest son standing on a chair and fixing the leaks in the roof.

That evening at dinner she pulls the chair where Mr Hawthorne used to sit back for Gale and fills his plate first before moving on to her younger sons and herself. Gale allows himself a small smile because he knows that's her way of telling him she's proud.

* * *

Gale spends almost half an hour in front of the old, tinged mirror that night. The face staring back at him – pale, narrow, with dark circles under the eyes - doesn't look like it belongs to a fourteen-year-old boy, but Gale assumes that's just how the world goes – some things make you grow up more quickly than you should.

He's still not quite sure if he's  _handsome_. But one thing he's sure of is that there's something of his father in him; in his strong jaw line, the elegant curve of his cheekbones and the determination in his grey Seam eyes.

Gale doesn't really care whether he's considered good-looking. He resembles his father, that's what's important to him.

* * *

That night, Gale lies awake and makes plans. It's something that comes surprisingly natural to him. His sharp mind analyzes the facts easily.

1: Mrs Undersee has paid him too much for the cherries. Far too much. That's the only reason why he was able to afford all of the stuff he bought today.

2: He can't go back to her unless… well, he  _could_ go back to her, but he won't. He doesn't need to – because the visit to the Undersees' mansion hasn't only brought Gale a considerable amount of money and a strange new point of view when it comes to Mrs Undersee, but also something else, something eternally more valuable. Something that could save Gale's dignity as well as his family from starving: an idea.

* * *

_Green and lush and clean – everything just seemes so much better in the woods._

_Gale is eight when is father takes him out there for the first time. He knows his mother doesn't like it; she's always afraid they might get lost or arrested or eaten by something. The thought makes Gale laugh. No animal would dare to attack him while his father protects him._

_For the young boy, all of this is one big adventure. Within the boundaries of the District, there's no such thing as_ freedom.  _But out here he's allowed to laugh and to scream and to run around wherever he pleases. His father even teaches him how to climb._

_When he reaches the top of the tree, Gale realizes for the first time how unbelievably big the world actually is; how big and how beautiful. He's too young to understand why they can't just keep walking, always chasing the horizon, just his father and him._

_It's Gale's biggest dream from that moment on, running away from the District, being free. He's also too young to understand that fulfilling this dream would most likely mean imminent execution for all the people they left behind._

_But the idea sticks, somewhere in the back of his mind._

* * *

It's been over a year since he's been in the woods, but Gale remembers the place near the meadow where his father used to enter them.

He throws a stick against the fence to see if it's electrified before he quickly looks behind him and slips underneath. He's careful – everything else would be stupid - but not the slightest bit afraid.

Gale has been nervous when he went to the Hob; he has been somewhat scared when he stood in that kitchen with Mrs Undersee – but he isn't afraid of going into the woods. It's the place where he feels safest.

* * *

It almost feels like he's set the snare a thousand times. His hands remember the motions, even if his mind doesn't. It takes Gale only a few tries until he has constructed a decent trap, just like his father had shown him years ago. Excitedly he sets a few more.

He just  _knows_ where to place them. His eyes recognize the paths the animals leave in their search for water or shelter. He easily spots the right places to set a trap without even looking for them.

There is adrenaline rushing through Gale's veins. Maybe he has just found something he's really good at.

* * *

When he comes back the next morning and discovers a rabbit dangling from one of his snares, it is a victory. A victory against the Capitol and the Peacekeepers and this whole horrible system that forces them to watch their neighbours drop from starvation in the middle of the street, unable to help them.

For the first time since his father's death, Gale feels like his life belongs to him. It's up to him if his siblings live or die; their fate is in his hands. But this time, the realization doesn't scare him, no. It makes him happy beyond belief because he knows that he's capable of accomplishing the task. He can do this. The thought is almost as satisfying as spitting in Snow's face.

The woods have become Gale's saviour.

* * *

"I've started poaching."

"You'll still have to sign up for more tessarae."

It's the strangest conversation Gale has ever had with his mother. No yelling, no scolding, no pleading, just stating two facts neither of them like, but both of them have to accept.

Hazelle hates the thought of one of her sons venturing out of the District as much as Gale hates the knowledge that his name will be in that damn glass ball even more times than it already is, but they both know it's necessary.

Gale's stomach turns. He doesn't want to think about the reaping.

"What's that?" He points at the huge amount of different kinds of clothing lying next to Hazelle on the kitchen table.

"My job," she answers without looking up from the water she's heating.

Gale raises his eyebrows.

"I'm doing laundry for some people from town," she explains. "It's not much, but it earns a few coins extra."

"But Ma, you don't have to…" Gale starts, but his mother never gives him a chance to finish.

"Yes, I have, and you know it," she snaps. Then she sees the hurt expression on her son's face and her own look becomes softer. "I know you don't want to hear that, Gale, but you're still a boy. You  _can't_ replace your father yet – and you shouldn't have to." She pulls him down by his collar and softly kisses his forehead. "But you're doing really well."

Gale briefly wonders if she had expected anything less than  _well_  from him.

"Can you skin that rabbit for me?" Hazelle asks and Gale understands that the conversation is over.

As he turns to leave the kitchen, a glimpse of light blue fabric catches his eye.

"Is that the mayor's daughter's dress?" he asks surprised.

Hazelle nods. "It has an ugly stain at the back. I wonder how that girl managed to get it that dirty…" Then she turns her head to her son. "How come you recognize the dress? You're not suddenly into fashion, are you?"

Gale bolts out of the room, stuttering something about having seen the mayor's daughter wearing that dress at school, and desperately hoping his mother doesn't notice his blush.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)
> 
> Secondly: I know there isn't actually much happening in this chapter (I admit it is more of a filler), but that will change in the next one, so hopefully you'll stick with me :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again my lovely readers! Those of you who are familiar with the HG books (which I assume is basically umm, all of you) might notice that I've taken a few lines in this chapter directly from Suzanne Collins' work (although I've altered the scene a tiny little bit). Of couse I do not claim to have written those lines myself; as always: I own nothing!

**Chapter 5**

 

Gale obeys his mother's wishes and drags himself to school the next morning – more for Hazelle's sake than for his own. He deems sitting in that small, dusty classroom all day and listening to the Capiol's glorious lies pretty useless. Getting good grades doesn't bother him either, because why should he care if he already knows that the only path he can possibly take will lead him down into the darkness of the mines?

But Gale goes because his mother wants him to and he couldn't stand causing her even more worries. Well, he goes most of the time. Once a while he takes a day off to spend it in his beloved woods that have become somewhat of a hiding place from reality for him. He thinks he deserves those little breaks.

* * *

As time goes by, there is some sort of routine established in the Hawthorne household.

The boys go to school and Hazelle takes care of Posy and the housework. In the afternoon, Gale slips under the fence and sells part of his haul at the Hob afterwards, while Rory and Vick run around town and collect laundry. The have their own system worked out.

When Gale comes home the small house in the Seam always smells of fresh soap. It's nice, although he likes the smell of the forest better.

Posy is an unusually calm baby; she almost never cries at night, as if she knew that her mother and brothers need every minute of sleep they can get. Not that it helps Gale that much – he's still ripped out of his sleep by nightmares of explosions and his father's bloody, burned body on a regular base.

But they get by. They carry on. Of course they do, because what else is there to be done?

And finally, after what seemed like a never-ending nightmare of darkness and cold and worries, the bitterest winter anyone can remember releases District 12 from its freezing grip and spring rises again, bright and promising and hopeful.

When Gale wakes up to the chirping of birds one morning, he knows instinctively that everything will get easier,  _better_ from now on.

He is right.

* * *

The girl is really nothing special. Small, scrawny, not particularly pretty. Gale would've probably never noticed her – if she hadn't been out in the woods all alone and attempting to steal from his snare.

"Stealing is punishable by death, you know?"

The girl jumps and quickly takes a step back; her dark braid whipping to both sides as she looks out for the speaker.

Gale can't keep the corners of his mouth from curling up the tiniest little bit when he notices the scared, startled expression on her face; very much like prey in front of a predator. It doesn't surprise him; he must be at least a foot taller than she is.

"I wasn't stealing it. Just looking at your snare." Gale can tell she tries to sound calm and confident – she fails miserably. "Mine never catch anything."

He raises his eyebrows. So she's actually out here to hunt? Of course she is, why else would she risk going into the woods! She's just so young, so tiny, so  _fragile..._

Now that Gale gives her a closer look he notices her collarbone clearly standing out under her olive skin. She looks like she hasn't eaten properly in weeks. Like Gale's brothers would probably look if he wasn't there to provide for them. A flash of sympathy for the little girl jolts through Gale and makes his stern face soften.

"Then how did you catch this?" he asks with genuine curiosity and points to the squirrel that's hanging from her belt.

As an answer, the girl turns around, revealing a wooden bow and a quiver full of arrows that look handmade. The bow is almost as large as the girl herself.

Gale's jaw drops. A weapon. A real weapon. Possession of any kind of weapons is strictly forbidden in District 12; this stupid little girl could be  _killed_ if she was caught carrying around that bow.

But then again, the mere thought that someone in the District is actually capable of producing weapons… it excites Gale.

"Can I see that?" he asks, his gaze fixed on the bow.

The girl hesitates for a second, then she shrugs and hands it over to him. "Just remember, stealing in punishable by death."

That actually makes Gale laugh.

The bow is magnificent. Gale's fingers brush along the polished wood, admiring its beauty. If this little girl can run around with a weapon like that completely unnoticed by the Peacekeepers, then maybe more people could start arming themselves, one by one, until they were finally enough to…

"Can I have that back now?" the girl interrupts his thoughts, eyeing him warily.

Gale just swallows and hands the bow over, pushing the images of arming and fighting and rebellion right back into the back of his mind.

* * *

"Catnip? Your name is  _Catnip_? Like the plant?"

"No. It's  _Katniss_. Like… the other plant."

"Oh, okay." He nods. "I'm Gale."

Katniss locks eyes with him, her gaze as intense as if she wanted to explore his soul.

"The name fits you" she finally states, without ever explaining why.

* * *

At first, they can't really stand each other.

Gale quickly learns that Katniss' father also died in that mine accident, so they help each other out occasionally, because they both feel like kids like them should stick together. He teaches her a few basic snares; she tells him all she knows about plants in return – which is actually a lot.

They're a good team, but a reluctant one. Trust isn't something you build easily when you grow up in the Seam.

* * *

One day, a few months after they first met, Katniss is suddenly standing in the Hawthornes' backyard.

Gale's sitting on the porch blowing bubbles for his siblings, using a ring formed out of wire and some bubble liquid made out of his mother's spare soap. Posy is giggling with delight while Rory and Vick are pushing and shoving and nearly running over each other, eager to see who can make more of the bubbles burst. They don't even notice the arrival of the unexpected visitor.

Gale doesn't ask Katniss what she wants or how she knows where he lives. The Seam is small, after all.

"Your sister?" she asks, leaning down to Posy who instantly grabs Katniss' braid with her tiny little fingers. The older girl doesn't seem to mind. Gale nods and smiles fondly at the sight.

There's a questioning look in Katniss' eyes when she looks up at Gale, as if she was trying to figure out something very important.

"You love them very much, don't you? All of them" she adds with a vague gesture in the boys' direction.

"Yes. I do." Gale answers honestly. The question surprises him. "How could someone not love their siblings?"

His answer seems to please her.

"You're different when you're with them." Katniss muses. "Not so surly. Not so… angry." Then she turns to face him again. "I have a younger sister, too, you know? You can come over for dinner tonight, if you want to meet her."

And while saying that, Katniss Everdeen presents Gale Hawthorne with a smile. It's surprises him. She never smiles, except in the woods.

* * *

When they meet in the woods the next morning, Katniss brings along a second bow for Gale.

"It was my father's" she tells him.

He knows what that means.  _It was my father's. I'll trust you to treat it carefully. Don't make me regret my trust._

* * *

When the wild strawberries are ripe, Gale takes Catnip along to the mayor's house to sell them. Mrs Undersee is eagerly awaiting him, but she seems a bit disappointed when she catches sight of his companion.

The second time they come around it's her daughter who opens the door.

"Pretty dress." Gale greets her with a sly grin.

Her eyes narrow as she looks at him and suddenly he's sure she knows how that muddy footprint got on her dress last winter.

* * *

And slowly but noticeably, things get better. There are still nights when Gale is going to bed with an empty stomach – but the fact that it's him and not his younger siblings makes him proud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, remember when I said I planned something controversial for this chapter? Yeah? Well, I pretty much scrapped the idea and changed some things; so what you are getting now is basically a light version of what I initially planned. There is some sexual content, but it isn't much and not too explicit, so I felt no need to change the rating of the whole story to M (if you think I should, feel free to tell me). Just thought I'd warn you. Enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

 

Her name is Heather. She has blonde, curly hair and blue eyes, a little gap between her front teeth and quite a well-fed body with invitingly wide hips and large, pale breasts which are barely covered by the low-cut dresses she wears.

But what Gale likes most about her is that she doesn't object the slightest when he takes her to the slag heap one warm spring evening a few days after his sixteenth birthday. He doesn't even have to ask her to take her clothes off; she starts undressing all by herself.

Gale isn't sure, but he thinks he might just be falling in love with Heather.

She isn't like all the other haughty, stuck up town girls; she doesn't scrunch up her nose at him and she never calls him a filthy Seam rat. That particular night she's far too busy moaning his name to call him anything at all.

After they are done, Gale is lying in the soft grass, naked and sweaty, trying to catch his breath and beaming happily, still caught up in the bliss of the aftershock. When his pulse finally comes back to normal, Heather is already dressed again. She leans down to softly kiss his flushed cheek and tells him he has done really well, especially considering it had been his first time. Then she leaves Gale in the darkness of the nightly slag heap and hurries back to town.

* * *

Two weeks later she traps him after school, dragging him into a quite corridor and speaking those words that spoil Gale's appetite for the first time in his life: "I am pregnant."

Gale has never been so terrified. All he wants is to jump the fence, disappear into his beloved woods and never return again – but of course he doesn't do it. His parents have taught him better than to leave the poor girl struggling on her own.

So he grabs Heather's hand and takes her to his family's house in the Seam (that's too small for five people already, let alone seven) and confesses the night on the slag heap and its disastrous result to his mother.

Hazelle listens calmly and patiently while her son explains. When he's finished there are five, ten, fifteen seconds of silence.

The next thing Gale knows is a sharp pain as his mother starts smacking him with the wooden spoon she was holding. He makes a mental note never to confess any misdeeds again while she's cooking.

* * *

"I am really disappointed in you," Hazelle states after Heather's gone home and mother and son sit face to face at the kitchen table, their eyes illuminated by dim candle light. She's calm again, her usual composed self, but those quiet words hurt Gale far more than her angry smacks earlier; they make something deep inside of his chest ache and drive hot blood into his cheeks.

"I know," is all he manages to choke out. His gaze stays pinned to the wooden table in front of him.

"You're only sixteen, Gale," his mother continues in the same calm manner that nearly drives Gale insane. He almost wishes she'd yell at him. That would make the guilt more bearable. "Your father was sixteen when we fell in love, so I know what sixteen-year-old boys can be like."

Is that a tear in Hazelle's eye? Gale has never seen his mother cry. Not once.

"But I actually thought you were mature enough to understand that you are in a situation where you simply can't allow yourself to act like a sixteen-year-old boy!" She leans forward and lifts her son's chin, her fingers rough, chapped from scrubbing other people's dirty laundry all day.

"I'm sorry, Ma. I was stupid, I should have known…" Gale buries his face in his hands. "I'm  _so sorry_ …" Of course he knows perfectly well that his apologies won't make it any better, but he doesn't have anything else to say. His eyes meet his mother's for a second; deep and grey and sad.

"Her parents don't know yet?" Hazelle asks very matter-of-factly.

"No," Gale answers. "She says they'll probably kick her out if they find out."

Hazelle stands up, brushes her hands off on the apron she's wearing and sighs.

"Well, then we better put some spare blankets on the couch for her."

* * *

Gale tries to talk to Heather for the next four days. She doesn't show up at school; so he skulks around her parents' house in town, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. He's worried; so worried that he even returns there at night and throws pebbles against her window. Unfortunately Heather's mother seems to have a lighter sleep than she has and suddenly Gale his sprinting back towards the Seam as if a pack of wild dogs were chasing him. He hears the woman's upset screeches until he's about half a mile away.

* * *

When she's finally back at school, she doesn't look Gale into the eyes.

"I got heavy bleedings a few nights ago" she tells him, her milk pale hands grabbing her books so tightly her knuckles stand out. "I'm sorry."

Gale isn't sure he understands. They don't teach those things at school.

"So… you lost it?" he asks, trying to ignore the knot in his stomach.

Heather's eyes are piercing, but also shining with tears when she finally looks up at him and hisses: "No, stupid! There has never been an  _it_!"

Then she seems to collect herself again. After a few moments, she reaches for Gale's hand and strokes it softly. He just stares at her expectantly.

Heather sighs. Suddenly she doesn't look pretty anymore, just very, very tired.

"I'm sorry. I've been mistaken," she whispers. "I thought I was pregnant because I didn't bleed that month… But apparently that can happen from time to time, especially to young girls; if they don't eat properly or if they're sick…" She sighs again. "My older sister explained it to me. I don't know what the cause for the irregularity was, but now it's over."

Gale swallows hard. "There is no baby? You sure?" he probes, gripping her hand tighter.

"Yes," Heather answers. "We were lucky this time, Gale." She hesitates a few seconds before she goes onto her tiptoes and plants a soft kiss on Gale's cheek. "This time. But I won't risk that again. I was so scared…" Now the tears start flowing freely. "I  _can't_ risk that again. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

 _Sorry to have bothered you._  Those are the words she leaves Gale behind with. He's a young man caught up in a cage of strange emotions; relief, of course – but also a slight sort of disappointment and loss…

No, Gale isn't really sure what to feel as he watches the first girl he thought he could've loved walk away from him.

He never talks to her again.

* * *

The next time Gale sees Heather is when her shaky legs carry her up onto the stage where Effie Trinket's mask-like face greets her with the usual bizarre grin. She's crying and there is not much left of the pretty girl from the slag heap.

Gale briefly considers saying goodbye to her, but then just decides on going home instead. He doesn't have the slightest idea what to say to her.

* * *

Gale closes his eyes when the spear enters her body. He knew she'd never survive the bloodbath, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

That night, after the broadcast is over and the electricity is turned off again, Gale runs deeper into the woods than he's ever been, he runs until his lungs ache and he just can't go any further.

Catnip finds him a few hours later, desperately screaming at the sky, ranting about the Hunger Games and the unjust system and the Capitol and everything and everyone else he blames in any way for the world's cruelty. His fists are raw and bloody from punching the trees.

Catnip doesn't ask any questions. She just lets him rant until most of his anger is blown and all that's left is a slight burning deep in his heart. Then she takes a first aid kit out of her bag and silently starts to clean and bandage his hands.

* * *

He never tells Catnip about his connection to Heather. They share a big part of their lives, but this is a secret Gale feels he has to keep. He's afraid she'd think less of him; he doesn't want his shame to stain their friendship. Heather doesn't belong into their woods.

And Catnip never asks him about girls or romance - romance doesn't seem to exist in her life – so he isn't exactly lying to her.

But Gale does tell his father. He spends hours sitting in the meadow, all alone, staring up at the stars in the sky and having silent conversations with his father. He talks about how stupid he was, how careless and irresponsible. He promises to do better – and he keeps his promise.

Of course, Gale is still a teenage boy; a teenage boy who knows  _exactly_  how handsome he is.

The girls keep noticing him and he keeps noticing the girls. There are still those warm summer nights up on the slag heap, still kisses in the backyard of the school – but that's it. He never goes too far again.

Because that night after Heather's death Gale Hawthorne makes a vow: he'll be responsible from now on. He'll do what's best for his family, no matter how hard it is for him.

The next time he sleeps with a woman, she'll be his wife and it'll be their wedding night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have a thousand things to say about this chapter, but I don't want these author's notes to get longer than the actual chapters, so I'm just gonna wait for any feedback from you and respond individually (if any questions or something come up).
> 
> The focus in this chapter was basically on moral development and it wasn't really necessary to bring the story forward, but I still felt like I needed to include something like that (especially considering that scene in Mockingjay where Gale tells Katniss how many girls he has kissed which seems to make half the fandom think Gale was some kind of player who went around screwing every girl in the District -.-).
> 
> So, what do you think? Love it? Hate it?


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

"Can you just shut up already and keep that damn rabbit?" Catnip glares at Gale, her patience clearly wearing thin.

"No, I won't!" Gale snaps back at her, equally annoyed. "Your mother gave me the cough medicine for Vick; that rabbit's the payment for it, now  _take it_!"

They are standing in the middle of the Hob, exchanging fiery glances, staring each other down, neither of them wavering, like two thunderclouds clashing. It's the best piece of entertainment the folks at the black market have seen in a while.

"I already have that squirrel; that's enough," Catnip explains. "A family of five needs more than a family of three.  _You_ take that rabbit."

Many things have changed over the past three and a half years. She's still small – not as skinny as when Gale first met her, but a lot smaller than he is – but she isn't the slightest bit afraid of him anymore. No, Catnip doesn't seem to be afraid of anything. The way she's staring into Gale's eyes, fierce determination reflecting in her own…

The desperate, fatherless, starving girl from the woods has become a strong, capable young woman, the way she has to be if she wants to survive in the harsh reality of the Seam. The kind of woman Gale hopes for his sister to be when she's grown up.

"I just don't want to owe you," he tells her, more softly now.

"You don't," she answers and thrusts the dead rabbit into Gale's hands. "We're partners, remember?"

* * *

"You know, I'd take that rabbit if neither of you wants it…" the redheaded Peacekeeper says when Gale and Catnip join him at Greasy Sae's stall. Gale assumes he's joking around, but Catnip takes his offer seriously – of course she does; she takes  _everything_ seriously.

"What d'you have to offer for it?" she asks without looking up from her soup.

The Peacekeeper grins.  _Darius, that's his name,_ Gale thinks. He isn't sure though.

"Oh, I don't know… how about a kiss?" Darius wiggles his eyebrows and pouts his lips. Catnip stops eating long enough to give him a snort.

"No?" Darius shrugs. "Alright then, your loss. That was a really good deal, you know? Actually one of my kisses is worth a lot more than one ratty rabbit." He turns to go but then changes his mind a second later. "You know, I might be willing to grant you a free trial…"

The moment Darius puts his white-gloved hand onto Katniss' arm and brings his face close to hers is the moment when Gale sees red.

* * *

If it hadn't been for Greasy Sae, Gale would've attacked Darius right then. He doesn't care that Darius is obviously only teasing, joking around. He doesn't even care that this man is a  _Peacekeeper_ , that he could have Gale arrested or whipped or worse.

All Gale sees is a man touching Catnip when she doesn't want it.

Darius is actually a nice guy; friendly, funny even. He has a good heart. But right now, Gale feels like punching him in his ever grinning face.

"Don't do it, boy," Greasy Sae's dry voice rips Gale out of his boiling thoughts. "Ya know he doesn't mean it."

Gale looks over to the two of them, the poacher and the Peacekeeper. He's playing with her braid by now and Gale wants to throw up. Sae only laughs at the look on his face.

"Darius wouldn't do anything," she says. "He comes here far too often; he knows better than to try his luck with Katniss."

Gale shoots her a questioning glance.

"Don't worry, Hawthorne. Ev'ry man in the Hob knows that she is yours." She laughs again. "Especially since you made a habit of standing in the middle of a crowd and arguing like an old married couple!"

* * *

When Gale falls asleep that night he's holding a picture in his hands; an old, yellowed photograph showing a tall, handsome young man in dress pants and a beautiful dark-haired woman wearing a borrowed white dress. Her hair is decorated with flowers and the two of them look at each other lovingly, as if nothing in the world would matter,  _could ever matter,_ except for their love.

"How did you know it, Pa?" Gale whispers before drifting to the land of sleep completely. "How did you know Ma was the one?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as some of you might have figured out by now, we have reached the actual HG books. This chapter is basically the beginning of THG in Gale's POV, therefore it was unevitable to use some quotes directly from the book. Those are written by Suzanne Collins; I simply re-used them and would never dare to claim them as my own :)
> 
> But enough disclaimer/author's note for now - here's the next chapter; I hope you enjoy it :)

**Chapter 8**

 

 _Mr Mellark is a good man_ , Gale thinks.

"It's already skinned and gutted, sir," he says as he hands a wrapped up squirrel over to the baker. Normally Gale doesn't really care that much about manners, but his father had always taught him to be polite to people he respects.

"Thank you, Gale." Mr Mellark smiles kindly at him.

 _He even knows my name,_ Gale thinks. _  
_

The baker takes the meat and disappears inside the bakery, only to return with two loaves of bread a moment later.

"This is for your family," he says and holds up the bigger one. "And this is for you and your friend".

Gale is surprised. Two fresh loaves are far too much for one squirrel – he knows that and the baker knows it, too, but neither of them mention it.

Any other day, Gale's pride wouldn't have allowed him to accept charity; but today is different. He might very well be on a train to the Capitol before the sun sets, leaving his family without their main provider. Right now, Gale has to take everything he can get.

"Thank you, sir," he mutters. He turns to leave, but the baker's voice stops him.

"Oh, and Gale?"

"Yes?"

"Good luck for the reaping," Mr Mellark says with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Thank you, sir" Gale repeats. He doesn't return the wish, although he knows that two of the baker's sons are still eligible for the Hunger Games. But – how many entries can they possibly have? They don't need luck.

* * *

In the woods Gale pierces the smaller loaf with an arrow in an attempt to make Catnip laugh when he hears her arrive.

"Look what I shot!" he tells her, holding it up. It works. She laughs.  _Good,_ Gale thinks,  _everything that cheers her up today is good._

Her smile makes her even more beautiful. In the past few months, Gale has somehow become almost addicted to the sound of Catnip's laughter, doing everything in his power to make her laugh more often.

It's awkward, sitting here, surrounded by the peace of their woods, enjoying food and joking around when they both know this might very well be their last day together. Gale doesn't want to think about the twenty slips with Catnip's name on it – or about the  _forty-two_ bearing his own.

The sky is blue, crystal clear, and the birds are singing. It's the most beautiful day of the year so far.

Gale has never been so afraid.

* * *

"We could do it, you know," Gale says quietly. "Leave the District. Run off. Live in the woods." He looks at her beautiful face. "You and I, we could make it." He means every single word. Catnip and him together, they could do anything. Anything.

But she just frowns.

"If we didn't have so many kids," Gale adds quickly when he notices the change in her expression. He doesn't want to upset her in any way, doesn't want to darken the mood. Not today. There's already enough darkness coming ahead, hovering over their heads like thunderclouds darkening the perfectly blue summer sky.

"I never want to have kids," Catnip whispers, her gaze focused on the fresh, deliciously smelling bread in her hands.

"I might. If I didn't live here," Gale replies. He doesn't say what he's actually thinking – that he wants children more than anything and that the wants Katniss Everdeen to be their mother. He can't tell her that. He knows exactly that she isn't interested in him – or any other man – not interested in having a relationship, let alone talk about marriage and starting a family. Not yet. But she will be, in a few years; Gale is certain of it. He has a plan – of course, he always has! He will be patient and give Catnip all the time she needs. And when she is finally ready; Gale will be the man of her choice. He'll take care of her; make her happy. They'll be partners for more than just hunting.

Yes, Gale is certain of it – Catnip's and his story will have a happy ending. Anything else is unthinkable.

* * *

As usual, it's the mayor's daughter who opens the door when they come to deliver the strawberries.

She is wearing a posh white dress and her hair is tied up with a pink ribbon. Posy would have loved it, but Gale just finds it ridiculous. But the most outrageous thing about her appearance is a golden pin on her chest that could probably feed Gale's whole family for a month or longer. It disgusts him. How can she dare to wear it today when she knows she'll soon be standing in the middle of an assembly of all the Seam people who don't even have enough money to buy food, let alone jewellery? How can she rub her family's wealth into their faces without dying from shame?

"Pretty dress," he finally says. It  _is_ a pretty dress, but Gale doesn't want to compliment her. He wants to confront her, to let her know he has noticed what she's doing.

The mayor's daughter eyes him narrowly, presses her lips together and then smiles.

"Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don't I?" she snaps.

Gale can hear the rush of his own blood. He can't even begin to describe how much he hates this spoiled brat who's just casually standing there and making jokes about what is very well a real, deadly possibility for other people when she knows exactly that it is most certainly not going to happen to her.

"You won't be going to the Capitol," he says coolly. "What can you have? Five entries?" He puts as much venom into his tone as possible. "I had six when I was only twelve years old."

"That's not her fault," Catnip interposes, calm as ever, almost indifferent. Sometimes Gale doesn't understand her at all.

"No, it's no one's fault," he says. "Just the way it is."

The mayor's daughter's face has become closed off.

"Good luck, Katniss," she says before closing the door.

No  _good luck_  for Gale. Of course not. He didn't expect any better from  _her_ …

* * *

When he steps out of the metal bathtub, scrubbed clean to the edge of rawness, Gale finds clean dark pants and a nice, light blue dress shirt hanging over a chair. He recognizes the garments immediately – they had belonged to his father.

Gale puts them on and stands in front of the mirror. He is amazed to see how perfectly they fit. When exactly did he grow into them?

* * *

"I have a bad feeling, Ma," Gale admits when he's alone with his mother, standing on the porch and waiting for his brothers. Four-year-old Posy is sitting on the stairs and playing with her rag doll, totally oblivious to the tension that's noticeable all over the District today. Lucky girl. Gale dreads the day when she finally will understand what Reaping day is about; when she will be robbed of her childlike insouciance by the brutal ways of the system.

He prays it won't be today.

"It's your last year, Gale," Hazelle reassures him, her voice calm, but somehow so  _awfully_  weak it almost breaks Gale's heart. "You only have to be lucky one more time, and then it'll be over."

 _No, it won't be over,_ Gale thinks. It'll be over for _him_ , but then there'll still be Catnip to worry about, and Prim and Rory whose names are in that glass ball for the first time this year. Then, two years from now, it'll be Vick standing there, shaking with fear and desperately hoping he'll be spared. And just when Vick is finally safe, it'll be Posy's turn. Sweet, innocent Posy… she'd never stand a chance in the Games and Gale knows it. But if she gets chosen, there won't be anything to do…

But right now, Posy isn't the one to worry about, so Gale just nods, forces a tense smile on his face and leans down to allow his mother to kiss his forehead.

"Maybe everything's just going to be fine this one time…" Hazelle whispers as she pulls her eldest son into a hug. "Maybe the odds are actually in our favour…"

Gale doubts it. The odds are  _never_ in his favour.

* * *

Rory is a real Hawthorne. Fierce, determined and – most of all – stubborn as a mule.

It has taken a huge amount of angry yelling on Gale's side and reasonable arguments on Hazelle's to convince the boy not to sign up for tesserae the month after he had turned twelve.

Back then, Rory had been eager to help, to support his family like Gale did. But now, standing there in Gale's first Reaping outfit, looking pale and nervous, he seems to be pretty relieved that his mother and older brother wouldn't allow him to add his name more times.

Gale is still proud of him.

* * *

Hazelle is right. Gale's only chance is to be  _lucky_  one more time. There is nothing he can do, nothing he can say to change his odds. No matter how strong he is, how brave, how determined – he is helpless, powerless against the Reaping. It doesn't matter how good of a person he is – it's just pure luck.

Being helpless,  _knowing_ he won't be able to change anything, no matter how hard he tries, how hard he struggles – it's the worst feeling in the world.


	9. Chapter 9

One thing Gale really admires about Catnip is her ability to stay calm in situations like the Reaping.

Gale himself can barely contain his anger; he wants to yell at the Peacekeepers, at the cameras, at Effie Trinket in her ridiculous pink and lime green outfit; ask them if they are completely out of their minds to allow this. Don't they see how unjust, how  _insane_ all of this truly is?

But there is Catnip with her twenty slips, standing in the middle of the sixteen-year-old girls, her demeanour so different from theirs. People who know her less well than Gale does might actually assume that she isn't afraid at all, not even bothered. But he knows she is. The glances to the twelve-year-old section where her sister stands give her away.

Gale can't bear looking for Rory among the boys. He keeps his eyes locked at Catnip all the time, successfully tuning out Effie Trinket's shrill-voiced introduction.

But then there are those words, those terrible two words that twist Gale's whole world upside down; the name he can't, he could never tune out.

" _Primrose Everdeen!"_

* * *

Catnip storms forward to volunteer before the echo of Prim's name in the square dies away. Gale isn't surprised.

He doesn't know what makes him angrier – the fact that the Capitol could actually be cruel enough to send a sweet, innocent girl like Prim into the Games or the knowledge that Catnip's worst nightmare coming true is probably the best entertainment the Capitol audience has been offered in a while. The thought that there are actually people out there getting excited about those events disgusts Gale.

When Prim desperately clings to her older sister, unwilling to let her go, Gale knows instinctively that this is his time to step in. He channels his way though the shocked crowd with long strides, grabs Prim from behind and scoops the thrashing girl up in his arms. She struggles, but it's no good. Gale is too strong for her.

For a second, Gale's and Catnip's eyes meet and Gale feels his heartbeat quicken. There are so many things he wants – no, he  _has_ to tell her…  _but not now,_ he scolds himself. Now isn't the time to be emotional. Katniss has to be strong for the cameras if she wants a chance to make it home alive…

"Up you go, Catnip…" he whispers before he turns around and carries a crying Prim back to her mother.

* * *

Mrs Everdeen's blank, shell shocked face is almost as painful to look at as Prim's desperate, crying one. Gale feels the urge to hug the little girl, to comfort her – even though he's well aware that any consolation would be a lie right now – just because he knows her mother won't be strong enough to do it.

But there are two pairs of gloved Peacekeeper's hands that grab him and roughly drag him back to his section. The name of the male tribute is yet to be drawn.

And suddenly, Gale feels panic. Pure, raw, white hot panic. Because there is still that possibility that Effie's manicured fingers will pick out one of the forty-two slips with his name on it; the horrible possibility that he will be standing next to Catnip on this stage in less than a minute. He knows this would seal his fate – he couldn't kill her. Never. Under no circumstances.

But then there's a small moment of relief in the middle of the unforgiving whirl of horror when Effie Trinket's shrill voice dooms a boy named Peeta Mellark; the baker's youngest son. Gale feels bad for him, but if he has to decide between Peeta and Katniss… It isn't a choice at all; not for Gale. Catnip is family and family always comes first.

* * *

When Effie asks if one of those  _dazzling young gentlemen_ is willing to take Mr Mellark's place, Gale briefly considers it. He knows he would make a good tribute – better than most years', maybe the best one from Twelve since Haymitch. He'd stand a chance to get her out alive. It would hurt beyond belief to be in there with her, but at least he could  _do_ something…

But in the end, Gale doesn't volunteer. He doesn't really know what exactly it is that keeps him from doing it – maybe his mother's sad eyes, silently telling him that she couldn't possibly bear the heartbreak of losing her son, maybe the memory of Posy's hungry cries at night that will become a regular event if Gale dies. Maybe the sight of Prim and Mrs Everdeen, unable to survive on their own.

No, Gale doesn't volunteer. How could he?

* * *

The Justice Building is probably the only place in the District that isn't affected by the scorching summer heat at all. The air in the long, windowless corridors is chill, almost too chill. Gale is not entirely sure if that's the reason for the goosebumps on his forearms.

He leans against the cold stone wall, his eyes closed; yearning fresh air and sunlight already. If he feels trapped here he can only imagine how Catnip must feel on the other side of that heavy wooden door.

The presence of the girl waiting in line right next to him doesn't help to lessen his angst. What is the bloody mayor's daughter even doing here? Pretty girl in her pretty white dress, fumbling with her pretty golden pin… It takes all of the self-control Gale can muster not to tell her to get back to her father's big house and drink tea out of her mother's expensive china instead of wasting some precious minutes of Catnip's last hour.

As if she read his thoughts, Madge turns around; her pale blue eyes find Gale's grey ones. With a voice so unlike everything Gale thought her to be, she tells him: "I know what you are thinking. But you are wrong. I am her friend, too. And I can give her something you can't. I have the same right to be here as you have; so for once in your life, Gale Hawthorne –  _just shut the hell up_!"

* * *

When the door finally opens, Madge hurries out and Gale is allowed to go in after what feels like both too long and too short, he doesn't know what to say.

What do you tell a friend who is soon to be shipped off to her certain death? Fortunately Catnip and Gale always had other, better ways to communicate than through words; so when he takes her into his arms he's sure she knows just exactly how he feels.

But then, after a few seconds, the survivor in Gale takes over and he lets her go. His mind races, analyzes all the previous Games he can remember; trying to figure out the best strategies for a girl like Katniss; to find the best advice to give her. He knows they don't have much time; but it doesn't matter. Gale works best when he's stressed. Sometimes he thinks he might just be made for situations like this.

So he gives Catnip everything he has to offer: Reassurance. Advice. And – most important – the promise to take care of her family.

"Don't let them starve!" she begs, desperately clinging to Gale's hand. He has never seen Katniss beg.

"I won't!" he promises as the Peacekeepers take him away. "You know I won't! Katniss, remember I-"

 _BANG._ The Peacekeeper smashes to door in Gale's face. And suddenly he's standing out there in the dark, cool hallway; not the strong, capable hunter; but a lonely, desperate,  _helpless_  boy who doesn't have the slightest clue what he wanted Catnip to remember.

_I'll take care of them? I'll wait for you? I love you?_

"I need you, Catnip." he whispers to the sturdy wood of the closed door. "Please, come back for me…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! What to you think? I'd especially love to hear your opinions about Gale's parting words to Katniss :)  
> Oh, and you might have noticed that I'm pretty fond of Madge - prepare for a LOT of her in the next chapter ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers :)  
> I had quite some trouble with this chapter; I rewrote it several times and this is the best version I could manage, but I'm still not completely pleased... Hope the last few paragraphes aren't too rushed.

It's hard without Catnip, much harder than Gale could've ever imagined. He didn't even realize how much he relied on her help, her companionship, during the last four years – until now. Because that's just the way the Capitol works; always managing to make the hard things even harder, always taking away what little comfort the citizens had and brutally thrusting them back into the harsh, desperate reality.

Katniss is only gone for two days now and Gale is exhausted. His muscles ache from hours of roaming the woods and hunting –  _fruitless_ hunting, to be exact. He isn't a good enough shot to hit something as small as a squirrel and bringing bigger game down is almost impossible without a partner to work with.

After an hour or two Gale gives up, goes back to gathering berries and digging roots and hopes that at least his snares will catch some meat.

* * *

„She's coming back, isn't she, Gale?" Prim asks, looking up to him with big, scared eyes when he stops by at the Everdeens' house to drop off some of his haul, just like he had promised Catnip to do.

Gale forces a smile onto his lips.

"Yeah, she is. Sure thing," he says casually – because every other possible answer would just be too horrible for this girl.

 _Great, now I have_ two  _little sisters to look after,_ he thinks. He has not the slightest idea what to do if Catnip doesn't come back.

* * *

At dinner, Gale shovels most of his serving onto Rory's plate when his mother isn't looking. His brother is currently going through a growth spurt, he needs the energy. Gale can do without it for one more day – at least that's what he tells himself.

* * *

Gale doesn't know who the beaming, waving girl on the big screen in the Square is, but it surely isn't his Catnip.

She looks like some kind of almighty goddess, surrounded by flames that make her beautiful face glow in an unearthly manner. A warrior. Strong. Fierce. Powerful. And outshining everyone else.

At first, Gale is amazed by what he sees, mesmerized like the rest of the crowd. But then he realizes how terribly wrong this is. No, this is certainly  _not_ his Catnip! It's a poor girl who has to give up everything she is, who has to twist and turn her whole personality around to appeal to some rich morons she detests so they will maybe, just  _maybe_ , increase her chances of surviving a little bit longer in a cruel and totally unnecessary fight.

Gale's fingernails dig into his palms, almost hard enough to draw blood, but the pain is covered by raw, red-hot rage pulsing through his veins. He prays for the broadcast to end and the electricity to be turned off so he can take refuge in the peace of the woods, just like he did two years ago when he had to watch Heather die on that screen.

The only consolation is that Katniss isn't Heather. Katniss isn't like any other girl he knows. If there is one person in District 12 really capable of winning the Games then it's her. And if this is what she has to do to make it – well, then so be it.

Gale isn't stupid; he knows she's just acting, knows this is part of her survival strategy – but his heart still breaks a bit when Peeta Mellark reaches for Katniss' hand and she takes it with a smile.

* * *

Two months. Just two more months, then he'll be done with school and entitled to start working in the mines. The work will be hard; Gale has no illusions about that, but the monthly pay will make things so much easier for his whole family, including Prim and Mrs Everdeen.

But until then… it's gonna be hard. Impossible, if the worst case comes to pass and Catnip really dies.

Of course it's painful to think about his best friend's possible death and Gale tries to avoid the thought as much as possible, but he's a realistic person. He likes to have a plan for every possible outcome.

Three days after the reaping – the final day of the tributes' training – Gale bathes after he comes back from the woods; he stands in front of the mirror and combs his unruly dark hair and puts on a clean shirt before he picks up a nicely wrapped package of strawberries and makes his way to the mayor's house.

He hates himself already for doing this, but Gale has learned very early in life that the right way is rarely the easy one.

Of course it's the girl who opens the door, Madge. Doesn't she have anything better to do than to sit in the basement all day and wait for visitors?

"Oh, it's  _you._ " She eyes him with a frosty, haughty expression. "Did you accidentally fall into your mother's washtub? You look so… clean."

Gale just rolls his eyes. He doesn't have time for this spoiled girl's little games.

"Is your mother here?" he asks and suddenly he feels like the scared fourteen-year-old boy who asked the same question on this very doorstep four years ago again.

"Yes, she is," Madge answers and raises her eyebrows. "But I'm afraid she's sleeping. Headaches, you know?"

"Oh…" Gale doesn't quite know if he should be disappointed or relieved. On the one hand, he  _really_ didn't want to do this. On the other hand, the only thing he'd caught today were two fish and a meagre rabbit – barely enough to fill the stomachs of seven people. And it won't get better.

He doesn't get enough sleep because he's lying awake all night worrying about Catnip; he's already exhausted from checking his long snare lines everyday all by himself, and he's started doing every kind of job people have to offer – carrying firewood for old Greasy Sae, replacing the mouldered laths of the tailor's fence, helping the butcher with gutting game – but it's still not enough. As much as Gale hates to admit it; Mrs Undersee is the only source of money he has left.

 _Two months,_ he told himself during the walk here.  _I'll only have to do this for two months until I can start working in the mines._

"What do you want from her anyway?" Madge rips Gale out of his thoughts. "Am I not good enough to buy your strawberries anymore?"

"Maybe I'm just not in the mood to deal with little girls today," he spits back, expecting a sassy remark. But it doesn't come.

When Gale looks up, Madge's look is soft, almost compassionate. And suddenly it hits him like a punch in the stomach: she knows! Madge Undersee knows of the proposition her mother has made Gale so many years ago. She must have eavesdropped, that little brat…

Gale feels hot blood rush into his cheeks. He has never been so embarrassed in his whole life – and by the damn  _mayor's daughter_  of all people! The fact that she knows what he was ready to do when he came here makes him want to crawl into a hole and never ever come out again.

"I have to go now," he stutters and turns to leave.

"Don't I get to keep those strawberries?" Madge shouts after him.

Gale sighs and looks at the nicely wrapped fruits in his hands. If only he didn't need the money so badly…

"You're a proud one, aren't you, Gale Hawthorne?" she whispers as he hands her the strawberries. Her pale blue eyes pierce into his grey ones as if she wanted to explore his soul. "It must be really hard without Katniss, otherwise you would never go this far."

Gale's eyes narrow and his hands curl into fists.

"What would you possible know about a hard life, princess?" he snarls.

"Not much," she admits calmly. "But maybe you could tell me?"

With that she opens the door behind her a little wider.

* * *

He doesn't know what to expect when she leads him into the living room. Everything just screams  _expensive_ ; the furniture, the large television set, the exotic looking carpets, even the  _wallpapers._ Gale instantly feels out of place.

"Sit down," Madge says and casually points at the large, comfortable couch. "I'll be right back."

When she comes back she carries a tray with a dozen or so small, frosted cupcakes. Just the look of them makes his mouth water. "Those are leftover's from the reception father held for the Capitol people. They are really good you should try them."

At first, Gale hesitates to take one – no way he's going to accept charity from  _Madge!_

But then she tells him: "They'll go to waste if we don't eat them."

And his stomach takes over. He picks a deliciously looking one with blueberries on top. It's probably the best thing he's ever eaten. Maybe she'll let him take some of them home for his siblings?

Madge sits down next to him and smiles. Neither of them talks much, but it isn't an uncomfortable sort of silence.

Gale doesn't notice that Madge doesn't eat a single one of the cupcakes.

* * *

He has no idea how the hell it went that far.

It probably started when Madge turned the TV on to watch the interviews.

Gale smiles at the sight of Catnip; looking beautiful again, but so much more like herself than she did at the Opening Ceremony. He recognizes the girl from the woods when she awkwardly talks about herself, about Prim. The audience loves the girl they believe her to be.

And suddenly, there is a tiny bit of hope that for once in Gale's life everything might just turn out alright; the possibility that his Catnip actually comes back to him, unharmed; unchanged.

But because nothing in Gale's life ever seems to be that easy, Peeta Mellark has to walk on that stage and shatter all the newfound hope.

* * *

_"Because she came here with me."_

Gale realizes what those words mean; probably faster than most people in Panem. He's not sure if they are genuine or just part of a strategy, but honestly – he doesn't care. Because by announcing his love for Katniss, Peeta has irreversibly changed something. Gale can't really explain what it is, but he knows instinctively that it'll make everything there was, there is, and there might ever be between Catnip and himself so much more complicated.

He feels Madge squeeze his hand and briefly wonders when exactly she took it.

"You really love her, don't you?" she whispers, her eyes like deep, bottomless lakes.

"I don't know," he answers. It's the truth. How could he possibly know what he feels for Katniss, between Peeta Mellark's romantic confessions and Madge's soft, warm fingers, entwined with his?

Gale thinks he can almost hear Madge's flattery heartbeat. How come he never noticed how good she smells? Not like Catnip, not like fresh air and forest soil. Madge smells like a spring day in the meadow, like honey and sweet flowers.

Nothing compares to the woods, but the meadow isn't that bad, either.

Madge's soft lips taste like strawberries when Gale leans down and kisses her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who doesn't like the Gadge pairing: I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist. But I don't want to stray too far away from canon, so obviously Gale and Madge won't end up together because off... y'know... that one thing that happens to Madge that I don't like to talk about. Yeah.


	11. Chapter 11

"You have to go now," Madge pants when they finally break the kiss. "My father will be home soon."

Gale nods reluctantly, his gaze glued to her pretty, flushed face. He doesn't want to go, not now… But of course he leaves anyway. Gale has learned from a very young age that the thing you  _want to do_ is not always the  _right thing to do_.

So he lets her usher him out through the back door. He even leans down and allows her to peck him on the cheek; a privilege usually reserved for his mother.

"Goodbye, Gale."

"Bye, Madge. And thanks… for the cupcakes."

Madge just shrugs and watches as Gale makes his way back home, her taste still on his lips. She's a good kisser for a girl that pretty much keeps to herself and can't possibly have that much experience with boys. Gale briefly wonders if this could have been her first real kiss – but his thoughts soon start wandering away from Madge and as he crosses the border from Town to Seam, the only thing in his mind is the desperate longing to find out how one of Catnip's kisses would taste.

* * *

It's the third nearly sleepless night in a row for Gale. He's tossing and turning, unable to get the rest he needs so badly. His thoughts drift from Catnip to Madge and back; his shallow dreams are haunted by grey eyes turning into blue ones, by fire being extinguished by water. And blood, so much blood everywhere…

Maybe he has done Madge wrong all these years. Maybe she's more than a spoiled, shallow rich girl…

* * *

The Games are slowly but steadily coming to an end. There are only six contestants alive and Catnip is one of them. Gale dares to hope again.

And then there's the rule change. The look on Katniss' face when she shouts Peeta's name almost kills Gale.

* * *

Katniss and Peeta are lying in a small cave, snuggled against each other, even sharing that  _damn sleeping bag._  Gale feels his blood boil. This should be him. It's exactly the way Catnip and him snuggled up when they were trapped out in the woods because the fence was electrified. He should be the one protecting her, the strong shoulder she could lean on, not that wimpy baker boy!

Gale knows it's just an act, a show for the sponsors. Maybe Catnip's best chance to come home. But still…

She needs Peeta Mellark to make it out of the Games alive. Just like she needed Gale to feed her family all those years… The thought hurts beyond belief.

What if that's just what Katniss Everdeen does – choose the one person who makes survival the easiest for her? What if she doesn't like Gale at all but just befriended him because she knew he'd make a good hunting partner and would help her to bring more food on her family's table? Has she played with him? Has he been nothing more than a tool for her, just like Peeta is now?

Suddenly Gale feels sick.

* * *

The point where everything is just too much to take is reached when Katniss kisses Peeta. The whole country is probably cheering, celebrating the  _star-crossed lovers of District 12_. Gale just wants to throw up.

He's out of the house before his brain even makes the conscious decision to run. Enough is enough. He doesn't care anymore that this is a mandatory broadcast, that he will be punished, thrown into the stocks or whipped or worse if the Peacekeepers catch him on the streets now. It doesn't matter. A whipping can't possibly hurt more than watching  _this._

His first instinct is to flee to the woods. His second home, his sanctuary. The only place where he feels truly free. But the Capitol even prevents this little consolation by providing electricity and therefore making the fence impassable during the Games – of course, they wouldn't want the citizens to miss a single minute of the glorious show.

Gale spits on the ground and curses angrily. A tiny, unreasonable bit of him even hopes for a Peacekeeper to show up – he could use some sort of punching bag.

* * *

He has no idea how he ends up at the mayor's house, throwing pebbles against Madge's window. The broadcast must be over by now because she opens it almost immediately.

"No strawberries today?" It's the only greeting he gets.

* * *

The last time he kissed Madge, it felt like he was betraying Catnip. But Catnip doesn't exist anymore. Gale's Catnip would never kiss  _Peeta Mellark,_  no, she was strong and capable and independent and wouldn't need baker boy's sloppy kisses to help her win the Games.

Gale is angry and hurt and he just doesn't care. He has no commitment to Katniss – so he just closes his eyes and presses his chapped lips firmly against Madge's soft ones.

"Stay the night, Gale," she whispers, almost pleads. "Father's always working and Mother is under heavy medication most of the time. My only friend might be dead before dawn. I'm just so  _lonely_ …" Her voice almost breaks his heart. "Just stay with me, Gale. Please. Only for one night…"

Gale swallows hard and nods. Madge is a nice girl, he decides. It's not her fault that she's born as the mayor's daughter – she deserves a little solace, a little company.

So he stays and they spend the night together in Madge's big, soft bed, talking, holding each other, kissing, making out, and talking again.

She tells him about an aunt of hers that has apparently died in the Games years ago. Gale wants to tell her something personal in return, but the only stories that come to his mind are related to Catnip and he has a feeling that she wouldn't appreciate him talking about another girl while he's in bed with her. It's probably better that way – he's never been much of a talker.

So he just lets his body speak, tries to make her feel good. He isn't sure it works – it's still one of the areas where he's very insecure.

That night, Gale abandons all his noble resolutions about chastity and waiting for the right one - what reason does he have to stick to them? His  _right one_ is in a cave hundreds of miles away kissing another boy…

* * *

The sun's already rising when Gale dresses again. He mentally prepares for one hell of a lecture from his mother when he comes home.

Madge watches him from the bed, her sleepy gaze softly caressing his toned, muscular form. She's beautiful, Gale has to admit. He isn't quite sure if spending the night with her was the best or the worst idea of his life.

When he turns to leave, she takes a few coins out of a jar hidden in her dresser. It's the same amount of money Katniss and him usually demand for the strawberries.

"But I didn't sell you any berries this time," he says confused when she puts the coins in the front pocket of his shirt.

"This isn't for any strawberries. It's for you." She reaches up and strokes his cheek before she allows him to step out into the hall and to tiptoe his way out.

Madge is a kind girl, a good person. She only means well. But it still irks Gale that she seems to think he's worth exactly as much as a basket full of strawberries.

* * *

Gale hates Madge Undersee. He hates her for making him give up all his pride and his morals just for one night of forgetting.

He hates Katniss for using him all those years and then betraying him when Peeta Mellark is suddenly of more use to her.

He hates himself for being weak and bad tempered and unfair – yes, of course he's being unfair, he knows it, he just doesn't care anymore!

But most of all Gale hates the Capitol because if you look at the big picture, all of this is their fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my favourite chapter so far. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing.


	12. Chapter 12

Hazelle clutches the mug of tea in her hands so hard; Gale is surprised it doesn't crack. You could almost assume it was her own daughter sitting there on the cornucopia, waiting to be released from that nightmare called the Hunger Games.

Well, most people actually think Katniss  _is_ family now – the daughter of Hazelle's brother, Gale's  _cousin –_  that's what they told the reporters.

 _To proctect Katniss, to help her keep the star-crossed lovers act up,_ Hazelle had explained. It makes sense; Gale completely understands what a smart move it is – but that doesn't mean he has to like it.

A small part of him is still mad at Katniss, still not sure how he feels about her, about Peeta, about this whole situation. And, more important – he has no idea how  _she_ feels about it.

* * *

Tonight's the big finale, mandatory viewing, of course. They show close-ups of Cato being torn apart by the mutts. Blood and gore splatter the cameras. It's almost worse than the year when the tributes had to bludgeon each other to death with those maces.

Posy buries her face in Gale's shirt, sobbing, and he strokes her hair, his own eyes pinned at the small, flickering television screen.

* * *

Posy is long asleep when Katniss shoots Cato – a perfect shot, as always.

Hazelle smiles at Gale when the cannon sounds.

"They're coming home, Gale. They are really coming home!"

But of course it isn't that easy; it never is. Claudius Templesmith's booming voice dooms the star-crossed lovers, takes the last bit of hope for a happy ending away.

Gale isn't surprised. In fact, he expected nothing better from the Capitol. Snow probably never intended to allow two tributes to live.

Katniss pulls out the poisonous berries and Gale just prays that she will make the right decision.

* * *

Turns out his mother was right again in the end: They are really coming home.  _Both of them._

The Hawthornes watch the final interviews in the square, along with what seems like the majority of District Twelve's population.

Gale can't remember if he has ever seen Twelve's citizens that cheery – well, maybe that's because he hasn't been alive to see another tribute from Twelve win.

Now there are even two of them; young, attractive Victors, united in love. Drama with a happy ending; exactly what the Capitol audience loves.

Gale can't believe that District Twelve is actually falling for that. How can they let themselves be charmed by the Capitols lies? Aren't they smarter than that? It makes Gale angry. He has to muster all of his self-control not to grab the man standing next him, to shake him and yell at him and demand to know if he really doesn't realize how terribly  _wrong_ all of this is.

Madge is smiling at him from across the square. He won't come over to her and she knows it. Katniss is coming home and nothing will be like it was when she was away between Gale and Madge. That is over once and for all.

* * *

Katniss is throwing kisses and holding hands with Mellark again as soon as she steps out of the train. She looks beautiful, unbelievably beautiful, but also painfully different from what Gale knows. Somehow artificial, manufactured, forced into shape to please the tastes of the audiences.

Gale turns on the heel and roughly shoves his way through the crowds, silently praying for the fence to be not electrified. He needs to go to the woods, needs to think, to make up a plan. He just hates being unprepared, but until now he had now idea what to prepare for.

Now it's clear.

Katniss Everdeen won the 74th Annual Hunger Games – but Catnip died in the arena.

* * *

Gale avoids facing Katniss for as long as possible. He skips the teary welcome hugs the rest of the  _family_  has to endure in front of the cameras and refuses to attend the official Victory Banquet at the mayor's house, although Madge offers to get him an invitation.

The prospect of free food is tempting but Gale is too proud (or too stubborn) to go and play nice for the cameras and a bunch of people he can't stand just because of the buffet.

* * *

It's Sunday, a week and a half after the Victors' return when Katniss finally confronts him.

The weather is warm and Gale is taking a rest from hunting at  _their_ place, the rock ledge surrounded by blackberry bushes, when he suddenly hears a bustle in the hedges behind him. He knows it's her because she's the only person in the District who is able to sneak up on him.

Gale mentally prepares to yell, to throw accusations at her head, to fiercely demand answers. He wants to know if she likes him as a friend – or even more than a friend – or if she just used him because of his hunting partner qualities. He wants to know what was going on between her and Mellark in that cave and how much of it was real. He wants her to give him a good reason not to walk out of the woods right now and never speak a word to her again.

But when Katniss steps onto the clearing seconds later, all of Gale's anger is gone.

The make-up is washed away, she's wearing her old, worn boots and her father's hunting jacket and her hair is braided in the usual way - she almost looks like her old self again.

The two of them stare at each other in silence for what seems like and eternity and Gale has forgotten all of the things he wanted to tell her just seconds ago. When Katniss finally speaks, her voice is shaking.

"I hated it, Gale. I hated every second of it, but it was necessary. You understand how that is, having to do something you don't want to do, don't you?"

Gale doesn't trust his voice and him and her always got along better without big speeches, anyway, so he just opens his arms and allows her to bury her face into the rough fabric of his shirt.

After a moment, he bows down and whispers into her ear: "I'm glad you are back… Catnip."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, short chapter, I know. Sorry. The next one will be longer. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!   
> Just a word of warning, this is not a nice chapter. I actually thought about putting up a trigger warning for slight claustrophobia/panic attacks, but I wasn't sure what kind of tw would apply to this specific situation. But what happens to Gale in this chapter is very similar to what happens to Katniss in during the bombing of the Nut in Mockingjay, so I figured that if you read the books without being triggered you will also be fine reading this chapter. But if you want to skip it, feel free to. It's more of a filler chapter and you don't necessarily need it to keep up with the story.

Deeper and deeper down. The darkness is swallowing Gale. His hands are shaking violently. The black dust already starts to burn in his lungs like fire. He can't breathe, can't scream, can't beg for help.

His vision goes black and for a moment he sees his father's face, smeared with dirt and coal, smiling down at him. Then, there's a horrible sound, a gut-wrenching scream that seems to come from every direction at the same time. Gale watches horrified and paralysed as the flesh is slowly burned from his father's face, leaving behind a burned skull with empty eye-sockets staring Gale down – and some invisible power seems to draw Gale to him, luring the young man closer and closer to the deadly black abyss…

This is it. Gale Hawthorne is going to die.

* * *

"Whoa, Hawthorne! Watch out where you're stepping!"

Thom's words rip Gale out of his waking nightmare.

"Sorry," he mumbles and takes a step away from Thom to prevent bumping into him again.

Thom and Gale know each other from school. They hadn't exactly been friends back then, but since they were assigned to the same mining crew alongside five other, more experienced workers, they formed some sort of comradely bond.

Down in the darkness of the mines you're happy about every familiar face. It reminds you that there is a world outside of the shaft, a world with sunshine and clean air and no threats of imminent death hanging over your head.

"You alright?" Thom asks as they step out of the elevator and make their way to today's workplace. Gale has to squeeze his eyes shut because of the bright light of the lamp on Thom's hardhat. "You look like you're about to faint, man."

Gale just shrugs and mumbles some unintelligible answer. Thom raises his eyebrows but doesn't probe any further. He knows when it's better to keep your mouth shut – one of the main reasons Gale likes him.

* * *

Gale has been working in the mines for almost two weeks now and he's still not completely over his initial fear, although he manages to keep his panic attacks under control and prevent the other miners from noticing how terrified he is.

He always hated the mines, but it's gotten far worse since the explosion that claimed his father's life.

All children in District Twelve have to take annual school trips down to the mines. Mandatory attendance, of course. Gale hasn't attended one of those trips since he was thirteen. Instead he perfected his acting skills to fake sick and stay in bed all day.

Gale is a horrible actor. His mother probably knew very well that he wasn't ill at all, but still she never made him go – it was the one day of the year when Hazelle Hawthorne didn't expect her eldest son to be grown-up and dutiful.

* * *

Thom is actually really funny, in a not very sophisticated way. Gale lets him talk most of the time, laughs about his dirty jokes and his impersonations of various Peacekeepers or the mine foreman while they drive their pickaxes into the walls over and over again. It helps to forget their aching arms, as heavy as lead after the first hour already, helps to forget that there are still eleven hours to go.

Gale quickly learns that Thom has two younger sisters and a sick grandmother he is taking care of. His eyes sparkle with devotion when he speaks of his family – another reason why Gale likes this guy.

It quickly becomes their daily routine. Thom talks, Gale listens and they share their lunch. Their friendship almost makes the work down there bearable.

* * *

After a few weeks Thom stops talking his head off. Instead there is an ugly, rattling cough coming out of his mouth half of the time he opens it.

Gale asks Mrs Everdeen to check him and the healer confirms what Gale was already suspecting: Thom has an inborn lung weakness which has gotten far worse since he started working in the mines with all that coal dust and the stale air. He won't last very long down there; four or five years at the most until his lungs will simply refuse to work.

Thom accepts the fatal diagnosis with a crooked grin.

"Well, I better start looking for some good husbands for my sisters then – y'know, so they're taken care of," he says in a weak attempt to ease the tension, but no one laughs. "Any chance you might be interested, Hawthorne?"

* * *

The worst part about working in the mines is the knowledge that it just won't stop. Gale can't just close his eyes, grit his teeth and get it over with, no. He'll have to go down there six days a week, for the rest of his life – however long that might be. No chance of escaping, no breaks. That's how his life will look like. He won't ever be free again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, remember when I promised you this chapter would be longer than the last one? Yeah... sorry 'bout that. *hands everyone an apology cookie*


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might notice we have now offically reached Catching Fire and quoting some lines from the book is inevitable, so I think it's time for a disclaimer.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games. Everything you recognize was written by Suzanne Collins :)

It takes a few weeks until Gale is able to see Catnip alone again. She is always surrounded by cameras and curious reporters, eager to get a few good shots of her and Mellark holding hands, sneaking kisses and giggling like silly kids. The sight disgusts Gale and he's almost glad that he spends twelve hours a day, six days a week, down in the mines, isolated from the world, and doesn't pick up too much of it.

He likes to spend his Sundays in the woods – where else? The late summer sun on his face and the clean air in his lungs feels like being reborn after the torment of a week of labour down there.

Sometimes he takes Rory and Vick out with him, teaches them to shoot and a few basic snares. Vick is still so young, a kid basically, and to him, this is just a game, a fun activity to do on weekends.

For Rory, it's a way to feel important and needed, a way to contribute and help his family, like he always wanted.

For Gale, it's preparing his brothers for everything they might have to face in their lives, just like his father did with him.

Hunger. There could be another mining accident any day. What if Gale dies? What if he can't provide for them anymore? It could very well happen.

The Games. Rory still has six years to go; Vick seven. And Gale is too old to volunteer for them. The reaping is the one thing he can't protect them from, but it makes him feel a lot better to know they can hunt and handle a weapon.

It's all he can do.

* * *

"Please," Gale says as Catnip and him are sitting in the grass and having breakfast together. Cold chicken, bakery bread, even oranges! Gale has never tasted an orange before. This is the part of Catnip's new life as Victor that's the easiest to adjust to. "Please tell me it was all for the Games."

"Yes," answers Catnip who is lying on her back and staring into the bright blue sky, the sunlight reflecting on her hair. "It is all for the Games."

Gale begins to peel another orange and purposely decides to ignore the present tense.

* * *

She talks about sharing her money with him and his family, saying she has far more than she could ever spend, anyway. Gale tells her he doesn't want the Capitol's blood money. As long as there's any way of getting by without starving, he won't take a single coin of it.

She also offers him to take over his snare lines.

"I have nothing to do all day and you know I like being out in the woods," she argues and Gale can hardly say anything against it since it's a completely reasonable offer.

He admires the naturalness with which she tells him she is going to take care of his family while he is working; there is no question for her, just as there wouldn't have been for him if she had died in the arena.

That's what they do, Katniss and Gale – help each other out. They are a good team, a  _very_ good one. More than that – they are perfect, made for each other.

The thought that what they have might get spoiled by the Capitol is just too painful to consider.

And before Gale knows what he's doing, his lips are pressed against hers.

The kiss is everything he ever imagined it to be and more. Her lips are still soft from some balm the Capitol people gave her, soft and incredibly warm. There's still the faint taste of oranges lingering on them, sweet and exotic; but her smell is familiar, and for a moment Gale thinks it could actually be like it was before the Games; just him and Catnip and the woods.

He only breaks the kiss when he needs air.

And then, they just look at each other, grey eyes staring into grey eyes. Both of them are panting. There is nothing but the sound of their breaths and the familiar rustle of the forest surrounding them. Catnip's cheeks are flushed and a few strands of hair have slipped out of her braid – Gale can't help but think that this is the most beautiful she has ever looked.

"I had to do that. At least once."

It's an explanation, not an apology.

* * *

There is a lump in Gale's throat.  _She didn't kiss him back._  No, she didn't kiss him back, but she didn't stop him, either. That's a good sign, isn't it?

That night, Gale ventures to the meadow and talks to his father again. He hasn't done this in months, but it seems like his dad is the only person he's ever felt comfortable trusting with his secrets – well, apart from Katniss, and talking to her isn't really an option here.

"I thought life was hard before the Games, Pa…" he whispers into thin air while his restless fingers pluck at the grasses between his legs. "But now…" He sighs. "Isn't it weird that you only just realize what you have when you're about to lose it?"

* * *

It's almost dawn when Gale leaves the meadow and makes his way home. He has to be in the mines in an hour… Work will be a living hell after this sleepless night, but Gale doesn't care anymore. He has spent hours straightening his thoughts and now he has finally come up with a plan – a fact that makes him feel a lot more comfortable.

He'll wait. Give her time, as much as she needs. Hardly anyone knows Catnip better than Gale; knows how her mind works, how she thinks about romance and boyfriends and marriage. If she doesn't want all of this, that's okay. Gale is a hunter, he knows how to be patient, he can wait.

The day when Katniss Everdeen will finally be ready to love someone will come, and when it is there she will choose Gale – who else could there ever be for her?

Gale has made the first step, now he will give her time and wait for her to make the second.

* * *

The kiss with Catnip was different from all those other kisses Gale has shared with all those other girls. It's the first kiss that made his stomach twist in an oh-so-pleasant way; that made him forget everything else for a second.

No, it was not Gale's first kiss – but it was the first one that actually mattered.

* * *

"What's up with you, man?" Thom asks during lunch break. "You're grinning like you found a treasure chest buried in your mother's vegetable patch."

Gale considers this for a moment, then he turns to his friend, grins even wider and answers: "Yeah, something like that."

As the shrill ringing of a clock calls them back to work, Gale is still smiling and amazed by the fact how much better love can make everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm, yeah, that was my attempt at writing the first K/G kiss. Not sure about it; I didn't want to make it too fluffy, but still emphasize that it was something special for Gale... I have seriously no idea if I managed to do that, so if you could take a minute to give me some feedback about that I will love you forever and bake you virtual cookies :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!
> 
> Yes, I'm still alive. I know it's been ages since I last updated. I'd love to present you an awesome excuse - but the truth is I was pretty stressed by college and I simply forgot about this story temporarily. Ooops. Sorry.
> 
> An especially big apology to all the people whose commentes I didn't respond to. I just read all of them and they made me really, really happy. I never expected to get so much feedback for this fic, so thanks to anybody who commented, bookmarked, or left kudos. You guys are awesome!

**Chapter 15**

 

Gale doesn't go to say goodbye to Catnip when the inevitable but oh so dreaded day comes and President Snow calls her back for the Victory Tour. He knows exactly what that means and he's not sure if he'll be able to bear it.

* * *

The TV screen becomes Gale's worst enemy. He feels sick whenever he watches Katniss and Mellark holding hands and sharing sweet kisses.

She's prettied up again and almost looks like one of the silly, giggly town girls who use to gossip about boys and fashion and hairstyles in the school corridors while outside the people are dropping dead from starvation. Sometimes Gale is afraid that she might just turn into one of them now that she has money and fame and time – but then he remembers that it is  _Catnip_ he is thinking about. Catnip, who is devoted to her family beyond anything. Catnip, who is only ever really alive in the woods. Catnip, who suffered so much and is yet so strong. And he remembers that she is the only woman for him, that they are made for each other.

He prays silently that she remembers it, too, when Peeta Mellark goes down on one knee in front of her and Katniss accepts his proposal in front of the whole nation, looking as if this was the happiest moment in her life.

Gale  _wants_ to trust her; he  _wants_ to believe that this is only a show for the audience – but Katniss certainly doesn't make it easy for him.

* * *

"Gale!" Vick whispers and shakes his brother awake. "There's some girl who wants to see ya." The boy's tone is casual, as if random girls showing up at their house in the middle of the night wasn't an uncommon occurrence at all.

"What?" Gale answers sleepily and rubs his eyes.

"She's been throwing pebbles against the window and keeping us awake for at least ten minutes," answers the sour voice of an upright sitting figure on the other side of the room that must be Rory. "I told her to go away but she insists on seeing you."

"Who is it?" asks Gale while swinging his long legs out of the bed and sitting up in one fluid motion. He curses the deep sleep he has acquired since he started working in the mines – a few months ago his sharp hunter's hearing would've made him wake up at the tiniest unusual noise.

"Dunno," Rory yawns. "Too dark to see her face. How am I supposed to remember all of your slags' names, anyway?"

"I told you a dozen times,  _don't use words like this!_ " Gale hisses and gives his younger brother a clout on his way to the window.

Rory just snorts. "What,  _slag_? C'mon, I've heard you say much worse things!"

Gale makes a mental note to watch his mouth when his siblings are around. His father never allowed any foul language and he would probably be very disappointed by his eldest son's everyday vocabulary.

" _Some people might think they are better than us, son – but that doesn't mean we have to sound like they actually are!"_

Gale himself never really cared much for manners, but he knew his father would've never allowed him to spoil his brothers' way of talking as well, so he wouldn't.

"What is a slag?" Vick asks with innocent curiosity.

"The kind of girl that is dumb enough to fall for Gale's looks without realizing what a huge idiot he actually is," Rory explains in a very schoolteacher-esque voice. Gale briefly considers smacking him again, but then decides to have a serious talk with both of the boys – tomorrow, when he's properly awake.

And then he opens the window and spots the one person he expected the least to stand in his garden in the middle of the night.

"No…" he whispers. "This isn't  _one of my slags_  at all…"

* * *

He's dressed in a matter of seconds and tries to get his unruly dark hair into some kind of order while he hurries down the stairs.

"Leave it that way," Madge says and smiles at his pointless efforts. "You look good."

For some reason Gale blushes and is glad it's too dark for her to notice.

" _You_  look good," he answers lets his gaze wander up and down her body. He raises an eyebrow. "Bit unusual for you, that outfit, isn't it?"

He's right. Madge isn't wearing one of her  _pretty dresses_ , but instead some brown trousers that hug her slim legs, a light blue blouse peeking out under a warm coat and a pair of expensive looking boots. Gale can't say it doesn't suit her – no, he likes it, actually.

Madge just shrugs.

"Katniss took me out into the woods a few times," she says and the look in her eyes indicates clearly what she wants from him.

"It's dangerous out there at night," Gale counters.

"We don't have to go far. Just take me out a few hundred meters," she almost pleads. "I just want to feel free for a few hours…"

 _Yes, that's what I want, too…_  Gale thinks. He nods slowly. "Alright. Come on, princess!"

* * *

Gale isn't surprised when they are sitting on a log about twenty minutes later and Madge pulls out a bottle of expensive brown liquor. He has learned not to be surprised by anything this girl does anymore. She's unpredictable; that's one of the reasons Gale has slowly, reluctantly come to like her.

"I thought you'd need that after tonight's interview," she explains and hands him the bottle.

He just nods and takes a sip. The brown liquid isn't as strong as the self-made stuff Ripper sells at the Hob, but it still makes Gale's mouth and throat burn. It's a good sort of burn. It makes him feel warmer inside and if he drinks enough he might just be able to forget the emotional pain that's haunting him. He takes another sip before handing the bottle back to Madge.

She puts it to her lips, lets a tiny little bit of the liquor run into her mouth and almost instantly starts to cough. Well, she  _is_ a sheltered, wholesome girl, after all.

"Are you alright?" Gale asks and he can't keep a grin from crawling onto his lips as he watches Madge's face turn a bright strawberry red.

"Yes," she pants, catching her breath. "Yes. I just haven't ever drunk any alcohol; except for the occasional glass of wine on New Year's."

"But now you feel the need to?" he taunts her.

"Yes," she answers without any further explanation.

* * *

They sit in silence, next to each other on that log in the nightly woods. After a while, it starts to snow. Madge looks up at the dark sky, shrouded by heavy clouds, a worried expression on her face.

Gale pushes her worries aside by pointing out that they are sitting close to a trunk, shielded by the tree's branches.

"Don't worry. The woods will protect us from snow. They always do."

Madge nods silently, moves a bit closer to Gale and takes another sip out of the bottle. It's half empty by now.

Gale isn't a heavy drinker – he just doesn't like to lose control over his actions – but he's gotten drunk often enough to know that alcohol makes you  _feel_ warm for a while, but your body actually gets colder and colder without you noticing. It's a freezing cold night. The two of them can see their breaths forming clouds and the snowfall starts to get heavier. They'll have to get back soon – but Gale doesn't want to. He wants to spend the rest of his life out here in the woods, sitting snuggled up against Madge who is warm and soft and a better company than he could've ever imagined.

It's kind of weird – Gale  _knows_ that he doesn't love Madge; that he could never love her while Katniss exists; but still he runs back and seeks solace in the mayor's daughter's presence whenever Katniss does something that hurts him. He feels like a complete ass for doing this. Madge is such a nice girl, she deserves a nice boy who treats her decently, not a poacher who takes her out into the woods at night and lets her drink far more liquor than is good for her.

Gale is using Madge to make him feel better; almost the same way Katniss uses him – and he hates himself for doing it, but he knows that he won't stop.

* * *

"You know it's all for the Games, right?" Madge whispers after a while. Her voice is already a bit slurry. "The whole wedding thing…"

"Yeah," Gale answers, not looking at her but rather staring into the dark. "I know."

Madge leans her head against his shoulder.

"You really love her, don't you?" she asks, so quiet that it is almost inaudible.

Gale gives her a dry, humourless laugh.

" _Love_ is such a strong expression…" he says after a few seconds.

"What Katniss and you have  _is_ strong," Madge points out.

Gale hesitates, takes a few deep breaths. His head is spinning and he can hear his own blood flow through his veins.

"Yes, it is," he answers finally. "I'm just afraid that the Capitol might be stronger…"

Madge doesn't answer but instead pushes the almost empty bottle into his hands.

"It's almost scary," he starts after he has emptied it completely. "How well you seem to understand me. The little, spoiled mayor's daughter…"

She looks up at him, her blue eyes piercing his grey ones; sparkling like the surfaces of lakes in the dark. Her expression is strange, desperate but somehow sealed at the same time, and Gale is unable to read it.

"I just know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back," she whispers and seconds later Gale feels her long, delicate fingers entwine with his.

* * *

Finally they both decide that they can't stand the cold anymore, no matter how good it feels to be out here. Gale helps Madge up from the log; the girl looks pretty shaky.

"Do you want to sleep it off at my house?" he offers. "My mother would probably kill us both if she found out that I had a girl in my room overnight and my brothers would tease my for the next six months, but it's a shorter distance than yours and you don't look like you're really sure-footed right now."

Madge raises her chin in an attempt to be graceful and answers: "No, thank you. I am always sure-footed." She takes a step, trips over a root sticking out of the ground and lands lengthwise and not very elegantly on the floor.

Gale hurries to help her up, but not without teasing her first.

"Yeah, I can see that, princess!"

She looks at him with a sour expression and seems to be thinking of a snarky comeback, but suddenly she freezes, her eyes stay pinned on something behind Gale's back and her voice sounds pretty sober again when she hisses: "Gale! Behind you!"

Gale spins around, but it's already too late, even for a person with reflexes trained from years of hunting. Before he is really on his feet, something heavy jumps against his chest and throws him to the ground. The air is painfully pressed out of his lungs.

Madge's scream pierces the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for cliffhangers! I just noticed that I didn't have one yet, so I thought I'd give it a try.
> 
> Oh, and I really enjoyed writing Gale's brothers, so I might just stray from my original plan for this story a bit and put some Hawthorne family life in between.
> 
> But for now, any thoughts about the chapter? Love it? Hate it? Want to yell at me because I'm such an awfully slow writer? Just tell me; I'm always soooo happy to hear from you guys :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you guys :)
> 
> In this chapter the cliffie gets resolved. There are also more Hawthorne family feels (as promised) and Thom (Gale's ill friend/co-worker from the mines) makes a comeback.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 16**

 

White spots appear in Gale's vision. His lungs ache with every desperate intake of breath and for a second he thinks he's about to faint. But then the hunter in him takes over and he pulls himself together. One of his hands fanatically fumbles around on the ground, looking for something to use as a weapon, while the other one buries itself in the warm mass of fur that's pressing down on his chest and tries to push it off.

Gale can smell the creature's hot breath on his face; it's rotten and stinks faintly of blood. There are yellow eyes glowing in the dark, only inches away from Gale's face – he instantly decides it's better to give up the search for a weapon and use both his hands to keep the animal's sharp fangs away from his throat.

It's a wild dog, but a lot bigger and more sturdily built than the ones Gale and Katniss encounter on a regular base. This one must come this close to the fence only at night… Maybe it's part wolf? Or – even worse – part mutt?

Gale shudders and fortifies his attempts to get free, but damn, that thing is  _heavy_!

"Madge!" he shouts. "Get on a tree! There might be more of them!"

It's true, wild dogs usually hunt in packs.

Madge doesn't answer and white hot panic starts to flow through Gale's veins alongside the adrenalin. Why doesn't she answer?

"Madge?" he tries again. " _Madge!_ "

Still no answer.

_Oh god, she's dead. She's dying here in the dark forest and it's all my fault._

Gale tries again to wriggle free, manages to turn his head a bit and look behind him, absolutely prepared to catch sight of Madge's blood dyeing the snow red – but there's nothing. She's gone.

For a moment Gale is relieved. Then there is a hot, stinging pain in his right arm that makes his eyes water and has him scream out in a mix of surprise and pure agony.

He hadn't been paying enough attention just for a second while he was looking for Madge, but this short time of distraction had been enough for the dog to bury its sharp teeth into Gale's wrist.

He's really panicking now, kicking and shaking and fighting back with all he has, but the thing just won't let go of him. And for the first time the thought occurs to Gale that  _he_ might actually die tonight, not just Madge. It would be a real pity, the bitter irony of fate: He has worked so hard, all his life, to keep his family and himself going, and now he spoiled all of this, just for a drunken night out in the woods with a pretty girl. How stupid he is… Gale can only imagine the disappointment on his father's face.

* * *

_THUDDD!_

It's an ugly, dull sound, followed by a painful howl out of the dog's snout. Gale's wrist is free and suddenly he's able to push the animal off. With a swift motion he pulls his hunting knife out of his boot and slits the dog's throat.

In the end, there is red blood staining the virgin snow, but Gale is beyond glad that it's neither his nor Madge's.

 _Madge!_ Where is she?

Gale drags himself up onto his knees and turns his head in every direction – only to find the small, delicate mayor's daughter, holding a thick, broken off tree branch in both hands like a club. It's almost a miracle that she could actually lift it. She's panting heavily and her ponytail has become undone, but there is a fierce expression on her face that makes her look an awful lot like Katniss.

"Wow," is the only thing Gale is able to get out between his own gasping breaths. "Did you just  _hit_ that thing?"

Madge ignores his question. "I think I'm sober again," she mumbles before collapsing onto the snowy ground.

* * *

Gale carries Madge all the way back to town. It's the least thing he can do after taking her on this stupid nightly trip. He should never have agreed to that – it was really irresponsible of him.

After some consideration he decides that it's really easier to get her to his family's house in the Seam instead of her own. Hazelle won't be too pleased if she finds out, but she'll understand it was necessary – she always understands. It's one of the qualities Gale admires and respects most about his mother.

He gently lowers Madge down onto his bed. His brothers are thankfully asleep. Rory is snoring.

After making sure Madge is tucked in properly and not freezing, Gale tiptoes his way downstairs into the kitchen, lights a candle and inspects the bite wound on his wrist. Fortunately it's not very deep, but Gale is a bit worried about infection. He cleans the wound as well as he can and clumsily puts a bandage around his wrist. Why did the damn thing have to bite his  _right_  arm?

Of course he could go to Mrs Everdeen and ask her to bandage it properly, but it's still night and he doesn't want to wake the poor woman. If only Catnip was here; she wouldn't have minded…

* * *

Work is hell that day – even more than usual. Gale's wrist hurts as soon as he even grabs a pickaxe and after a mere hour of pounding away at a coal seam he feels like his hand is about to fall off. His lack of sleep also makes itself felt; it's difficult to keep his eyes open, his muscles are sore and he's just overly exhausted.

He spent the last night on the worn couch in the living room, leaving his bed for Madge. Of course they have shared a bed before, but it just wouldn't have felt right to climb in with her while she was unconscious and still intoxicated. Maybe his parents' upbringing didn't fail completely on him, after all…

* * *

Thom is being his usual, mouthy self, teasing Gale about along the lines of: "Quite done today, aren't you, Hawthorne? Mind telling me the name of the lady who was able to tire you out that much? I think I'd like to meet her!"

But he's also working harder than usual and putting a few shovels of coal into Gale's bucket when he thinks his crew mate isn't looking. Gale pretends he doesn't see it, but he silently vows to return the favour sometime.

Without Thom's help, Gale would've never been able to fulfil his quota for the day and therefore he would've gotten his wage cut. He has to admit how good it feels to have a friend down here in the darkness of the mines.

* * *

When Gale comes home that evening, tired and in a bad mood, he is greeted by his mother, sitting at the kitchen table. His siblings are nowhere to be seen.

"Sit down," Hazelle orders and Gale obeys without objections. She hands him a bowl of stew and a spoon and patiently waits for him to finish his dinner.

When he's done she wordlessly takes the bowl and puts it into the sink.

"That was delicious, Ma," Gale says in an attempt to mellow what he knows is coming.

"Care to explain why I found Mayor Undersee's daughter in your bed when I went to wake up your brothers this morning, son?" Hazelle asks, her tone dangerously casual.

Gale swallows hard. He can hardly say the truth.  _She was to drunk to go home?_ Definitely a bad answer.

"And what about your injury?" Hazelle continues. "Did you really think I wouldn't find the bloody rags in the kitchen?"

Gale lowers his head and bites his lips, searching for a response that won't make Madge look bad but still doesn't force him to lie to his mother.

After a while, he timidly raises his head, meets Hazelle's grey eyes that look so much like his own, and answers: "I'm sorry, Ma, but I can't tell you. You just have to believe me that I was trying to do the right thing."

Hazelle raises an eyebrow and scans her eldest son's face, trying to find out if he's being honest with her. After a few moments that seem both too long and too short she sighs and softly touches Gale's cheek.

"I know you, Gale," she whispers. "You're just like your father – you  _always_  try to do the right thing. The problem, my boy, the problem is that this world doesn't always allow us to do what we feel is right. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, things that are against everything we believe in, but they simply have to get done by  _someone_ …" Her gaze is hollow, as if she was talking more to herself than to her son. "Do you understand that, Gale?"

Gale doesn't understand at all, but he still nods because he feels like his mother needs him to agree.

"Alright…" She sighs again. The candlelight flickers over her face and highlights the sharp lines on it – when did she get those? She was so young and strong only a few years ago… "So, just promise me one thing – don't put yourself in danger for this girl – or for  _any_ girl, in that matter. As much as I hate to say it; we depend on you, Gale." Hazelle's voice is stern now. "If something happens to you, I'm not sure how to keep Posy and the boys fed. So don't take any unnecessary risks. Think of your family. Please."

Gale nods again, a thick lump in his throat. His mother's words bring something back to the surface that Madge's regular company lately has made him almost forget – the realisation that every single day in the Seam is a fight for survival.

And suddenly, Gale is afraid. He is afraid that Katniss might have been right after all – that there is actually no place for love in their lives…


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 

When Catnip finally comes back from the Victory Tour, Gale can't even look into her eyes. Silence is not an uncommon thing between the two of them, but usually it's not an uncomfortable silence. Now, they don't really know what to say to each other, even though they try to pretend that nothing happened, that nothing changed.

But it did. Katniss is  _engaged_. Katniss Everdeen, the girl who never wanted a husband and children, is going to marry Peeta Mellark – and Gale will be forced to stand in the crowd, flashing his most charming smile and pretending to be happy for his  _cousin._

There were so many ways in which his Catnip could have been taken away from him – she could have starved to death, or been killed by an animal in the forest, she could have died in the Hunger Games… but Gale never expected to lose her to a sensitive blonde baker.

* * *

It all starts with the food they receive on Parcel Day being less and sometimes even rotten.

The supply trains arrive more irregularly and bring fewer goods. In the middle of a bitter winter, even those who have money, like Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and the Undersees, have trouble getting what they need.

In the Seam, people are starving to death.

* * *

There is talk of a rebellion in the mines. Speculations about uprisings in Four, Ten and Eleven being the reason for the shortage in food supplies. Rough voices in the dark of the tunnels whispering about standing up against the Capitol.

"It's Katniss and Peeta," Thom mumbles one day during lunch break; more to himself than to Gale. "They've tricked Snow. They've shown the whole nation that the Capitol isn't invincible; that the bad guys don't always win. That gives the people in the Districts hope – something they didn't have for the last seventy-five years."

Gale's heart starts to beat faster. Hope. Change. Rebellion. It could actually happen…

* * *

It's Sunday morning and Gale actually meant to take Rory out hunting, but the boy has caught a bad cough. He is almost happy that he is alone when he finds Catnip's message: A bag full of food, some hot tea and a pair of fine, fur-lined gloves. Next to it, a few broken twigs arranged to look like an arrow point deeper into the woods.

Gale thinks about taking the food to the Seam and giving some to his family and neighbours – it's still somewhat awkward between him and Katniss and he still doesn't feel like accepting her charity – but then his curiosity takes control. She clearly wants him to go somewhere and maybe he'll need the provisions.

After a few hours of walking, Gale starts to get angry at Katniss. Why does she lead him out here? Doesn't she realize he's wasting precious hunting time?

Gale whips his knife out and kills a turkey he encounters along the way. Cray, the Head Peacekeeper, loves turkey and will pay good money for it.

The thought that he won't come home empty-handed helps Gale to calm down a bit.

Just when he starts to feel the cold around him, Gale sees it. A small, decayed house, more of a hut actually, made out of concrete. It stands beside a small lake that must be really beautiful in summer.

He briefly wonders how this building came to be, who built it and what purpose it served. It must be very old, older than Panem, maybe even older than the trees that surround it.

But then he sees the smoke rising from the chimney and he knows this is where Catnip waits for him.

* * *

"I don't want your fiancé's old gloves," he spits at her and throws them into her lap.

"They were Cinna's," she answers calmly.

"Give them back then."

Gale puts the gloves on and flexes his fingers. Strangely, he doesn't feel bad accepting something that belonged to a Capitol citizen. They have plenty enough, anyway, don't they?

He puts down the bag and the two friends start preparing a meal. It's almost like the old times, almost like that morning before the reaping when they were having breakfast together. Gale wonders why he can't enjoy it.

"President Snow personally threatened to have you killed," Catnip tells him after a while.

Gale isn't surprised that Snow would be cold-blooded enough to execute someone without trial, but there's a mild surprise that it's supposed to be  _him_. He didn't do anything worse than poaching. Not yet.

But then Catnip starts to explain, and she talks faster and more than Gale has ever heard her talk. She begs him to run away with her, to leave the District and live in the woods, to be  _free_ , like he always dreamed to be. And he can't help but look at this girl – this woman - in front of him and see nothing but her beauty, illuminated by the warm light of the fire, the strength and bravery gleaming in the depths of her eyes…

There's pure euphoria running through Gale's veins. Happy laughter escapes his mouth as he picks Katniss up and spins her around in delight.

And suddenly, when he presses his lips against hers for the second time and it's even  _better_ than the first, he's sure of it. This is the only woman for him, the one he wants to spend his life with.

His eyes find hers. "I love you," he tells her. He doesn't need a lot of words to express himself.

She needs even less.

"I know."

* * *

Gale always thought the term  _getting your heart broken_  was only a saying, some kind of metaphor. But now he thinks he might just feel his heart break, literally.

There's pain in his chest, not metaphorical, but real, hot, searing pain, as if someone was trying their best to cut Gale's heart into two pieces with a blunt knife. His world is falling apart around him.

_'I know.'_ _? Is that the only answer she has for him? After everything?_

Gale's brain comes slowly back from its shocked state and he starts putting the pieces together. Of course she doesn't love him. Why else would she have wanted Mellark to go with them?

Katniss is just staring at him and looks like she can't believe what she just said, either. She says something, something about being sorry and not loving Peeta and that everything is just too much and she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. Gale only hears half of it. But then she mentions something that catches his attention. An uprising in Eight. She says she has seen it on the Mayor's TV, so it must be true.

This is what makes Gale make his decision. How could he ever run away with a girl who doesn't love him when he knows that he could finally have the chance to change something, to make Panem a better place?

He couldn't. He could never.

Gale Hawthorne has a plan. He leaves the girl who has just broken his heart in a blank concrete house in the middle of the woods, not looking back. His future – the future of Panem – is lying ahead of him. He'll just drop this turkey off at Cray's and then go straight to Madge and try to get some more information about those uprisings. And then, when he knows how the other Districts made it work, when he knows enough to come up with a decent plan, he'll spread the word among the miners.

They can do this. Gale feels like he waited his whole life for this day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> I'm away from home right now and I don't have my copy of CF with me, so I couldn't look anything up and I have to admit I'm not 100% sure about in which order things happen here :/ For example I can't remember when exactly Katniss told Gale about the uprising in 8.
> 
> So in case I made some terrible mistake and messed the timeline up completely, please tell me!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, reading this chapter might cause severe heartbreak and uncontrollable sobbing!

**Chapter 18**

 

He knocks on the backdoor of Cray's house like he's done dozens, maybe hundreds of times before, but the face that he sees is an unfamiliar one.

The man has the typical look of a predator, with his sharp-angled face, his piercing, cold eyes and his short-cropped grey hair. He opens his mouth as if to ask Gale what he wanted – just when his eyes notice the turkey on the visitor's belt.

Gale instantly knows he's in big trouble. His instincts yell at him to turn around and run, to flee as long as it is still possible – but at the same time the conscious part of his brain tells him that running would only make it worse.

"Well, well…" the foreign man says, his thin lips forming a wolfish grin. "What do we have here?"

* * *

"State your name!" the grey-haired man orders.

"Gale Hawthorne," Gale answers loud and clear. He's standing tall; with his head raised high, and tries his best to look as proud and dignified as you can possibly look when you're standing in the middle of the square, surrounded by a squad of Peacekeepers and with your hands bound behind your back.

"And can you tell me, Mr Hawthorne, what  _this_ is?" the man continues and holds Gale's turkey up for the crowd to see. Quite some curious citizens have gathered by now, witnessing Gale's "trial" with either scared, shocked or sympathetic expressions. Gale just hopes no members of his family are among them. Whatever this newcomer has in store for him, he doesn't want them to see.

"It's a dead turkey, sir," Gale answers. He knows the single purpose of those stupid questions is to publicly humiliate him, but he doesn't dare to stay silent, let alone give a sassy response.

There's a thin line between bravery and foolishness and Gale knows exactly where it is – he's come dangerously close to crossing it a few times in his life.

* * *

_Gale is ten years old and his father his escorting him out of the principal's office at school._

_Today, his class learned about the Hunger Games – or rather, they were learning about what the Capitol wants them to believe about the Hunger Games, how they are a glorious event and how their introduction helped to ensure peace after the Dark Days and made Panem a better nation._

_During the last part, little Gale stood up and started yelling at the teacher about how insane and unfair all of this was – it earned him a lot of silly giggling from his classmates and an official rebuke from the school._

* * *

_Back at home Mr Hawthorne sits his son down, puts his large hands on Gale's shoulders and tells him: "Listen to me, son. I know what you learned in school today upset you – and you have every right to be upset since it might very well be your future._

_But sometimes we just have to keep our mouths shut, no matter how unfair we think something is. Do you understand that?"_

_Gale crosses his scrawny arms in front of his chest and shakes his head defiantly._

_"No, Pa, I don't understand! This is_ wrong!  _Someone has to_ do  _something about it!"_

_Mr Hawthorne sighs and runs a hand through his dark hair._

_"Yes, Gale. But you are just a boy," he tells his son. "This is not the time for you to fight the Capitol. It is the time to sit down and study and do well in school so you can get a job that'll keep your family fed when you're grown up!"_

_He sighs again and looks down at the boy who is far too much like his father. "Listen, Gale, because this is the best advice I can give you: Never forget what you believe in – never let them make you forget it! Always keep your beliefs somewhere in your heart. But be careful whom you show them to. Wait for the right moment. Your time to stand up for what you believe in will come, son. Someday."_

* * *

The new Peacekeeper asks him how he acquired the turkey. Gale quickly makes up a story about having discovered the animal inside the fence and stabbing it with a stick. Still a crime, but none worth execution. No weapons, no leaving the District. Just a hungry young man taking the opportunity for an extra meal.

Gale closes his eyes and hopes this is forgivable.

* * *

In the end, he doesn't even hear his sentence, just the mumbling of the crowd and the blood rushing through his head.

There's a faint spark of hope when the bonds around his wrists are taken away – is he free? But then the grey-haired man steps in front of him with a cruel grin that promises punishment and orders him to take off his jacket.

Gale is confused. Why does this man want him to strip?

Two Peacekeepers grab his arms and drag him to a wooden post he could've sworn wasn't there the last time he visited the square, and in a matter of seconds his wrists are tied up again, above his head.

There is a booming sound as the strange Peacekeeper nails the turkey to the post.

"Just so you don't forget what you're getting this for," his coarse voice whispers into Gale's ear, coming so close that Gale can smell the onions in his breath. The warm touch of air gives him shivers.

Then a pair of hands roughly rips the back of Gale's shirt open and suddenly he knows what is coming.

Gale is standing there in front of half the District, tied to a post, completely helpless and exposed, at the mercy of a man who only needed half an hour to convince Gale that he is a heartless bastard. He starts to tremble and isn't sure if it is because of the cold winter air caressing the exposed skin of his back or because of the anger and humiliation building up inside of him. Of course it's not fear. He'd never allow himself to fear a puppet of the Capitol and his methods of torture.

It must be the humiliation that makes him shake like a leaf in the wind.

* * *

Then, the first lash comes and Gale learns a valuable lesson: A whip hurts far more than humiliation ever could.

His pride is blown away and he wants to scream and beg for mercy, but he can't because the second lash takes his breath away.

* * *

He wants to die. His back is burning like fire and he's faintly aware of the blood dripping down from his sore wrists.

And in this moment, for the first time in his life, Gale Hawthorne wants to die. It's selfish and he knows it, but he's beyond caring. He doesn't think of his family and how they will lose their main provider if he's gone, he doesn't think of Madge who'll be the lonely girl in the golden cage again without him. He doesn't even think of Catnip. Catnip…

No, all he can think of is how badly he wants this pain to end.

* * *

When the point comes where his mind shuts down and his flesh is too numb to feel anything, it's almost a relief.

Gale knows that his body gets damaged more and more with every lash and he might not survive this. He isn't able to care anymore. It slowly stops to hurt; that's good, isn't it?

The last thing he hears before he drifts into the redemptive darkness is Catnip's beautiful, clear voice screaming his name. It's nice. Now he can at least die believing that she might have felt something for him in the end. Really, if that's dying, it isn't too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder that Gale getting whipped was Suzanne Collins' idea, not mine. IT WASN'T MY FAULT! Umm, yeah, I hope you were still able to enjoy this chapter, at least to a certain extent :) Thank you so much for reading, anyway!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say thank you to all the awesome people who never run out of patience with me and still enjoy this story. Seriously, I can't even begin to describe how great all of you are and how happy you make me - if I tried these author's note would turn out longer than the actual chapter and it'd still be not nearly enough.
> 
> Thank you, guys!

**Chapter 19**

 

Gale is woken up by the soft, sweet touch of another pair of lips on his own. His eyes flutter and he can make out the silhouette of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

"Hey, Catnip," he whispers. So he's actually dead? He must be.

"Hey, Gale," she answers softly und smiles down at him.

He tries to smile back at her but the unbelievable burning pain in his back keeps him from doing so. He can't be dead then. Death should be salvation, not torment.

"Thought you'd be gone by now," he chokes out. His throat hurts whenever he tries to speak, but he doesn't care anymore. Every single fibre of his body seems to hurt.

"I'm not going anywhere," she answers softly. "I'm going to stay here and cause all kinds of trouble."

"Yeah, me too."

Even smiling hurts.

* * *

Catnip used to call Gale a born rebel.

When he is finally released from Mrs Everdeen's care, he seems more like a beaten dog; head hanging low and devoid of any thought of rebellion.

But his heart is still burning and he's never detested the Capitol more.

* * *

No one ever thought that was possible, but life in District Twelve becomes actually worse under the new Head Peacekeeper's reign.

Whipping posts and stocks appear in the square, along with a gallows.

People are being punished on a daily base.

You don't see a single Peacekeeper without a machine gun anymore. You don't see them smile, either.

The food shortages get worse and although Catnip and Peeta try their best to spread a few coins here and there, people starve because there simply isn't anything to buy.

The Hob is burning.

* * *

"You did  _what_?" Gale shouts at Rory.

"I signed up for tesserae," the boy answers in an equally angry manner. "So my family won't starve while  _you_ are lying in bed all day recovering from your own stupidity!"

"The mines are  _closed down_ , you idiot!" Gale yells back. "I  _can't_ work, y'know?"

Rory isn't impressed at all. He crosses his arms defiantly in front of his chest and his grey eyes are sparkling, very much like Hazelle's do when she's about to give a stern lecture.

"But you could hunt! You could ask for work in town – I know you used to do that right after Pa died! And what about Ma's business, huh?" Rory demands to know.

Gale stares at the floor in shame. No one gives any laundry to his mother anymore because the cowardly citizens of Twelve are afraid to be associated with the  _suspiciously rebellious_  and  _potentially criminal_ Hawthorne family.

 _Knowing I was a poacher didn't keep you from buying my game all those years, you bastards…_ , Gale thinks to himself.

Suddenly, the Hawthornes have lost all of their income – and all due to Gale's carelessness.

His face is an admission of guilt when he looks back at his younger brother.

"But t _esserae_ , Rory? Was there really no other way?" Gale asks in an almost pleading voice. "I… I couldn't just stand there and watch as you are shipped off to your death like cattle to the slaughter." He swallows. "It was hard enough with Katniss, but you… I couldn't take it. Never."

"Yeah, well, I'll just have to risk it," Rory shrugs. His voice is easy, his face unmoving, but Gale  _knows_ him – he knows of the nightmares his brother will most certainly have to endure the night before the reaping.

Gale sighs. He hates himself for letting this happen, for letting his family down. He had one job – to keep his siblings safe. And he failed miserably.

"I'm so sorry, Rory," he whispers and pulls the boy into a rough hug. "I promise you won't have to do that again."

Rory shoves Gale away with an annoyed look on his face, not being used to that much brotherly affection.

"It's alright. You just look after that shredded rag you call your back. I'll find a way to put food on the table while you can't."

Gale briefly wonders when the hell his little brother grew up that much.

* * *

Greasy Sae is smart; and she's a natural survivor.

Three days after they burned down the Hob, she's back in business, her soup stall reopened in a backroom of Rooba's butcher shop.

Gale can't help but be impressed by the old woman. He sits on her counter – Gale and Catnip are the only people allowed to do that – and scoops down a bowl of meatless broth. When he's done and insists on paying her back for the food somehow, she just waves him off with her bony, wrinkly hand and tells him: "Your brother swept out my chimney in exchange for free soup yesterday. Good kid, that one."

Gale raises an eyebrow in surprise. "My brother? Which one? Rory?"

Sae nods. "Handsome lad, really," she muses. "Just like you are. Just like your father was."

Gale smiles.

"Might have a job for your brother. With that face…"

Gale feels hot blood rise into his cheeks. "He's only thirteen, Sae!" Gale snaps, very clearly remembering what kind of  _job_ she had in mind for him a few years ago - the one that got him trapped between Mrs Undersee and a kitchen sink.

Greasy Sae just shows him a toothless grin and takes the empty bowl back.

And suddenly Gale realizes that he's always talking about rebellion and improving things – but in reality, nothing changes at all.

* * *

"You'll keep scars, of course. But apart from that, it's healing pretty well."

Mrs Everdeen finishes applying the herbal ointment to Gale's back and starts to put clean bandages back on.

Gale can still feel every single lash, but the pain subsided to a level where it doesn't leave him senseless and with a dying wish.

"That's all due to your good care, Mrs Everdeen," he says with a polite smile. It's true. Catnip's mother may be far from perfect, but she definitely is an excellent nurse. "Thank you."

"Oh, don't thank me," the blonde woman answers as she rubs her hands dry with a towel. "Mrs Undersee's painkillers did more than I ever could."

Suddenly all colour vanishes from Gale's face.

"Mrs… Mrs  _Undersee_?" he asks in disbelief. Why would the mayor's wife send him medication? Sure, there had been this one episode with the strawberries in the mayor's kitchen all those years ago, but she couldn't possibly…

"Yes," Mrs Everdeen says. "Her daughter brought some of them over while you were still unconscious. Didn't Katniss tell you?"

"No…" Gale answers, wrinkling his forehead. "No, she didn't. Well, thanks anyway, Mrs Everdeen. I'll pay you back somehow as soon as possible."

She insists that he is almost family and his treatment is free. He thanks her again and knows exactly that he will pay her eventually, no matter what she says.

After he leaves the Everdeens' house, Gale's feet lead him not home, but out of the Seam towards town. Apparently there's someone he's owing his life to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my favourite chapter so far. I really hope everyone else likes it as much as I do :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

 

„But why?" he asks, looking into Madge's water blue eyes with genuine curiosity. "Why did you bring me your mother's medicine? Doesn't she need it?"

"Not as bad as you did," she whispers calmly.

"You shouldn't have done this," Gale states.

"It saved your life," she notes.

"As I said, you shouldn't have done this," he mumbles bitterly.

"But I did it," she insists. "And I'm glad I did it." The expression on her pretty face is firm, allowing no contradiction.

Gale sighs. "I owe you, Madge. So much…" he says. He brings his face closer to hers, very slowly. She doesn't mimic his movements but she doesn't pull away either.

"It's alright, Gale." Her voice is even. "You don't owe me anything. I didn't help you because of the prospect of payback."

"Then  _why_?" he demands to know, his lips almost touching hers now.

"Gale…"  _Are those tears shining in her eyes?_ "Don't…"

"Just tell me. Please."

Their eyes lock, only inches apart, as she whispers: "You know exactly why."

"Yes," he says and feels like his heart is breaking all over again. "I know."

* * *

He doesn't kiss her. He doesn't stay the night again, although she probably wouldn't have objected.

Gale's father had always taught him to be honest with people he respected – and Gale doesn't want to give Madge false hope, only to hurt her in the end – the same way Katniss hurt him.

Somehow he almost wishes the mayor's daughter was only using him for her own pleasure because that would make this whole situation just so much easier.

But Madge… Quiet, kind, brave. She's an amazing girl, an amazing woman. But no matter how wonderful she is, Gale knows that as long as Katniss exists, he will never be able to love Madge. And he despises himself for it.

* * *

"She is  _soooo_  pretty!" Posy squeals, her eyes and mouth forming all the same nearly perfect O-shape.

 _She_ is Katniss – or rather the shaven, waxed, peeled and make-up-caked mutt her prep team has made her – filling the television screen with the beaming glory of Cinna's wedding gowns.

It's hard to reconcile the tom-boyish huntress from the woods with this woman, this goddess of silk and lace and jewels.

It's even harder to know that everything he sees on that screen isn't for Gale, but for another man. Katniss and Peeta are going to get married, inevitably. It might not be real, but that doesn't mean it won't be reality.

* * *

"Why am I even watching this?" Gale hisses when they are about to reveal which dress the Capitol voters have chosen for Katniss to walk down the aisle in. He stands up in one quick, fluid motion and is about to stomp out of the room when his mother's voice stops him.

"You are watching this  _till the end_ because it is mandatory viewing. Wouldn't want the Peacekeepers catching you outside right now, would you?"

Before he is able to suppress the reaction Gale's hand slips under his shirt and his fingertips lightly brush over the not yet fully-healed scab of one of his lash marks. It still hurts like hell and his face turns into an angry grimace whenever he thinks about the scars he'll keep.

"No," he says and sinks back onto the worn couch again, defeated. "I wouldn't."

* * *

A bad feeling overcomes Gale the second the white-dressed boy with the box enters the stage.

"That must be the reading of the Quarter Quell card," Hazelle says in a surprised voice.

That doesn't help. Gale has a bad feeling about the Quarter Quell, too. Actually, he has a bad feeling about basically everything the Capitol does.

* * *

_The male and female Tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of Victors._

Gale bolts through the door and has made his way halfway to the Victor's Village before the rest of his family have completely processed the announcement and understood what it means.  _Catnip is going back into the arena…_

When he reaches the Everdeen's new house, Gale doesn't bother knocking. Mrs Everdeen and Prim are in the living room, looking like they were expecting him.

"Where is she? Is she with you?" Mrs Everdeen asks, her shaking hands grabbing Gale's forearm for support.

"No," he answers, still out of breath from sprinting all the way here. "Why isn't she at home?"

"She ran away when…when she heared…"

"We thought she'd run to you," Prim explains. She is pulling herself together quite well, but her red eyes betray her.

Only a small part of Gale feels insulted that Catnip  _didn't_ actually seek consolation in his company – the rest is too worried about her.

"Where could she possibly be?"

Gale's first idea is the woods, of course, but the fence is electrified at all times now so that isn't an option.

"What about your old house in the Seam?" he asks.

"That's where Peeta is looking right now."

Gale curses, remembers Prim, and apologizes immediately. It irks him that he doesn't have the slightest idea where Katniss could be. How could it come that far? How come he doesn't understand his best friend anymore?

* * *

When she finally staggers up the stairs to the front door, she looks terrible. Her eyes are swollen red, she's as pale as a ghost and bleeding from a wound Gale can't spot. Her shaking hands clutch a bottle of liquor as if it was a lifeline.

Gale opens his arms without hesitation. It's weird that he is able to love this ragged, broken creature unconditionally, but not the beautiful woman in the wedding dress.

"I was wrong. We should have gone when you said it," he whispers into her messy hair.

"No," she answers, her voice slurry and weak. She has to cling to him to prevent falling.

"It's not too late," he suggests.

"Yes it is," she says and almost sounds like her usual self – before her knees give in and she collapses into Gale's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Obviously this chapter contains a lot of original dialogue from the books - sorry, but it was just inevitable since this fic is supposed to stay true to the canon. I hope you still enjoyed it :)
> 
> To make up for that, the next chapter will start with a scene that wasn't in the book, but many fans wish it was - I'm offering virtual cookies to anyone who can guess which scene I'm talking about ;)


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

 

Gale doesn't like unpredictable people; they make him feel uncomfortable, out of control.

Peeta Mellark showing up at the Hawthornes' doorstep at the break of dawn is certainly an unexpected event. The baker is holding a heavy bag in one hand and a photo camera – something utterly expensive, even for a Victor – in the other one.

"I'll try to save her, but I'll need your help, Gale."

Gale lets him in without hesitation. For Katniss.

* * *

Peeta behaves like the perfect gentleman. He greets Hazelle politely and apologizes for the early disturbance, kneels down in front of Posy and compliments her hair ribbon, and finally pulls a bunch of "leftovers" from the bakery out of his bag. The cheese buns he hands Rory and Vick are still warm.

Gale can't deny that Peeta is a likable guy; kind, friendly, warm. It's understandable that the people in the Capitol are so infatuated with him. In a different situation, a different life, Gale and Peeta might have become friends. But here and now, in the harsh reality of Panem and with the imminent threat of the Quarter Quell hanging over their heads, Gale can't help but despise the other boy for surviving when his death would have made everything so much easier.

* * *

They sit on Gale's bed, as far away from each other as possible.

"So, what do you have planned?" Gale asks.

Peeta shrugs. "Go in with her. Make the best of the star-crossed lover scheme and protect her to the end."  _Die for her…_  "Haymitch's gonna help me," he adds after a few seconds of silence.

"Then what do you need  _me_ for?"

"Two things." Peeta reaches into his bag again and pulls out a pen and an empty notebook. "Firstly, I want you to train me."

Gale raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"Teach me all you know about tracking and snares. About survival."

"You mean, you want to act like a career?" The mere thought is amusing since Peeta Mellark is basically the opposite of a typical male career.

"Why not?" The blond boy retorts. "It works for them, why shouldn't it work for me?"

The fierce determination in his words makes Gale believe in him.

"Alright. And secondly?"

Peeta sighs. "This is the difficult part. Unfortunately, Katniss is as determined to protect  _me_  as I am to protect  _her_. She thinks she owes me."

 _Of course_ , Gale thinks.  _That's Catnip, always putting others first…_

"What I want to do," Peeta continues, "is to remind her that she has so many reasons to live, so much to come back to, so many people who love her – because you  _do_  love her, don't you, Gale?"

"Yes," Gale answers honestly. "Yes, I love her." And as he thinks about Katniss' deep grey eyes, the way the sunlight reflects on her silken hair and the calm precision she shoots an arrow with, a genuine, warm smile appears on his face.

That's the moment Peeta raises his camera and takes Gale's picture.

* * *

The weeks pass way too fast. Catnip, Peeta and Haymitch try their best to prepare themselves and Gale keeps his promise and uses every free minute to support them.

When Reaping Day finally comes, it still feels like far too little…

* * *

Effie Trinket actually has tears in her eyes when she pulls the single slip with Catnip's name on it out of the Reaping ball. Gale just digs his fingernails into his palms and resists the urge to grab Catnip's hand and run with her towards the woods, towards peace and towards freedom. Of course the Peacekeepers would shoot them before they'd made it out of the square, but it's still a tempting option.

Next, Haymitch is selected and Peeta volunteers immediately. His plan worked, so far.

* * *

Gale had thought of so many things to say to Catnip – but even that is taken away from them. The tributes are ushered directly to the train, being denied their final goodbyes. It's only now that Gale realizes how much Snow truly hates Katniss – and how much he hates Snow in return.

* * *

When they watch the opening ceremonies, Catnip has disappeared and the stunning fire goddess has taken her place again. This time, she's glowing like embers, beautiful and dangerous and – of course – outshining everyone else. Gale can't take his eyes off her.

But Cinna's real masterpiece is her interview dress – the beautiful bridal gown, making the Capitol audience cry in agony for a wedding that won't ever happen because either groom or bride or both will be dead in a few weeks.

And then, the flames consume the fabric and transform Katniss, turn her into something entirely new, a dark warrior, an accusation to the President himself. Suddenly, the girl from the Seam is more than just that – she is something the Capitol never intended to exist, a symbol, metaphorically spitting into Snow's face. She is a Mockingjay.

Gale's heart has never beaten faster.

And then comes Peeta and uses his magical words to do what Katniss had just done without saying anything. He makes the people in the crowd cry and demand mercy for the young lovers. He has them wrapped around his finger.

And just when Gale starts to be glad that Catnip is in there with Peeta and not with someone else, the baker drops the bomb.

"Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar. If it weren't for the baby."

Gale's vision goes red. Catnip is pregnant with Mellark's child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was my first real attempt at writing Peeta. I really hope I managed to keep him in character. What do you think? Love it? Hate it?
> 
> There are still 14 chapters to go and I hope you'll stick with me :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! First of all, thanks again for all your kind feedback; it made me so happy to hear from you and I'm graceful for every single one of you :)
> 
> This chapter turned out quite different from how I planned it to be and I'm quite curious about how you like it. So, let's not waste any more time with author's notes - here's chapter 22!

**Chapter 22**

 

It can't be true. Catnip can't be pregnant. Her being pregnant would mean she had slept with Mellark – it would mean there was actually a true core within their fake relationship, it would mean that her love for her fellow tribute was indeed  _very real_.

And if Gale knows one thing about Catnip it is this: If she really, truly loves Peeta, then  _he_ will be the one surviving the Quarter Quell, not her.

But it can't be true, can it? Gale is her best friend, she would have told him, he's sure…

He still remembers the look on her face when the two of them were standing in that hut deep in the woods, right after Gale had confessed his love for her and she turned him down, telling him she wasn't interested in  _any_ romantic relationship  _at all_ right now… Catnip and Gale never lied to each other. It's the base of their friendship.

Surely this pregnancy thing isn't real. Probably part of Haymitch's strategy, a trick to get the audience to care for Katniss even more, to protect her. It must be.

But… what if it isn't?

* * *

That night, Catnip haunts Gale's sleep. She's not an uncommon visitor in his dreams, but this is the first time he imagines the dolled-up Capitol version of her.

She is in her wedding dress, standing on a stage surrounded by cheering Capitol citizens, eyeing her like hungry, very colourful predators. Gale shouts her name but she doesn't react, doesn't hear him over the noise of the excited crowd. When he tries to reach her he realizes that his wrists are bound to a wooden bar above his head, awfully similar to a whipping post.

He doesn't have time to wonder how he got here or what is happening because suddenly deafening trumpets are blaring from somewhere and President Snow himself enters the stage – accompanied by Peeta Mellark.

The President gives the audience a smile with his disgustingly puffed-up lips. A wave of red hot anger washes over Gale and he struggles desperately against his bonds, but it's no use. He can't break free and is forced to watch helplessly as Snow takes Peeta's hand and leads him towards Katniss.

"Ladies and gentlemen," echos Claudius Templesmith's voice over the scenery. "I give you Peeta Mellark, the winner of the battle for Katniss Everdeen's heart!"

And then, Gale – bound and powerless – has to watch as Katniss – his Catnip, who has always been so reserved and not interested in any kind of physical intimacy – melts into Peeta's kiss and willingly allows him to undress her in front of all those people with their whistling and their cat-calls.

In a matter of minutes, Katniss and Peeta are both naked. Her hand softly strokes his bare chest and she stares into his eyes lovingly before he slings his strong arm around her waist and lowers her down to the floor, placing wet kisses all over her smooth, tan skin.

Gale galls his wrists but the bonds holding him back seem to get only tighter.

The audience gives an excited cheer when Peeta positions himself between Katniss' spread legs and takes her innocence away with one swift motion. Gale wants to close his eyes but for some reason his is unable to. He is forced to witness the entire spectacle till the end – and for every single one of Peeta's thrusts, one sharp lash of a whip falls down on Gale's back, making him scream in pain and agony and anger.

* * *

His skin is coated with sweat when he is finally ripped out of his nightmare.

"Are you alright?" Rory asks with a worried frown. "You sounded like you were in pain or something."

Vick is sitting upright in his bed, looking utterly scared of his oldest brother. Gale instantly feels guilty for waking them up in the middle of the night.

He barely manages to shake his head before his stomach twists and the remnants of his meagre supper land on the floor right next to Rory's feet. The boy jumps away disgustedly.

"Yuck, man… I don't are about how ill you are,  _I_ am  _not_ going to clean that up!"

* * *

The pure mental image of another man touching his Catnip is enough to make Gale physically sick. It's not about Peeta – actually, Gale would rather have Peeta touching her than someone who doesn't care for her at all – but the general thought that she allows someone else to do things to her she doesn't allow Gale; that she trusts someone else over her best friend…

After spending half of the night on his knees, bent over the toilet bowl, Gale crawls back to his bed hating himself and with the realization that love is a cruel thing.

* * *

Seeing Katniss go into the arena for the second time is not like the first time. It is worse.

Some of the other tributes are a pathetic sight, drunkards, morphling addicts, broken people. Would Katniss have become that way, too, with the years that passed?

But some are still young, strong, and eager to win. True careers. Gale can't even begin to describe how much he despises them.

The heart of the arena consists of water, but the Girl on Fire stubbornly refuses to let herself get extinguished by it. The first day passes and Katniss stays alive, surprising the audience and Gale over and over again with her dedication and her unbreakable will to protect Peeta. She makes allies nobody would've expected her to make. She cries when the old woman from Four sacrifices herself. She laughs and jokes around with Finnick Odair only the next morning.

All that matters to Gale is that her heart is still beating. He doesn't care who it is beating for.

* * *

She could make it. President Snow probably developed the idea for this Quarter Quell specifically to punish Katniss, and yet she is about to spite him and win it.

Her alliance takes out the careers from District One; Haymitch finds an ingenious solution to the drinking water problem and they even figure out the arena's clockwork mechanism for which Head Gamemaker Plutarch Heavensbee got tons of praise by the viewers in the Capitol.

Only a handful of Tributes are left and it really looks like Katniss might have a chance of coming out alive.

But of course it isn't that easy. Is it ever?

* * *

Gale and Rory are at the Everdeens' house with Catnip's mother and sister. Gale doesn't need to support them with food like he did during Katniss' first Games, but he still tends to come over every second day or so to look after Prim and make sure Mrs Everdeen is keeping it together.

Rory accompanies him suspiciously often – Gale kind of suspects that his brother quite enjoys  _comforting_ Primrose.

They turn the TV on just the right moment – or, maybe, just the wrong one.

Mrs Everdeen instantly pulls her younger daughter close to her. Rory's eyes grow big and he grabs the armrests of his chair. And Gale and Prim just look at each other in shock as they hear their own voices screaming for help and pleading for mercy on live television.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

 

Gale is convinced that this must be the meanest trap the Gamemakers have ever thrown at the Tributes.

He  _knows_ it's not his voice those Jabberjays are displaying, he  _knows_ it has to be some sort of computer trick – how could it be any different? Gale would  _never_ beg, he would never plead for mercy like this, no matter how badly they'd torture him. He'd rather die than give them that satisfaction.

But obviously, Catnip doesn't know that. She keeps freaking out, yelling her sister's name as well as Gale's, not minding that she's drawing far too much attention to herself and her allies.

Gale curses. "She's panicking," he hisses between clenched teeth, his sweaty hands brutally grabbing one of the pillows on the couch.

"Of course she is," Mrs Everdeen whispers, her pale blue eyes staring down on the floor, empty, devoid of any hope. "She thinks her family is being tortured."

Gale feels like a red-hot iron knife was stabbed right into his heart.  _Family…_

* * *

The Hawthorne boys start going over to the Everdeens' house for almost every broadcast now. The big mansion in the Victor's Village seems too empty without Katniss there.

This year, the Gamemakers seem to be especially eager to get rid of the Tributes quickly. Their traps kill off one after the other and Caesar Flickerman is already talking about how these Games could turn out to be the shortest in history. Then, Katniss, Peeta, Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason and Beetee, the elderly man from District 3, seem to develop a plan for some sort of final strike and the tension rises. The commentators expect the Quarter Quell to end that very night.

Hazelle accompanies her sons to the Victor's Village and the Hawthornes and the Everdeens sit together in the living room, united by an invisible band of hope for one of their loved ones to come back to them safely –  _just like one big family_ , Gale thinks bitterly.

"Vick," Hazelle addresses her youngest son. "Run to the bakery and ask the Mellarks if they want to come over, will you? If that's alright?" she adds with a quick glance in Mrs Everdeen's direction.

The blonde woman just nods.

* * *

Vick comes back alone. "They don't want to come. Mrs Mellark yelled at me," he says and grimaces. "She said that she'd rather die than sit with us when  _that girl_ finally decides to turn against Peeta and kills him."

Gale clenches his fists and suppresses his anger towards this woman who has no idea who their real enemy is.

* * *

Beetee's plan is ingenious. That's probably the reason why it doesn't work.

The group splits up and everything goes crazy.

Gale watches in amazement as soft, sensible Peeta Mellark kills Brutus, the hulking career from Two.

Hazelle screams and Mrs Everdeen starts to cry silently when Johanna Mason pins Katniss down and draws her knife.

When Katniss finally decides to strike back and shoots an arrow at the artificial, yet beautiful firmament in a last, desperate act of rebellion, Prim reaches for Rory's hand.

* * *

Suddenly, everything goes black. The TV screen, the room, the street outside.

But that's not the worst. The really scary thing is the silence. Nobody in the room says anything, nobody dares to breathe. Even the birds fall silent.

It stays this way for a few minutes. Then, there is a glass panel shattering boom somewhere in the distance, accompanied by a bright flicker of orange light.

In the Victor's Village, Posy Hawthorne starts to cry.

In the rest of District Twelve, hell breaks loose.

* * *

Gale is the first one to react. As he jumps up from the couch his brain instantly switches to survival mode and his mind races trough a dozen different possibilities of what could have just happened, what is happening right now, and – most important – what he is going to do now.

In a matter of seconds he is outside. He doesn't really understand what Katniss just did, but he knows that it was something that made Snow angry enough to launch a fatal attack against Twelve.

Gale looks back at the people who followed him outside: Rory and Vick. His mother with Posy in her arms. Mrs Everdeen and Prim. The President wants all of them dead. But Gale swears he won't allow it. Not one of them is going to die tonight.

* * *

"They are circling us," Gale realizes after the fourth bomb has fallen. "They bomb the outskirts of the District first and then, when we're surrounded by a burning ring and there's no way out anymore, they are going to target the centre and kill the whole District off easily."

"Just like shooting fish in a barrel…" Hazelle says horrified.

Gale bites his lips and racks his brain. Everything here is covered in coal dust and a spark would be enough to make a building go up in flames. It's the perfect trap. Except…

"The woods!" Gale shouts suddenly. Of course! His personal place of safety could become a safe haven for all of those people that would be doomed otherwise. "Ma," he says urgently and grabs his mother by the shoulders. "I've got a plan, but you'll have to help me, okay?"

Hazelle nods, her face calm and serious, but her eyes filled with fear.

"Boys, Prim," he addresses the kids. "Go back inside the house and get a few cans of food, maybe a few blankets and Mrs Everdeen's medical kit. But be quick – we only have minutes!"

The three of them run off without questioning Gale's orders. He turns back to Hazelle.

"I guess the President doesn't want any survivors." she says in a rough voice.

"No, he probably doesn't," Gale agrees. "But that wouldn't be the first time us folks from Twelve spite him, would it?" He forces a small grin on his face, more for the sake of his still crying sister than for anything else. "Listen, Ma, we've got to hide in the woods. The electricity is off, so it won't be too hard to tear down the fence." He talking really fast now and his voice is almost cracking. Behind him, the sound of another bomb hitting the ground is audible. There are also the first screams drifting over to the Victor's Village along with the smoke and the smell of burned flesh.

"Take Mrs Everdeen and the children and get them to the Meadow – that's basically the only place not covered in coal dust, your chances of getting out are best there."

Hazelle nods again, but a moment later she grabs her eldest son's arm, forces him to face her stern gaze and asks the question he's been dreading: "And what are  _you_ going to do?"

He takes a deep breath and prepares for the thunderstorm that's surely coming. "I'm going to town and send the people in the right direction. They won't know where to go if nobody tells them."

To Gale's infinite surprise, Hazelle doesn't slap him or call him a suicidal idiot. She doesn't even give him one of her death glares. Instead she just pulls him into a quick, rough hug (with Posy almost being crushed between their bodies) and tells him to be careful.

His mother is such a strong woman. She always knows what is necessary and acceptes it, even if she doesn't like it. Gale simply has to admire her.

So he kisses Posy on the forehead, gives Mrs Everdeen a quick nod and a "See you in the Meadow" and runs off to the centre of town, while to the west of him, the next salve of bombs turnes the mines into a blazing inferno.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, as always: thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I'm really sorry for making you wait so long for this chapter. I was hoping for some comments on the last one (I was just really curious about what you guys think about the nightmare) and I thought nobody would bother commenting on the old chapter if the latest one was already up. Seeing as nobody commented on chapter 22 as it is, I guess we can call that idea of mine a pretty big fail. Oh well... hope you enjoyed this one, at least :)


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

 

_„But Pa!" 11-year-old Gale whines. "That's so unfair!"_

_"No, it isn't," Mr Hawthorne tells his son sternly. "I've told you at least a dozen times not to play with fire, haven't I, Gale?"_

_"Yeah…" the young boy sighs resignedly. "But all I did was making a tiny little campfire – nothing_ dangerous  _or anything…" he adds after a few seconds, crosses his arms in front of his chest and pouts his lips sulkily._

_His father furrows his eyebrows disapprovingly and little Gale quickly lowers his head and tries to look sorry._

_"You made a campfire in the dry grass behind the house – that's in fact_ very  _dangerous," Mr Hawthorne explains. "Everything here is covered in coal dust and therefore highly inflammable – you could easily have burned down the whole Seam! Do you understand my point, son?"_

_"Yes, sir…" Gale mumbles. Actually, he still doesn't really get what's supposed to be so bad about his small campfire, but he doesn't dare to talk back any more when his father is in a lecturing mood._

_Mr Hawthorne nods matter-of-factly and gives his eldest son's shoulder a reassuring squeeze._

_"Alright," he says. "So, to make sure you'll know better next time you'll spend the weekend helping your mother cleaning said coal dust off the face of the house."_

_Gale's jaw drops in disbelief – that will take hours!_

_"Pa! That's a cruel and unusual punishment!"_

_Mr Hawthorne grins down on his boy who is just so much like him._

_"Yes," he answers and his grin becomes even wider. "And I am one hundred percent sure it will work perfectly."_

* * *

Now, eight years later, Gale understands exactly why his father had been so strict about playing with fire. District 12 is burning and there can't possibly be more flames in hell.

Gale feels like he's running through a nightmare.

His ears are filled with the screams of his fellow citizens and the occasional booming of bombs falling down. His eyes are blinded by the bright flicker of the flames. Thick smoke fills his lungs and makes it hard to breathe. His mouth is dry from the intense heat.

Everything's a blur. People are running through the streets, headless, panicked, looking for friends and relatives. Gale stops everyone who crosses his way, grabs them by the shoulders and shouts at them to get to the Meadow.

He hopes that his own family is already safely there while he heads towards the centre of the inferno.

* * *

The bakery is ablaze. Gale can't help but wonder if Snow gave specific orders to target Peeta's and Katniss' families. If so, his own mother and siblings are endangered, too.

It's obvious that there nothing he could do for the people in the bakery. It's too late.

As Gale turns his back to the burning house he thinks about his mother who invited the Mellarks to watch the Games with them only a few hours ago – and about how they'd probably still be alive if Mrs Mellark hadn't been too proud and stubborn to join the two Seam families.

* * *

When he reaches the square, Gale knows he's too late for the second time tonight. The Mayor's mansion is already burning. But this time, Gale can't just leave without trying. He has to go in and be sure. Even if it is stupid. Even if it is suicidal.

He makes it through the front door and is overwhelmed by the heat. He can't see, can't breathe.

Despite the lack of air Gale raises his voice for one desperate shout: "MADGE!"

It comes out more as a cough than anything else. He knows he has to get out of here immediately when the support log over his head starts to creak threateningly.

Just when he can't stand the burning anymore and the urge for fresh air is getting too strong, he hears it.

It's a quiet voice, slightly rough from the smoke.

"Come on, Mother. We have to get out of the house."

Gale squeezes his eyes shut and can barely make out the two figures on top of the stairs through the swirling billows. There are two women. One of them is wearing a nightgown and is clinging to the other's arm for support.

"Madge!" Gale chokes out again.

She raises her head, clearly shocked, and her eyes take a few seconds to find him. When they do, they widen.

"Gale…" she mouths and a small smile creeps onto her dirty face. Her hair looks like molten gold in the light of the flames.

"I knew you wouldn't just leave… I knew you'd come back for me…"

It's the last thing she says before the ceiling over her head collapses and Madge and her mother are buried beneath burning rubble.

* * *

"No! Madge!" Gale yells. Suddenly he doesn't feel the heat of the fire anymore. All that's on his mind is Madge and the fact that he can still save her if he's quick enough. He doesn't care that the flames come closer and that he'll be trapped any second. Without thinking twice Gale sprints up the already dangerously instable stairs, taking three steps at a time, until he reaches the point where Madge and Mrs Undersee stood only moments ago. He reaches for one of the burning logs, not caring the slightest that it scorches his skin – when someone pulls him back.

"Are you completely insane, man?"

It takes a few seconds to identify the sooth smudged face in front of Gale as Thom's.

"Thom," Gale pants, nearly panicking. "Madge – Mrs Undersee – we have to…" he helplessly gestures to the burning heap of wood but Thom only shakes his head.

"What we have to do, Gale, is get the hell outta here before the whole damn house collapses right over our heads. Quickly!"

With that, Thom grabs his friend by the shirt and pulls him down the stairs again – not a second too early. They are barely a meter away when the stairway gives in and all that's left is a giant hole in the floor, grazed with fire.

Gale tries his best to push back the thought that this will be the grave of kind, brave Madge Undersee.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Gale asks Thom once they are back outside and trying to catch their breaths again.

"Had the same idea as you," Thom explains, bent double and coughing heavily. "The Meadow. Met your folks there. Told me where you went and I figured I'd come and help."

"Thanks, Thom. You're a real friend." Gale answers. Then he looks back to what was once the beautiful, pristine house of the Undersees and feels sick. "But I don't think there's much left for us to do."

* * *

They find the first dead bodies on their way back to the Meadow. Most of the victims are elderly people who couldn't run fast enough and suffered from fume poisoning. But there is also a woman in her forties – a former teacher of Gale and Thom – who got her head smashed by a falling roof shingle and a young couple which tried to jump out of an attic window in a town house to escape the fire.

From time to time, they hear cries for help from inside a building, but not even Gale tries to go inside anymore. They don't have water or anything else to attempt to put out the fires. Even if they had it would be nearly impossible by now.

All that's left to do is hurry back to the Meadow and tell all the people they meet on the way to come along.

* * *

When they finally arrive like two sooty, burned shepherds with their herd, the fence has already been torn down and the few survivors await them, hidden in the shadows of the woods.

Thom coughs and shakes uncontrollably now. Gale suddenly remembers his friend's lung disease – how could he have forgotten? – and briefly wonders who is the suicidal one of the two of them.

"Thom," he says, putting a hand on Thom's shoulder. "We'll have to hike a few miles deep into the woods, but as soon as we find a safe hiding place Mrs Everdeen will take care of you, okay?"

Thom nods and gives Gale a crooked smile.

"Sure, mate. Whatever you say."

There's an affirmative mumbling in the crowd. Gale looks up in surprise and realizes that every single one of District 12's survivors – there must be only about 800 of them – is staring at him. He can feel himself blushing involuntarily.

"Well, Hawthorne?" Rooba, the butcher, breaks the silence eventually. "Where are we going?"

Gale clears his throat.

"Umm. Well… the woods I suppose?" He looks at the people standing next to him.

Rooba rolls her eyes impatiently. "Yes, boy, we know that. But we are not the ones who spent nearly every weekend in there."

And suddenly it dawns on Gale – they expect him to lead them. Well, not unfounded, considering he was the one who sent them here.

Right now, Gale feels like a little boy again. The little, frightened boy who was suddenly expected to be the man of the family after his father's death and had absolutely no idea how he should ever manage that.

Unsure what to do, he searches for a familiar face in the crowd and finds his mother. She looks into his eyes and nods – only once, firmly. It's clear what she wants to tell her son:  _You can do this. You_ have  _to do this._

So Gale clears his throat again, turns to the people who trust him with his life, and marches on with steady steps towards the only place he can think of – the little concrete hut by the lake where Katniss once took him.

* * *

They are screwed.  _Royally_ screwed.

There are about 800 people left, among them a whole load of now orphaned children. Many of the survivors are heavily injured. Gale's right hand and forearm are severly burned and need to be bandaged.

Mrs Everdeen and Prim have organised a makeshift infirmary with the help of Leevy, their neighbour from the Seam, but they are helplessly overcharged.

Hazelle, Greasy Sae (who survived, of course – that woman is just indestructible!) and a few other women try to make a meal out of the few provisions the kids took from the Everdeens' house and roots and berries they can find around them. Of course it's far from enough.

The fact that they don't dare to start campfires out of fear of being spotted by Capitol hovercrafts doesn't really help.

A rough evaluation of the situation shows that they have two first aid kits, a dozen blankets and five knives. Gale adds a fishing net he found inside the concrete hut and two bows – his and Catnip's. But he doubts that anyone here except him is actually able to shoot a bow so the second one won't be of much use.

A bow, a fishing net and five knives. That's all he has to feed 800 people for an uncertain time.

Gale remembers the day his father died. He thinks of the day Catnip was reaped. And he comes to the conclusion that he has never felt as desperate as he does right now.

* * *

That night, Gale cries. He can't remember the last time he actually cried, but he does now. He climbs a tree, watches his home District burn from afar and takes an hour to allow himself to mourn all of the people that should be here with him right now but aren't because of the cruelty of the Capitol.

His father, the man he looked up to so much… his first love, Heather, who had been taken away from him by the Games… Madge, the quite girl who gave him hope during so many dark nights… and of course Catnip, his Catnip… was she still alive? What happened in that arena before the screens went dark?

Gale massages his temples to fight the looming headache. He is just so  _tired_ , but there is no time for sleep.

As he lets his look run over the blazing inferno that was once District 12 for the last time, Gale realizes that he isn't sorry to see it burn. Not really. 12 has never been his home; this place has always been taken by the woods.

No, District 12 was a dirty, sordid place full of poverty and hunger and injustice. Full of bad memories. And Gale isn't sorry to see it burn. But he wants is for the Capitol to burn just the same.

* * *

Somehow they make it through two days and two nights without losing a single one of their injured. Thom is still not looking too well, but he's already joking again and trying to set one of his sisters up with Gale.

Rory and Vick started to tell Posy fairytales in order to distract her, and before they know it they have three dozen little children sitting in a circle around them, glued to their lips.

Gale has managed to find some rope in the hut and thanks to his snares they have even enough meat to make a thin soup for everyone on the second day.

The here and now is working, somehow. Gale has no idea about the future.

* * *

Gale is just about to check the fishnet in the lake, when he notices the birds falling silent. It takes him just a few seconds too long to realize what that means. When he comes running back into the camp, the hovercraft is already descending.

Everything is over. They have found them.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> Writing this chapter turned out to be quite difficult. I had problems getting into Boggs' and Pres. Coin's characters, I had trouble structuring this chapter and I had no idea where to put a focus and what to leave out... So I'm really sorry if this chapter is rather disappointing... I promise to do better next time :)

**Chapter 25**

 

Everything was futile.

For a tiny fraction of a second, Gale is about to pull out his hunting knife and stab it into his own heart – he'd rather die than let the Capitol have him.

But then he spots his family in the middle of the panicking, screaming crowd, and runs to them, his right hand reaching for his mother's and his left one pulling his brothers close to his body, trying in vain to shield them from everything that is about to come.

He closes his eyes as the hovercraft descends upon them.

Once it has landed in the middle of the clearing, something strange happens. The citizens of Twelve – or what's left of them – stop crying and yelling but suddenly become very calm. Not one of them tries to run – they know there is no place left for them to go.

Instead of panicking anymore, they stand together, families and neighbours, shoulder to shoulder, heads raised high. Even the children stay silent.

They are dirty, starving, injured and desperate, but that doesn't keep them for expecting the final blow of fate with dignity. Gale is proud to stand among them.

* * *

A hatch in the hovercraft's belly glides open, really slowly, almost in slow motion. After a few moments during which everybody on the clearing seems to hold their breaths, three men step outside onto the stairs. Two of them are heavily armed and flanking the third one, a tall, sturdy guy with a grey military haircut.

For some reason the first thing Gale notices is that none of them is wearing a Peacekeeper uniform. He's not sure if that's a reason to be relieved or one to fear them even more.

The man in the middle, who seems to be the leader, let's his eyes wander over the miserable assembly of people in front of him and raises an eyebrow.

"You are the survivors of the District 12 bombing, I take it." His voice is deep and powerful, and it could be intimidating, if his tone wasn't that full of compassion. "I'm Commander Boggs of District 13. Don't worry – we are here to help."

An unbelieving murmur rises.  _District 13? Is this one of Snow's sick jokes?_

The man – Boggs – gives a sympathetic smile.

"I don't expect you to belief my words immediately – but if your leaders consent to come inside the hovercraft I will explain everything and proof the validity of my claims to them."

The people still eye him suspiciously. Most of them have learned from a young age that officials are seldom to be trusted.

"If we send someone inside, how can we know that you won't just kill them?" someone to Gale's left demands to know.

Gale turns his head to see Thom step forward.

"How can we be sure this is not one of the Capitol's traps?"

Boggs takes a second to contemplate, then he grins down on Thom.

"Well, young man – you can't."

The crowd starts murmuring again and Thom crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"But," Boggs continues, "that really doesn't matter, because if we want to kill you, we  _will._ "

Next to Gale, Hazelle gasps.

" _We_ are the ones with the weapons and the hovercraft.  _You_ are the ones with… well…"

His gaze scans the crowd again and there is no need for him to finish his sentence. They are the ones with nothing left.

"So, it's actually pretty easy, young man," Boggs explains, addressing Thom. "If we want you dead, you die inevitably. So all you can do is trust in us  _not wanting to kill you._ " Now he raises his voice and speaks to the whole of District 12 again. "So, who is in charge? Who is speaking for you?"

Boggs eyes stick glued to Thom, obviously expecting him to step forward, but Thom doesn't.  _Who_ is _actually in charge?_  Gale wonders. Mayor Undersee didn't make it out… There is no leader left.

He looks up to find dozens, hundreds of pairs of eyes watching him expectantly. And suddenly he realizes that there  _is_ , in fact,  _someone_ , the person who lead these people all the way out here…

Gale swallows hard. He finds Thom in the crowd. His friend his casually shrugging, but his eyes betray his nonchalant behaviour – they are full of fear, pleading Gale.  _Please, don't let me do this alone._

And Gale thinks of how Thom has been the only person there for him during his first weeks in the mines, how Thom helped to carry him to the Everdeens' after his whipping, how Thom came back to town during the bombing to help him… and he nods, because what else is there to do?

"We are speaking for the citizens of District 12," he shouts, stepping forward to Thom's side.

Boggs raises an eyebrow.

"Well, then follow me," he says, turning back into the darkness of the inside of the hovercraft.

The other people respectfully make way for Thom and Gale. Gale's own bravery makes his stomach twist.

* * *

Nuclear weapons, fake television pictures and an underground society – Gale is not really sure what to make of all of this, but what he  _is_ certain of is that he doesn't like President Coin.

That woman with her perfect hair and her perfect clothes who sits there with her perfectly controlled face and tells him as cool as a cucumber that she and her people just watched 74 years of oppression, starvation and Hunger Games without lifting a single finger to help the other Districts. Gale despises her from the moment he is lead into her office.

But she has a point – what she says seems to be true.

Thom and Gale share a quick glance after Coin has finished her explanations.

"So… what is going to happen now?" Gale asks after a few seconds of silence.

Coin answers with a cold, arrogant smile.

"We are going to load your people into the hovercraft – there are fewer of them than we expected, they'll all fit in. Then, we'll take you to 13 where all of you will be granted free citizenship. We'll feed and clothe you and look after your wounded."

She pauses to give the two young men the opportunity to thank her for her infinite kindness. When both of them stay silent, she continues: "Operating from 13 we'll launch preparations for a rebellion, a war against the Capitol."

Gale gasps and looks at her in shock. War is such a big word! But then, if he's being honest, he's ready to do big things.

"You and your people will be part of this rebellion, one way or another. If they agree. Of course they are free to refuse our offer and stay here, hidden in the wilderness for the rest of their lives," she adds with a smug grin. "So?" she looks at the two tired men in front of her desk. "What is your answer?"

Thom sighs and runs a hand trough his hair. Gale stands up.

"We'll tell them to get inside the hovercraft."

* * *

"Mr Hawthorne!" President Coins sharp voice stops Gale as he is about to leave the room. "Let your friend go and inform your people. I'd like to have a word with you in private."

He doesn't like the sparkling in her eyes, but he doesn't really have a choice, so he slumps back down onto the chair. When was the last time he slept properly?

"Well, well, the great Gale Hawthorne…" Coin's gaze wanders up and down his body and finally sticks with his eyes. "Katniss Everdeen's  _cousin._ "

There's a sharp intake of breath from Gale.

"Don't think we don't know who you are," Coin states. The double-meaning of this statement doesn't slip Gale's attention. "Just the man I was looking for."

For some reason every word this woman says makes Gale hate her a tiny little bit more.

"I need you to do me a favour."

* * *

Catnip is behind that door. Gale still can't believe it. His Catnip is alive and only a few inches of polished metal are separating him from her. Unfortunately his pleasant anticipation of reuniting with her is tarnished by the bad news he has to deliver.

When the door opens, it's like all the pain and tiredness and worries simply disappear. All that matters is the look on her face when she sees him, her arms around his neck and the sound of her voice as she whispers his name.

It's like they've never been apart.

Gale takes in her familiar scent and he realizes that his home isn't in District 12, isn't in the woods either – home is where this woman is. All he can think of is that he doesn't want this moment to end – and he just knows that she feels the same way.

But he knows that it has to, no matter how much he hates himself for adding another nightmare to Katniss' collection. But it has to be done and Coin wants him to be the one doing it.

"Katniss…" he approaches her like he would do with a wounded animal, about to deliver a merciful death blow. For a second, he is afraid that he might actually kill her, that the shock of hearing what Snow did to punish her for her act of rebellion might be to much to take – but then, before he can stop himself, the words come out of his mouth: "There is no District 12".

And he watches as his best friend's world falls completely apart; helpless once more.

* * *

Gale is naked. Naked and shivering. The neon light in the cool, white-tiled room blinds him. The doctor is a friendly man, but Gale still feels uncomfortable and only reluctantly lets this stranger touch him and examine every single inch of his body. Strangely, the part he felt most uncomfortable showing was his scarred back.

"Alright, Mr Hawthorne," the doctor says with a kind smile and crosses something out on a checklist. "A few minor burns which will hurt for a while but will do no permanent damage. I'll give you a salve for it, apply it three times a day and you'll be fine in a matter of a week."

He turns the page on his checklist. "Your blood samples are also perfectly okay. Now all I need to do is give you a few shots. Elea!"

The door opens and a young girl comes inside, no older than fifteen or sixteen. She's carrying a bundle of freshly washed grey clothes – which makes Gale instantly aware of the fact that he is absolutely stark naked. He's not sure who blushes more, him or Elea. She keeps her gaze pinned to the floor while she hands him the clothes and hurries out of the door before he is able to mutter a quick "Thank you!".

"You can put the trousers and the undershirt on already."

Gale purposely looks away while the doctor pokes needle after needle into his arm, telling him about what illnesses the shots are supposed to prevent.

"That's it for now, Mr Hawthorne."

Gale gets up and puts his new shirt on.

"I want you to stop by at the medical wing in a few days to let someone check on your burns. After that you'll be required to show up for monthly check-ups. That's standard procedure for soldiers."

Gale just nods, too tired to complain. Apparently, he is a soldier now.

* * *

Grey. That's Gale's main impression of District 13. Grey and cold and confining. He hates it.

The Hawthornes get assigned to a small compartment, three levels below ground. Gale is officially an adult, so he gets offered to live separate from his family and share a dorm with another young, male soldier, but he quickly declines. His mother, siblings, and Catnip are the only consolation in this dull place.

Thom is one of the few people of 12 who isn't granted the title  _soldier._ The doctors deemed him unable for duty as soon as they discovered his lung illness.

Gale quickly learns that Haymitch is also here – he had been working with 13 and planning the rebellion all along, that sneaky bastard! Unfortunately, there is a strict prohibition of alcohol in District 13, and withdrawal renders Haymitch pretty much useless.

With Thom and Haymitch both out of commission, Gale is the one people come to with their problems. He quickly becomes the link between the people of 12 and President Coin and her minions.

"That's what you always wanted, isn't it?" Hazelle asks one evening. "Stepping up. Finally  _doing_ something."

Gale isn't so sure anymore.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys (those of you who are still sticking with me after the incredibly long wait for this chapter)!  
> Sorry it took me so long to get this up - annoying real life issues like exams and stuff came up and I got distracted. The next chapter will be up before the end of this week, I promise!  
> But for now, I hope you have fun with the latest one :)

**Chapter 26**

 

„This is a communicuff," President Coin explains while a soldier straps the cool metal device to Gale's right wrist. „It will enable me and my officers to notify you about urgent meetings at any time. Only people who are considered important to the cause are granted one." She scans Gale's face with an unreadable expression. „You should feel honored, Soldier Hawthorne!"

Gale inspects the thing on his wrist suspiciously.

„How do I take it off again?" he asks.

„Oh, there's a code to open the fasteners," Coin answers nonchalantely.

„And that code is…?"

„I don't think there is any need for you to know that, Soldier." She focuses on the papers on her desk again and the soldier by the door grabs Gale's arm and roughly drags him up. It's more than obvious that he is dismissed.

From now on, Gale belongs to Coin. She calls him to the headquarters whenever she pleases. The annoying beeping of the communicuff interrupts his precious alone time with Katniss far too often, but he has no choice but to obey Coin's calls if he wants to stay in a position to actually do something useful.

„You're like a dog that she put into a collar," Rory once mocks him. Gale just stomps off angrily. He doesn't know what to say because his brother is right.

* * *

Then they show the interview with Peeta and everything gets worse. Katniss is on the edge of a breakdown and Gale's heart breaks all over once again when he notices the desperate, caring, and maybe, just maybe  _loving_ look on her face as she watches her _husband_ on the screen. He knows by now that they are not married, that she was never pregnant, that there hasn't even been anything more than kissing and holding each other between Katniss and Peeta.

But still… there is something between the two of them. Something that locks Gale out.

But he is still her best friend and he does what a best friend is supposed to do in a situation like this: He gets in the way of a big, muscled soldier so Katniss can get out of the headquarters and hide in a closet.

Coin actually yells at him. Her hair is ruffeled.

Gale is almost glad when they take his communicuff away as punishment. He isn't made for a leading position anyway. He's never been a leader. Well, at least not voluntarily…

* * *

When Gale and Catnip sit together in that closet in District 13, you could almost think the Hunger Games and the whole star-crossed-lover issue had never happened. There is a familiarity between them that Gale had missed for so long. They laugh together. He can feel the warmth of her body next to his and he thinks that this is one oft he good things about being stuck down here in these grey hallways – getting Catnip back.

„What are you gonna do?" he asks after a while.

Of course she knows immediately what he is talking about, but she still takes some time to contemplate before she answers.

„I am going to be the Mockingjay."

Gale beams with delight. She is going to do it! She is going to be the symbol of the rebellion! With her, standing at the front of the freedom movement, they can finally start fighting! Gale is convinced that this is the beginning of the Capitol's fall, the beginning of the end of oppression and injustice.

He is proud that he was the one to convince Katniss to join the war efforts. It's only hours later, when his tattooed schedule orders him to bed and the lights are dimmed, that Gale remembers the expression on Katniss' face when she saw Peeta is alive.

And suddenly he realises what – or rather  _who_  - the only reason for her to say _yes_  truly is.

* * *

The next day in command, Catnip manages to surprise Gale once again. She has  _conditions._  Quite a lot of them, actually.

Being allowed to keep Prim's cat. Immunity for Peeta and the other captured victors. Being allowed to hunt with Gale.

Gale is kind of satisfied that she thought of him and didn't only demand something for Peeta. He is glad to see that he is still on the same level – importance-wise – as Peeta. But, on the other hand, both Peeta and him are on the same level as the ugly old cat…

It's the last condition that shocks Gale the most. Catnip wants to kill Snow. He thinks back to their final minutes of goodbye before her first Games, back to when she told him that killing people was so much different from hunting animals.

All of this had changed her.

 _Well, fighting for your life changes everyone,_ Gale thinks.  _War changes everyone._ Suddenly, he is afraid how much it will change himself…

* * *

When they find Katniss' former prep team beaten and in chains, Katniss is shocked, horrified even.

Gale can't understand her. Those are the people who helped to beautify her for the slaughter. They helped to make the Games happen, they were exicted about them, flattered to be part of them.

No, Gale can't understand his best friend's compassion for these monsters at all.

Maybe, the war doesn't need to change him. Maybe he was just born a soldier.

* * *

Gale doesn't know much about Beetee; only that the elderly District 3 victor is supposed to be some sort of technical genius. The bow he has fashioned to complete Katniss' Mockingjay outfit is a true masterpiece, absolutely fantastic.

The one Gale gets to keep isn't too bad, either. It feels absolutely different from the bows Catnip's father had made so many years ago – those bows had been mere instruments for hunting. This one is a real, deadly weapon, designed for war.

Gale notices how perfectly it fits in his hands.

* * *

„Have you been educated? Trained in engineering, or something similar?" Beetee asks Gale after Catnip has left the special weapons department.

Gale shakes his head and laughs dryly.

„I've never been really trained in anything that isn't linked to coal," he answers.

„Would you like to learn a bit about it? You seem to have a natural understanding for technical processes – would be a shame to let that talent go to waste."

For a moment, Gale is completely baffled. This is the first time in his life someone has called him  _talented._ It's also the first time somebody has offered him an opportunity to devote himself to something he is really interested in – and that isn't related directly to his and his family's imminent survival.

„You'd teach me?" Gale inquires unbelievingly. „On which conditions?"

Beetee just shrugs and gives the younger man an honest, warm smile. „My health is bothering me since the arena." He motions towards his wheelchair. „I could use a helping hand. An assistant."

Gale considers this for a second.

„Would working down here prevent me from having to run over to Coin every five minutes?"

Beetee smiles widely.

„I think we could arrange that."

Now Gale starts to smile, too.

„Then we have a deal."

* * *

Of course Gale insists to accompany Catnip when they finally allow her to leave this grey underground prison and send her to Eight. To his own surprise, there are little objections from Coin or anyone else.

The next morning, Gale is put into a grey uniform, takes his new high-tech bow and boards a hovercraft alongside Catnip, Boggs, Haymitch (who is sober and in surprisingly good shape), Plutarch Heavensbee and a camera team.

There is also a very  _colourful_ woman who talks a lot and calls Gale  _handsome_ and  _camera-ready_.

With a slight shiver he remembers the last person who called him handsome: It was Mrs Undersee, in her kitchen, all those long years ago, when he was still an innocent boy and she was a lonely housewife.

Back then, he hated to be thought of as handsome. By now, he has grown up and he has been forced to learn a lesson or two – and he knows that good looks can be used as a weapon. No matter how much he hates to be shoved in front oft he cameras, to be presented like a trained dog; if he can convince one single person in the Districts to join the rebels, he'll gladly endure it.

* * *

Eight is terrible. It doesn't look much better than Twelve after the bombing.

Catnip is shocked when they enter the improvised hospital. There are tears in her eyes. Gale is only full of anger towards those cowards who dropped bombs from the skies onto helpless people, not even brave enough to face them in a fair fight.

He breathes in the hate along with the smell of blood and burned flesh and sorrow.

Suddenly, Catnip's small hand wraps around Gale's wrist.

„Do not leave my side," she whispers. There is sadness and desperation in her big, grey eyes. Gale knows her, knows instinctively that she considers all of this her own fault.

„I'm right here," he answers.

Of course he is. Isn't he always? The ever faithful friend… Yes, Gale is always there for Catnip.  _She_  is the one who leaves  _him_  on a regular base.

* * *

And then, Gale's nightmare starts all over again. Bombs rain down on the District and he is running for his life.

There is an ear-shattering  _boom_ and a pressure wave throws Gale off his feet. He gets back up as soon as he is sure the volley is over, his eyes franatically searching for Katniss. She's still on the ground, shielded by Boggs' massive body. Gale's respect for the District 13 soldier immediately grows a lot.

The next time the hovercrafts attack, it is Gale who throws himself over the Mockingjay to protect her. Their bodies are firmly pressed against each other and for an instant, the world recedes. Catnip's face is only inches away from Gale's. It is flushed, dirty, yet her beauty strikes him all over again.

They are both trying to catch their breaths.

„You alright?" Gale chokes out. Somewhere behind him, something explodes, nearly drowning out his words.

„Yeah," she answers breathlessly. „I don't think they have seen me. I mean, they aren't following us."

„No, they have targeted something else."

„I know, but there is nothing back there but-"

The two hunting partners stare into each others' eyes, the same horrible realization rushing trough both of their minds at the same fraction of a second.

„The hospital. They are targeting the hospital!"

* * *

Disobeying orders never felt so good. He is a bit sorry for kicking Boggs in the face – but that's just the price for doing what has to be done. Catnip and Gale are up the ladder and on the roof of the warehouse in a matter of seconds.

„Better start with fire," Gale suggests and pulls one of Beetee's flamable arrows out of the quiver. She does what he says.  _Girl on Fire,_  Gale thinks.  _This way, I almost like it._

They are the perfect team. Working together without words, instictively, like only people who have relied on each other for years can.

But in the end, they are defeated. The hovercrafts veer, but the hospital is destroyed. Gale sees the burning rubble and the smoke and he knows there is no way anyone could have made it out of there alive. It is sad that he has enough experience with bombings by now to be able to tell this so easily.

* * *

„Katniss – would you like to tell the rebels anything?" Cressida, the young director, asks.

„Yes," Catnip whispers. Then, she repeats more forcefully: „Yes."

And Gale steps back, giving her the stage, and watches amazed as a completely new Katniss starts to shine through the sad and broken girl in front of them. A heroine, strong and fierce. The symbol of the rebellion.

„Fire is catching!" she shouts, her eyes focused on the camera. „And if we burn, you burn with us!"

At this very moment, Gale would happily burn for Katniss Everdeen and her cause.

* * *

Unfortunately, they are not allowed to go into battle again after that incident. From now on, it's all propos, propos, propos. And of course Gale with his camera-ready face isn't spared from participating. They put him into a video with Finnick Odair, displaying – according to Plutarch – as many young, handsome fighters as possible.

Finnick looks Gale's body up and down with an unreadable expression.

„You should be really glad you were never reaped, boy," the victor says.

Gale doesn't like his tone.

„I'm a hunter," he answers. „I might have won the Games."

Finnick grins, but it doesn't reach his eyes; they stay sad and empty.

„Yes," he says. „You probably would've won. That's why I said you should be glad you weren't reaped. You'd have been a very popular victor…"

* * *

When the Capitol airs the second interview with Peeta, Coin and the other leaders decide to keep it secret from Katniss. Gale submits to their wishes. Peeta didn't look good. Seeing him this way would only make her worry even more and maybe break her newly acquired fighting spirit. It's probably better this way. Better for her and better for the rebels.

As reward for his compliance, Coin hands him a brand new communicuff – this time, with a code to open it. Her sly smile makes him sick. He accepts the device anyway.

* * *

They send Katniss and Gale back to 12 again. Accompanied by a camera team and for promotional purposes only, of course.

Katniss is falling apart; her strength is used up. Gale tries his best to light her spirit once more, but he fails. The grey walls of District 13 seem to slowly suffocate her, suffocate both of them.

They think visiting the remains of 12 will help her but it only makes it worse. Seeing her stand in between the ruins and the ashes with tears in her eyes almost breaks Gale's heart.

When they are inside the house in the Victor's Village, finally free from the constant observation of the cameras, Gale remembers the times he spent here, horrible times that seem so much less bad now in comparison.

"This is where you kissed me, remember?" he whispers, running his hands over the kitchen table that was his sickbed after his whipping.

The look of pity on her face is too much for him to take and he has to muster all his willpower not to shove her away when her dry, chapped lips press against his.

"I knew you'd kiss me." The words are out before his mind even realized that they are true. "That's the only time I seem to get your attention. When I'm in pain."

It hurts. It hurts so much.

* * *

Gale doesn't even get a peaceful night to think about everything, to make up his mind about Katniss and his feelings for her.

Once he is back in 13, he is greeted by Peeta's face on a TV screen and his coarse, broken voice: „And you, in 13… dead by morning…"

 _Oh no,_ Gale thinks.  _Not another bombing…_

He is not sure how much more of this he can stand.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter. Hope you guys like it!

**Chapter** **27**

 

Gale doesn't even know where the irresistible urge to double-check the quarters comes from, but in the end, he is glad he gave in to it. Primrose Everdeen and her ugly old cat would probably not have made it to the bunker in time if Gale hadn't carried them a good part of the way.

He can't even imagine little Prim outside those thick steel doors all on her own, exposed to whatever the Capitol has coming for them. During the last years, Prim has become almost like a second sister to him.

* * *

The bare concrete walls of the bunker shake with the impact of another bomb dozens of metres above their heads. It's silent in the huge room; too silent for a place where hundreds of men, women and children are crowded together. There should be talking, laughing, crying,  _anything._

The silence and the lack of things to do almost drive Gale mad.

After an hour or so of pacing up and down the neon-lit rows of bunk beds, Hazelle sternly tells Gale to stop acting like a caged animal and make himself useful. So he hesitantly drops on his bed and starts to tell Posy a fairy tale, a wonderful story full of magic and adventures and something new to discover behind every tree and rock. Vick joins them and listens, his eyes glued to his older brother's lips, but Rory just snorts, rolls his eyes and storms away after a while – he is too old to believe in stories with happy endings anymore.

* * *

Gale doesn't even try to sleep. He knows he couldn't anyway, not down here, in this underground hall, that reminds him of the mines in so many horrible ways. Not in this shelter, that could become a mass grave before dawn.

He is lying on the top bed of the bunk, his hands folded behind his head, staring at the high ceiling above him. He has no idea how many hours have passed since the evacuation – there isn't even a clock down here; no way to tell the time.

Gale's mind races, forces him to analyse every aspect of their situation. Coin made a speech earlier, promising them the walls of the bunker were impenetrable and they were perfectly safe. But Coin is the type of leader who would lie to her people without hesitation to prevent panic.

How long can they survive inside the bunkers? They have their own emergency generators inside and are connected to 13's water supply, but eventually they will run out of food and will have to return to the more vulnerable parts of the District to stock up again.

No,  _they_ can't stay in here forever, whereas the Capitol could be going for a very long time… There won't be anyone coming to 13's help; there isn't anyone out there who even has the capacities to  _try_ …

And then, there is always the horrible possibility of Snow ordering the launch of nuclear weapons. The term alone is enough to make Gale shiver. In his head, the words  _nuclear war_ are synonymous for  _end of the world._

* * *

When a whole day passes without the dull booming of bombs and the slight shaking of the walls, Coin finally announces that it is save leave the bunker now.

There is no time to be rejoiced for Gale. Boggs motions for him to step into an elevator with Plutarch Heavensbee, Haymitch, Finnick and Catnip.

"I need the four of you suited up and above ground immediately," Plutarch tells Gale and the three Victors.

 _Great,_ Gale thinks.  _More propos._

* * *

Getting a few sentences, a few words out for the cameras right now might just be the hardest fight of Katniss Everdeen's life.

Could it actually be possible that Peeta's love for her saved her soul? Gale watches her face and is sure of it. And he realizes something else – without Peeta, Katniss will fall apart. They have to get him out before Snow can do something to destroy him, something like he did with Finnck – because when Peeta breaks, Katniss will inevitably break, too.

When Plutarch asks for volunteers for a rescue mission, Gale's hand is the first one to shoot up.

* * *

"All of you have to be clear about the fact that we could very well not survive this mission," Boggs' loud voice tells the dozen people assembled in front of him. "So if anyone wants to change their mind – this is your last chance. Nobody is going to judge you if you step off this hovercraft right now."

The team – consisting of Gale, another young refugee from 12 and ten soldiers from 13 – just stare at their leader in silence. They have already made their decisions. Either succeed, or die trying.

* * *

The plan sounds easy. The hovercraft lands on the outskirts of the Capitol, out of the reach of the security sensors. They enter the city by foot and in disguise. After a few hours of walking through the streets that are lined with buildings higher than anything Gale has ever seen, they meet with Plutarch's inside men who issue them with weapons and smuggle them into the facility where the captured victors are held.

The cameras have already been disabled by one of their allies in the control room. Boggs pulls a few capsules from his belt and throws them into the corridor before them where they open up and emit some sort of gas that knocks the guards out in a matter of seconds.

The rebels have floor plans of the building; they know in which cells Peeta, Johanna Mason and Finnick's girlfriend, Annie Cresta are held – now they just have to get there, blow the locks up and take the prisoners out of the city unnoticed, back to the hovercraft, before the guards wake up and are able to cry havoc.

Yes, it really sounds like an easy task. Except it isn't.

Gale doesn't even have time to curse under his breath when the floor beneath their feet explodes.

* * *

Pain. Unbearable agony. That's everything there is.

Gale gets thrown against a wall. His vision goes black for a few seconds – then he is ripped out of the looming unconsciousness by a sharp sting in his right shoulder. Some part of flying rubble has buried itself beneath his shoulder blade. He can't move his arm without crying out in pain.

"Get up, kid!" Boggs shouts into his ear and roughly drags him to his feet. And Gale runs, he runs for his life, the adrenaline rushing through his veins and shutting the throbbing in his shoulder out.

Somewhere behind him, the sound of bullets being fired resonates, followed by screams. Gale doesn't turn around, doesn't stop running, until Boggs grabs his arm, making him wince.

The District 13 soldier fixes a metal device onto the lock of the door in front of them.

"Stay back!" he orders Gale. A mere second later, the device explodes, pushing the heavy metal door open. Gale follows Boggs inside the cell and is shocked by what he sees.

The first thing he notices is the stench. It's a mixture of urine, old sweat and something else Gale knows he has smelled before but can't quite place. On the far side of the room there is a small figure, crouched on a dirty mattress. It's a young woman and she is stark naked. She just stares at the two men for a few seconds with big, frightened eyes. Then she scrambles away from them, presses her body close to the wall and covers her ears with her hands, rocking forth and back like a child trying to convince herself the shadow on the wall was just a shadow, not a deadly monster.

Gale approaches her, slowly, like he would do with a wounded animal. He wants to reassure her, tell her that they are the good guys, coming to get her out, but Boggs is faster. The soldier simply takes off his jacket, throws it over the girl's shoulders – and then he grabs her and throws  _her_ over  _his_ shoulder as if she weighed nothing more than a rucksack. He ignores her panicked yelling and her desperate punches against his back.

"Let's get out of here," he tells Gale with a grim face.

* * *

One of their Capitol allies steals a car and takes them back to the city borders, driving around the town at breakneck speed until they are sure they have lost their pursuers.

Nobody talks during the ride. Boggs is staring out of the window with a tense expression. He knows they are not safe yet, not safe at all, driving around in the lion's then with hundreds of peacekeepers being on alert by now. The young woman – whom Gale has recognized as Annie Cresta – is crying silently and still covering her ears. Gale himself simply closes his eyes and tries to ignore the pain in his shoulder.

* * *

There were twelve of them going on the mission – back come only seven.

When Boggs, Gale and Annie arrive at the location where to hovercraft is hidden, there is nobody there but the pilot who stayed back to be ready in case of a quick departure.

They sit down and wait. They tend to their smaller wounds. Boggs doesn't dare to pull the sharp piece of metal out of Gale's shoulder because he fears he might do even more damage, so Gale has to grit his teeth and just endure the ache.

The pilot, whose name Gale has already forgotten, brings a blanket to cover up Annie's nakedness. The young woman has realized by now that they are here to help her – the sentence: "We are going to take you to Finnick" was enough to calm her down.

When Annie drops Boggs' jacket and gratefully takes the blanket, Gale's old fashioned District 12 upbringing urges him to look away, but he can't help catching a quick glance at Annie's skinny body, her bruised skin – and the trickles of dried blood on the insides of her thighs.

He never hated the Capitol more than he does at this very moment.

* * *

Before the rescue team left, Boggs told them what they were supposed to do if they were forced to split up.

_"Finish the job if you can. If you can't, return to the hovercraft immediately. Whoever gets to the hovercraft first waits an hour for the others to turn up; an hour, no more – if they don't arrive by then you leave without them, no matter what. Understood?"_

Gale shouted a "Yes, sir!" along with the others, but he already knew he was lying back then. He could never leave anybody here in the Capitol, he couldn't. In fact, he is already planning the best way to escape Boggs' observation and go looking for the others when they arrive.

Five soldiers, carrying two limp bodies. Gale doesn't take a closer look at the soldiers' faces. He doesn't want to know who they lost.

* * *

They made it. Sure, there were casualities, but that doesn't lessen the fact that they walked straight into the Capitol and freed three high-security prisoners. Gale would've loved to see Snow's face when the President learned the news.

* * *

Johanna Mason looks worst. Her head is shaven, her body covered in bruises and oozing scabs. It's hard for Gale to reconcile that broken girl with the fierce killer he witnessed in the Quarter Quell. He thinks she might not survive the flight back to 13, but when he leans down to her to check if she's still breathing, her lids flatter and after a second, she opens her eyes, staring directly into Gale's face only inches away from hers.

"Finally something nice to look at," she whispers before she drifts back into the darkness again.

Annie seems mostly unharmed, at least physically. Gale isn't too sure about the mental part, though.

Peeta was unconscious when they found him and hasn't woken up yet, but he is alive. Alive and returning to Katniss.

Gale knows this is what his best friend needs right now. He knows Peeta can save her, save her sanity, save her in a way Gale can't.

The thought makes Gale angry. He isn't sure who he is angry at – Peeta or Katniss or maybe himself – and it doesn't really matter.

What matters now is that the Mockingjay will be able to fly again.

* * *

"Gale!" Catnips voice sounds sincerely worried when she hurries toward him.

Then, a sharp wave of pain rushes through his body as the doctor pulls on the metal piece beneath his shoulder blade, and he has to close his eyes. When he opens them again, a nurse has shut the door and Catnip is gone.

* * *

It's his mother who tells him about Peeta's hijacking. About him trying to strangle Catnip. Actually, nobody was supposed to tell him yet, as long as he is still confined to the hospital wing. But Hazelle was never one to keep secrets from her son just to spare him.

Gale is furious. He wants to punch something, preferably Peeta's face – but of course he doesn't. It's not Peeta's fault, it's Snow's. But that doesn't mean Gale won't do anything to keep Peeta away from Catnip, to keep her safe.

 _Ironic,_ Gale thinks.  _Just yesterday I thought I was saving her by bringing him back to her…_

* * *

"So, you were a trapper back in 12?" Beetee asks, real interest in his voice.

"Yeah," Gale answers with a shrug.

There is a thoughtful expression on Beetee's face. Gale is amazed by this man's brilliancy; by the way he completely retreats into his mind when he develops one of his ingenious ideas.

Gale spends the next hour making rough sketches of his snares and explaining to Beetee how they work.

"You're smart. Always taking the prey's reactions into account," Beetee says, the eyes behind his glasses shining. "I think we could use that to our advantage."

Gale doesn't really register the praise. His mind is racing again; he is excited beyond belief, eager to finish what they started.

He produces idea after idea. Booby-trapping essential areas. Frightening prey and using its flight instinct to drive it into a trap.

After another hour they have come up with a weapon. An ingenious weapon. A deadly weapon. A weapon, that might decide the war.

They'll do just what the Capitol did when they attacked the hospital in District Eight – attacking a civil target, something essential but unprotected, and then take the chances to eliminate the armed forces that will come to defend it with a surprise blow.

The timer inside the bomb that will cause two separate explosions a short time apart is Gale's idea.

He smiles at Beetee, who pats him on his good shoulder like a proud father. Finally Gale has found something he is really good at, something he can contribute. He is not a leader, not a soldier. He is an engineer. And when they have won this war – when his and Beetee's invention helped them to win the war – and he is free to decide, then this is what he wants to do with his life.

* * *

"That seems to be crossing some sort of line," Catnip states doubtfully when Gale shows her the blueprints, excited and proud, like a schoolboy showing his parents a test with a perfect score. "So, everything goes?"

 _Yes,_ Gale thinks angrily.  _Everything goes._

They  _have_  to win this war. There is no other way. If they fail, the Games and the starving and the oppression will never end. It's the only chance they have, and they simply have to take it, no matter what it costs, even if it means following the same rulebook as Snow.

It's everything or nothing now.

And sometimes, things have to get worse before they get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that was a quite depressing chapter (although Mockingjay is pretty much just angst and tears all the way through, so that's not really my fault. I blame Suzanne Collins). I hope you still enjoyed it.   
> Let me know what you think; getting feedback from you lovely people always makes me incredibly happy :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

 

Katniss doesn't tell Gale in advance that she is going to got to District Two. One morning at breakfast, she's just gone.

He remembers the horrified expression on her face when she saw the blueprints of Gale's bomb, the disappointed tone in her voice when he was explaining how it worked… and he can't help but think that she fled because of him. Not because of Peeta and his hijacking, not because the grey walls of Thirteen were slowly suffocating her. But because this war is slowly turning her best friend, her partner, the only one she could always rely on, into something he is not.

An hour after he's learned of Katniss' departure, Gale is down at Special Defence, begging Beetee to include him in the team of _brains_  that is going to be sent to Two a few days later.

* * *

Peeta looks terrible. His once so kind blue eyes are full of confusion and hate and anger. He seems like a completely changed person. There is nothing left of the boy who used to look at Catnip like she was the most precious thing in the world.

The worst thing about it is - losing this boy has made Katniss realize how much she actually needs him. How much they need each other. And while Peeta is in this state, Katniss won't ever be able to be with Gale, not matter what. She would never be able to forget him; he'd be looming over their heads like a thundercloud, dark and dangerous and always casting a shadow on everything good there might be in their lives.

Gale stands in front of the glass panel that separates Peeta's cell from the rest of the world and the thought that he'll always come second to this mad, hijacked wreck almost kills him. He could've accepted losing the girl he loves to a kind, gentle man who adores her so much he'd gladly die for her – but this? No, never.

He knows he's being selfish and despicable, but he can't help thinking that Peeta's death in the arena would've made everything so much easier.

* * *

He finds her in the woods, plucking freshly shoot geese, just a few hours after his arrival to Two. It doesn't surprise him. Where else would she go to escape the world?

The small feathers of the birds are blown around their heads while he sits down next to her. They remind him of the snowflakes that were falling when he saw her for the first time, so many years ago, in a forest so similar yet so different from this one. Everything is different now…

This time, it's  _her_ who kisses  _him._

* * *

Gale allows his lips to wander down the soft skin of Catnip's neck, to softly brush over the fading bruises that Peeta's strong hands left there. Maybe he can heal her. He can be the one to heal Catnip's wounds, now that Peeta isn't able to do that anymore.

And if he isn't able to heal her damaged soul – then maybe he can at least remind her that her body is still alive…

* * *

"How many girls have you kissed?" Catnip asks, genuinely curious, after they have broken the kiss.

"Too many to remember," Gale answers. It's the truth. He remembers Heather because she was the first one, he remembers Madge because she surprised him by being completely different from everything he ever thought her to be, but the rest just blur together somehow.

The only kiss that ever really meant something, the only girl that's important right here and now, is standing in front of him.

* * *

The next morning, they meet with the commanders of Two. The purpose of the meeting is clear: Find a way to seize the Nut, the gigantic mountain fortress in the heart of the District.

Hours come and go without anyone contributing anything useful, and soon Gale is too restless to keep sitting at the large table. He starts pacing up and down the room, catching occasional glimpses of their target through the window.

He listens to what the others have to say with one half of his mind, while the other one is racing, analysing every single aspect, taking every detail into account. It is when his eyes wander over the avalanche traces on the face of the mountain when it clicks. There are images flashing through his head, memories of workers in the mines blowing new shafts into the stone, of the huge might of rolling stone which all the miners learned to respect as highly dangerous.

"Is it really necessary that we take the Nut?" he asks cautiously. "Or would it be enough to disable it?"

"That would be a step in the right direction," says Beetee. "What do you have in mind?"

Gale looks at the faces of the people in the room, all of them staring at him with sudden interest. Commander Lyme of Two seems to be noticing him for the first time. He has everyone's attention, even that of Catnip who had been sitting at the windowsill rather impassive until now. People are actually  _listening_ to what he has to say. It makes him feel proud in a sickening, pressuring way.

If they really agree to his plan, the death of dozens, maybe hundreds of people will be his fault. He will be the one they'll hold responsible for it; he knows it. But he also knows that there is no other way.

He stares into Lyme's eyes and realizes that she thinks the same way – she's just not brave enough to speak it out loud. The workers in the Nut are from her District, her neighbours, after all.

In fact, most of the people in this room probably secretly agree that taking the Nut won't be possible without lots of casualties, but they don't dare to voice it because they don't want to be seen as cruel, merciless killers who are willing to sacrifice innocent lives to win a battle.

But, the point is –  _somebody_  has to be that person. Somebody has to be the scapegoat, or this war will never end.

And suddenly Gale remembers something his mother told him what seems like ages ago, back in Twelve:  _"The problem, my boy, the problem is that this world doesn't always allow us to do what we feel is right. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, things that are against everything we believe in, but they simply have to get done by someone…"_

So Gale raises his head, looks straight into Commander Lyme's eyes and explains his plan. And he is ready to take everything that might be coming.

* * *

The protests are muffled by the sound of Gale's own blood rushing through his head.

_"…those are workers from Two…"_

_"…should at least give them a chance to surrender…"_

_"…would be just like a mine accident, Gale…"_

Gale is angry, angrier than he has ever been in his life. The Capitol didn't give them any chance to surrender before they bombed Twelve. Or Eight. Or Thirteen…

Images rip through Gale; images of fire raining down from the skies, of the burning corpses of his friends and neighbours, of glowing rubble burying Madge and her mother… No, nobody has ever shown Gale mercy, so why should he do it?

The faster this war is over, the faster they can start rebuilding and finally live in peace. This _has_  to be done.

* * *

Gale isn't present when Coin and the other leaders make the final decision.

When waves of stone thunder down the mountain a few hours later, burying the entrances, turning the Nut into a tomb, he thinks of his father's last minutes in the darkness and suffocating narrowness of the mine shafts, and he feels sick.

In this moment, Gale hates being alive. Not because he made this plan – but because of the circumstances which forced him to make it.

* * *

_"Ma? Ma!"_

_Gale fights his way through the panicking crowd, desperately looking for his mother, his seven-year-old brother Rory clinging to his hand for dear life. Sirens are wailing and people are crying. Peacekeepers are trying to get some kind of order into the chaos, but a mine accident is the only thing in Twelve that's beyond the Capitol's control._

_Gale finally finds Hazelle at the main entrance of the mines. She's pale, her hair is messy, and her huge belly doesn't match her tiny, fragile frame at all. Gale can hear the whispers of the people around them._

_"Poor woman; three sons to feed, eight months pregnant and a husband buried down there…"_

_Gale watches his siblings while his mother sits down exhaustedly and drinks from the steaming mug people pass around._

_Hours pass. The panic subsides and is replaced either by joy, for those whose loved ones walk from the rubble alive, sorrow, for those who have only dead bodies to take home, or desperation, for those who still don't know._

_The Hawthornes and a dozen other families stand in the cold winter air and wait and wait. It's almost dawn when the mine foreman steps onto a crate and announces with a sad, solemn voice that there are no signs of life left down there._

_Gale is only thirteen and he knows that his childhood is over._

* * *

People are panicking. Children are desperately screaming for their parents. The chaos is beyond anyone's control.

Nineteen-year-old Gale Hawthorne is standing on top of District Two's Justice Building and wonders how many childhoods he has ended tonight.

* * *

And then, just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, he watches Catnip getting shot.

* * *

They take Catnip back to Thirteen. She's alive, not even badly wounded, but they still think it's too dangerous out on the field for her. Maybe not only too dangerous, but also too much to take.

That afternoon, Gale knocks on Beetee's door.

"Have you already started building the prototype for our bomb?" he asks the elderly inventor.

Beetee shakes his head. "Of course I haven't. Wouldn't start without you, would I? Was your idea, after all."

Gale sits down on Beetee's bed and runs his hand through his hair, sighing. He feels incredibly old.

"Let's not do it," he whispers after a while.

The older man seems surprised.

"Please," Gale continues. "Let's not tell Coin about the weapon. Just throw the blueprints away and forget about that thing. Please, Beetee…"

Beetee nods, slowly. There is still confusion on his face and for a moment Gale remembers the tapes of Beetee's Games he has seen; how this brilliant man – still a boy back then – electrocuted those other kids without hesitation to ensure his own survival.

Gale knew that Beetee was a victor – but this is the first time he really realizes it. Suddenly it occurs to Gale that Beetee might think he is weak for giving up such a powerful weapon. But he is beyond caring. He just can't stand this vicious circle of killing any longer.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I was working towards this chapter for a very long time and I'm sooo excited to hear your opinions about it, so if you could take a few minutes to leave a quick comment I'd love you forever :)
> 
> Btw, the quote from Hazelle that Gale remembers can be found in Chapter 16.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

 

They won't allow Gale to see Catnip after the doctors removed her spleen. He doesn't really know what a spleen does, but Mrs Everdeen ensures him that it is not necessarily needed to survive - but that doesn't keep him from making a stand and demanding to be allowed into the room. It takes Prim's reassuring words to calm him down. If this young girl is able to keep a cool head in a situation like this, then Gale can certainly manage that, too.

But who is he kidding?  _Calm_ just isn't who Gale is, not when his best friend has just been shoot on live television. It's almost too easy to sneak into the hospital wing in the dead of night.

* * *

He expects Catnip to be asleep, kept under the peaceful cover of a dreamless sleep by heavy medication. What he  _doesn't_ expect is the small, skinny figure slumped on a chair next to Catnip's bed. If it wasn't for the multiple scars and barely healed cuts, Johanna Mason would almost look like the innocent girl she once pretended to be.

It's an odd effect sleep has on people - it makes them lose their carefully built facades, strips them inside out. Gale briefly wonders what he looks like when he sleeps... As young as Johanna and Katniss? As peaceful?

But then the moment of serenity passes as he notices the tube that leads from Catnip's morphling filled IV-bag straight to the needle stuck in the crook of Johanna's left arm.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" he hisses, struggling to keep his voice low, and shakes the woman awake.

Johanna's eyes jerk open. The next thing Gale knows is that he is pinned down on the floor with a panting Hunger Games victor on top of him and jagged, dirty fingernails attacking his face with panicked, adrenaline-fueled strength. Johanna has pinned him down in a matter of seconds, clawing, biting,  _fighting_ with everything she's got, tearing the IV-rack down with her.

If the banging of the metal on the tiles isn't enough to alert every single person on the entire level, Johanna's high pitched yelling certainly is.

"Get off me, you bastards!" She spits in Gale's face, desperately thrashing. "I won't tell you anything!"

 _Damn_ , Gale thinks as he shoves her off him and tries to get hold of her wrists,  _she's quick for someone who's just been hooked to a morphling drip..._

Johanna keeps screaming and fighting the nurses that start to pour into the room, until a doctor manages to inject her with what must be the strongest sedative available.

The only one not noticing anything is Catnip, still drifting in her drug induced gaze.

Gale is lead out of the hospital by a very stern looking head nurse. He doesn't even hear her lecture about curfews and patients needing their rest. All he can think about is the look of panic, of pure fear in Johanna's eyes when she was attacking him. He has seen the cuts and burns on her fragile body - of course he has, he was part of the team who got her out of the Capitol! But he believes he's got enough insight into human nature to say that it takes more than physical injuries to break a woman like Johanna Mason. What has Snow done to her?

* * *

A few days later Gale visits Catnip -  _officially_ this time.

Johanna's there again, awake and with a mischievious smirk on her face.

"Your cousin's not afraid of me," she states as she walks past, nudging Gale's leg with her hip in the process. "Are you, gorgeous?"

Some of the scratches Johanna's nails left on Gale's face and neck are still throbbing.

" _Terrified,"_ he mouths in Catnip's direction.

* * *

"You think I'm heartless," Gale whispers, barely able to stand the disappointed and resentful look on Catnip's face when she mentions his bombing of the Nut.

"I know you're not," she answers. "But I won't tell you it's okay."

 _No,_ he thinks. Of course it's not  _okay!_ Killing innocent people is never, under no circumstances simply  _okay!_ But sometimes it's just a necessity. Gale would've galdly died for a greater cause.

Why doesn't Katniss realize by now that sacrifices are inevitable sometimes? She - of all people - should know! Hasn't she killed innocent children in the Games for just the same reason?

No, Gale isn't heartless. If he was, then how could his poor heart ache so much?

* * *

"I'm soooo excited!" Posy squeals and throws herself at Gale as soon as he sets a foot into his family's compartment. Her chubby hands grab her brother's rough ones and she jumps happily up and down, reminding him of the rubber ball toy his father had brought him for his tenth birthday, back when life was still easy.

"What for, little flower?" he asks, scooping Posy up into his arms and giving her a peck on her flushed cheek.

In return, Posy gives him one of her unbelieving  _"Don't you know anything?"_ \- looks.

"The  _wedding_  of course, stupid!"

 _Wedding?_ It's like a jolt of electricity is running through Gale's whole body. No! That can't be possible! They can't stick to this act, not under the current circumstances. They just  _can't_ expect Catnip to marry Peeta in his hijacked condition...

" _Gale!"_  His mother's sharp voice rips him out of his thoughts and he realizes with shock that he just almost dropped his sister.

"Sorry, Posy," he mumbles and sets her down on her feet again. Then he runs a hand through his hair and tries to sound casual when he adresses his mother.

"Morning, Ma."

Hazelle allows her eldest son to pull her into a quick hug before she goes back to making the bunk beds.

"So... a wedding, huh?" Gale chokes out after a few seconds of silence.

"Yes," Hazelle answers without looking at him, focoused entirely on her task. "Finnick Odair is going to marry his girl from Four. They officially announced it just about an hour ago."

"There will be a celebration with food and music!" Posy adds excitedly.

Gale's heart slowly begins to fall back into a steady rythm. Finnick and Annie. Not Peeta and Katniss. He manages to force is lips into a small smile.

"That's surely going to be great."

* * *

It's a wonderful ceremony. Annie looks beautiful in one of Katniss' old Victory Tour dresses. It's almost impossible to believe that this is the same woman Boggs and Gale carried out of a Capitol prison cell only a few weeks ago. She is beaming with happiness and that makes her prettier than the most expensive jewelery ever could.

Finnick looks fantastic. As always. Except today his wide smile seems genuine, not just a mask for the audience.

Plutarch somehow convinced President Coin to allow a real wedding celebration, instead of simply signing a contract and being assigned a new compartement.

When someone suddenly produces a fiddle and starts to play the music for a traditional District Twelve dance, it almost feels like Gale is back home again.

When Greasy Sae grabs his hands and pulls him onto the dancefloor, laughing and spinning, losing himself in the music along with the others, he is almost able to forget that they are in a giant underground bunker in the middle of a war.

When he takes turns dancing with Posy and Prim, his mood darkens again as he begins to realize that this - this cheerful, easy joy - is what the Capitol has robbed him of.

Just a little less than two years ago, Gale was dreaming of a wedding very similar to this for himself and Catnip. Not even as big, just their families and a few friends from the Seam, a simple toasting and a feast consisting of freshly shoot meat. And afterwards, dancing, laughing and maybe a bottle of Ripper's white liquor...

And then, when all was over and the guests had gone home, his lips on Catnip's, his hands caressing her soft skin...

"You look like you're about to start drooling, gorgeous," a snarky voice comments.

Gale looks up into the face of Johanna Mason. She is wearing a dress that's obiviously been made for a bustier woman than she is. It's far too big, hangs far too loosely and therefore shows far more skin than would be appropriate. Johanna obviously doesn't care for her appearence - the slowly growing strands of hair on her previously shaved head that look like they haven't ever seen a shower are evidence enough for that.

"Certainly not over you," he mumbles back.

Johanna gives him a big, fake pout. "Aw, now you are really breaking my heart." With that she drops in the chair next to him.

For a while, they just sit there in silence, watching the other guests. Finnick and Annie have only eyes for each other; him clutching her hand as if he wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon.

Posy has somehow bullied Rory into dancing with her and he looks slightly uncomfortable with that situation - probably concerned that he will crush her bones if he accidentally steps on her feet.

Gale's miner friend Thom is in the corner of the hall, sloppily kissing Levee, a Seam girl Gale recognizes from school.

Katniss dances with Prim, looking happier than Gale has seen her in a while. She hasn't talked to him the whole evening.

"God, it's disgusting," Johanna bursts out after a while.

Gale looks at her and raises an eyebrow quizzically.

"All of them," she explains, gesturing vaguely into the direction of the crowd. "Them pulling this _happy-mappy lovey-dovey everything's fine_ -show for Plutarch's propo." She snorts.

"I don't think it's a show," Gale answers thoughtfully. "I think they really enjoy themselves. They haven't had something to celebrate in quite some time. It's keeping them sane, I suppose." He shrugs.

Johanna snorts again. "Well, that explains why I'm not able to enjoy this, since _my_  sanity is long gone.  _I_ need something stronger to lose myself into," she adds with a wicked grin and magically pulls out a bottle from under the table. It contains a white liquid that looks suspiciously like the homemade stuff Ripper used to sell at the Hob. Alcohol is stricly banned in District 13, but somehow Gale isn't surprised that Johanna still managed to get her hands on some.

She carefully looks over both of her shoulders, checking if someone is watching her, before she takes a few good sips.

"I hate weddings," she claims after wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Me too," Gale says. Right now, he hates everything that reminds him of what Catnip and him could've had and now probably won't ever have.

Johanna studies his face for a moment. Then she leans towards him, placing her hands on his thighs, and whispers: "Then why not get out of here, gorgeous?"

She stands up and offers him an outstreched hand. Gale quickly reminds himself that this woman is crazy, unstable and probably dangerous. He takes her hand anyway.

* * *

The corridors of District 13 are like a maze. Everything is grey and plastic. They turn the lights out at midnight - two hours later than usual, thanks to the wedding. From then on, it's all stumbling and feeling their ways rather than seeing. By the time his eyes have adjusted to the darkness, Gale has already lost all sense of direction.

He simply runs on and on, through hallway after hallway, his hand firmly clasping Johanna's, never letting go. Every now and then she stops, pressing the liquor bottle into his free hand. Gale gladly takes a few sips. His chest is burning from the running as well as from the alcohol.

Somehow, after what seems like hours, they end up in a supplies closet, of all places. It's narrow and even darker in here and Johanna's frail body is pressed tightly against Gale's. He can feel her hot breath on his neck. She smells of alcohol and sweat. Gale's numbed brain realizes that Johanna hasn't taken a bath in a while, but he doesn't care because her smell is so damn  _human_ , just like Catnip smelled after a long hunting trip in the woods, before the Capitol turned her into a perfumed and powdered doll.

And before Gale can do anything to prevent it, Johanna's lips are on his. The liquor bottle slips out of his hand and shatters on the floor. Gale is unable to feel anything but the heat, unable to hear anything but the beating of his heart, echoing in his own ears like drums. No, Gale Hawthorne is not heartless, and Johanna Mason just reminded him of that.

When they finally break apart, panting and with swollen lips, Gale simply stares into Johanna's big brown eyes.

"I love Katniss," he chokes out.

"Yeah, and I love Finnick," she responds. "We can start a club -  _Club of the Second Bests_." A girlsh giggle that doesn't fit her personality at all escapes her lips. "Come on, gorgeous. That's life. You can't always get what you want, you just have to work with what you have. And right now, I'm pretty satisfied with what I have." She gives his butt a hard smack.

It's tempting. Doing just what all those people on the wedding did. Lose himself in Johanna Mason's drunken kisses and forget Katniss and the rebellion and all his worries for just one night...

But in the end, Gale goes to bed without Johanna. He's afraid - not of her, but of his own cowardice, afraid that it won't just be for  _one night._  If he gives in to the desire, he might not be able to stop. He's scared that he'll use alcohol and quick affection as escape from reality again and again, that he'll forget what he fought for in the first place and eventually ends up like Haymitch or one of those morphling addicts from District 6.

Gale hasn't reached that point. He hasn't given up yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you guys are awesome!
> 
> Oh well, the Johale pairing... I know it's not the most popular ship out there but I just love those two hot-headed idiots so much together, I can't help it.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who actually liked the interaction with Johanna last chapter; there might be a little something for you in this one! For those of you who didn't like it; I'm sorry (not really).

**Chapter 30**

 

Catnip is fuming, fire in her eyes. She's mad that they won't allow her to attend the final battle for the Capitol; saying she's too frail, too vulnerable. What nobody dares to say but everyone secretly thinks is that she's too unreliable.

Out there, they need soldiers, not free spirits. And for the first time ever, Coin, Haymitch and Plutarch all agree on something: The Mockingjay is to be kept safely in her grey plastic cage.

Gale, of course, is immediately assigned to a unit. He's going, no question. He's proven his worth to Boggs during the rescue mission and to Coin because of his plan to take the Nut. Just how ruthless he had to be to reach this point in his military  _career_ …

 _You're going to overthrow the Capitol_ , he reminds himself every day, during the long hours of cross country runs and weapons training.  _This is what you always wanted. In the end, the result will be worth all the sacrifices._

* * *

He knows he shouldn't be surprised when Catnip shows up to training the next day, accompanied by Johanna Mason. Of course she would get them to let her join the mission, after all. Katniss Everdeen might not have Peeta's talent with words, but this stubborn, grim girl has her very own ways to wrap people around her little finger.

* * *

"So, are you two officially a couple now?" Gale almost chokes on his turnips when Peeta asks that question, making a motion with his spoon to connect Gale and Catnip. It's the first time he's allowed to eat out with the others – does he really think this is a good conversation starter?

"Or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?" Peeta continues, masterfully managing to ignore the shocked expression on Gale's face and the sour one on Catnip's.

"Still dragging," answers Johanna, who seems to be wickedly amused by the whole scene.

Gale clenches his fists in anger.  _She came here with me… If it wasn't for the baby… the star-crossed lover thing…_ How come every time this kid opens his mouth in public he manages to ruin Gale's day?

But, the worst part is… the last few times he said what he said to protect Katniss. This time, he simply did it to hurt her. Quiet, gentle Peeta Mellark hurting someone on purpose… well, that's certainly and odd thought.

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself," Gale presses out between clenched teeth.

"What's that?" Peeta asks, his blue eyes looking like icy ponds rather than the sky for once.

"You," Gale answers.

"You'll have to be a bit more specific. What about me?"

"That they've replaced you with the evil mutt version of yourself," Johanna offers, still enjoying herself far more than would be appropriate.

Gale has trouble to keep himself from smashing his tray on Peeta's head.

"You done?" he asks Catnip.

She nods and they stalk out of the hall together, desperately eager to escape Peeta's hateful glare.

* * *

The schedule on his arm lists it as Simulated Street Combat, but the soldiers simply refer to it as the  _Block._

It's basically a rigged, trapped area in the middle of 13, built to resemble a Capitol street. Everyone who wants to be sent to the Capitol has to undergo a simulated combat situation in there – it's the final test and Gale is certain he'll pass it.

And it's pretty easy, actually, easier than a hunting trip back home. While hunting, he had to constantly stay alert, to think quickly and always be a mental step ahead of his prey. Now, he just has to shut off his brain and obey the orders coming from the speaker in his ear. Yes, this is really a walk in the park.

Except it isn't.

 _The simulation is programmed to trigger each person's individual weakness,_ Boggs told him during their last training session. Since then Gale has been wondering what his weakness might be. His friends and family in danger maybe – he just wouldn't be able to resist helping them, even if it terminated the whole mission. Or perhaps the suffocating darkness of a mine shaft – Gale has always been slightly claustrophobic, even more since his father died, and he isn't sure he could win a fight down there.

But then he hears several ear shattering explosions, he feels the heat licking his skin and he knows what his final weakness is: Firebombs.

In a fraction of a second, Gale is shell shocked. There are images flashing through his mind: District Twelve, burning. The unbearable heat and the smell of burned flesh. District Eight, fire raining from the sky. The dying screams of the people in the hospital. District Thirteen, the deep craters the bombs left in the ground, the charred soil shattered with rose petals…

 _It's not real_ , Gale reminds himself over and over again.  _NOT REAL!_ They weren't going to kill him. There was someone sitting in the next room behind a control board, watching him, ready to turn the flames off in case the situation would become too dangerous for Gale.

But still, there is smoke,  _real_ smoke, burning in his eyes and his lungs. He can't breathe, can't move, can't hold back the flashbacks. Gale is drowning in panic.

"Soldier Hawthorne," a mechanic voice in his ear addresses him. For a moment, he is confused, until he remembers the speaker.

"Yes, sir?" he responds.

"You are only about twenty metres away from the designated rendezvous point. Are you able to complete your mission?"

Gale forces his eyes to stay open. He can see the meeting point he's supposed to reach – right over there, behind a three metre high wall of flames.

_Not real…_

He can't allow his fear to get the best of him, not now, when he's so close to reaching his goal. Gale swallows hard and answers: "Yes, sir. I'm going to complete my mission."

A second later, he swallows hard, closes his eyes and jumps right through the fire, head forward. He tries to lessen the impact of his fall by rolling over his shoulder – and immediately feels a searing jolt of pain. There is warm blood soaking his uniform and Gale realizes that the not fully healed wound just beneath his right shoulder blade, where the metal shrapnel buried itself during the rescue mission in the Capitol, has opened up again.

He curses under his breath, pulls himself up, ignoring the pain, and starts running at full speed towards the entrance of a nearby alley. His shoulder hurts like hell when he presses his back against the concrete wall, catching his breath.

He's made it.

* * *

About forty minutes later, Gale sits on a bed in the hospital wing, shirtless, waiting to be stitched up once again.

There's been some incident with a wrong dose of sleeping gas at the Block which sent a dozen soldiers to hospital at once and a minor injury like Gale's is treated secondarily right now.

He sighs. Sitting around waiting drives him crazy, so he gets off the bed and starts wandering around the hospital.

"Well, that's a nice view, for a change," a weak, female voice mumbles.

Gale turns around to see Johanna Mason lying in a bed, half asleep and obviously fighting a heavy sedative. He follows her glassy gaze and realizes her eyes are fixed on his naked chest. A slight blush creeps up his cheeks.

"What are you doing here?" he asks with furrowed brows. Johanna looks even more frail than usual.

"Same as you, s'pose…" she mumbles. "Damaged by the Block." There's a weak attempt at a grin which fails miserably. "Speaking of which, what did they do to you?"

"Fire," Gale mutters, not really eager to talk about it. He flops down on Johanna's bed. "You?"

"Water," she answers and this time she almost manages a smile.

"Water?" Gale questions unbelievingly, turning to face her. "What's so bad about  _water_?"

Johanna's eyes become small slits and she looks like the vicious victor she is again, despite her troubles to fight the morphling and stay awake. She props herself up on her elbows with quite a few difficulties.

"What's so bad about water?" she hisses. "Hmm, I guess nothing, unless it's been used to torture you every single day for weeks!" The sentence started in a sarcastic tone, but by the end of it she's yelling. Gale already expects a doctor to burst in and sedate Johanna again, but no one appears.

"W-what?" he asks, shocked by what she said.

"Yeah, gorgeous, they didn't tell you about that, did they?" she retorts, sinking back into the pillows again. "They soaked me and then used electric shocks," she tells him, never breaking eye contact while saying the words.

Hatred. There is unbelievable hatred towards Snow and his torturers burning up inside Gale. Of course he has experienced firsthand what they had done to Peeta, he had seen the condition Annie was in when they rescued her from her cell, but this simply is a completely new level of cruelty.

He reaches out for Johanna's hand, but stops himself halfway. She doesn't seem like a person who appreciates pity.

So he simply says: "Those bastards."

Johanna nods. "Apparently you know what you are talking about, don't you, gorgeous?"

Gale tenses up when he feels her bony, cold finger slowly tracing one of the lash marks on his back. He had almost forgotten that he's still shirtless, waiting to get stitches. The touch sends shivers down his spine and for the second time today, he nearly drowns in a flashback. The cool winter air on his bare back… The raw rope binding his wrists… The whistling sound the whip made just a fraction of a second before it violently tore Gale's skin apart…

"What was that for?" Johanna asks, sounding genuinely curious.

"Trying to feed my family," Gale answers, face unmoving.

For a minute, they are silent, each stuck in the dark fog of their memories. Johanna's finger never stops stroking Gale's back, but he doesn't keep her from doing it and after a while, it starts to feel good. Comforting.

"Are you still going to the Capitol?" Johanna's hoarse voice eventually breaks the silence.

Gale nods, looking at the stamped number 451 on the back of his hand – the number of the unit he's been assigned to.

"Then promise me something, Gale." The sedative is almost overpowering her now. "Promise me, you'll make Snow and all his minions pay for it. Make them pay for this." She roughly drags her fingernail along one of Gale's scars. "And make them pay for this…" She takes his hand and places it on one of her own scars, just below her collarbone.

Gale swallows hard. "I will," he says after a few seconds. "I promise."

"Yeah, I know y'will…" Johanna whispers.

She drifts to sleep with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Just a little quick info, there are still 5 chapters of this fic left (4 regular ones and an epilog) and I plan to get those all up before I go back to uni in the last week of september.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

 

"I don't want you to go to the Capitol!" Posy doesn't cry, she just stares at Gale pleadingly, her short arms gripping his leg desperately. Gale wouldn't be surprised if she just kept clinging to him and refused to ever let go.

He gently pried her grip open and picked her up. "Don't worry, Posy. I'll be back before you know it – and then we are going to go back home, and rebuild our old house; only bigger and prettier."

There's a sparkle in Posy's grey eyes – just like most five-year-old girls, her fondness of pretty things can make her forget almost every worry. Gale can't help but smile at her childish innocence.

"Will I also get pretty dresses?" she asks, enamoured.

"Sure," Gale answers. "I'll get a good job and buy you every dress you want. And we'll have a really big dinner every day! "

His little sister looks at him as if his words were gold, believing in him without a doubt.

"Can we invite Katniss and Prim to dinner?"

Gale swallows. "Of course we can. Katniss and Prim and Mrs Everdeen, if she wants to come. And we'll eat and laugh and everything's going to be the way it's supposed to be – finally…"

"That's the way it's gonna be?" Posy probes. "You promise?"

"That's the way it's gonna be," he answers. "I promise."

* * *

Gale couldn't say he's pleased to be assigned to the  _Star Squad_ – he'd much rather be in actual combat than being filmed shooting at pointless targets and looking good in the process – but it's better than staying back in Thirteen. At least he's back at Catnip's side again, the two of them watching each other's backs.

She has her Mockingjay bow and Gale carries the high-tech one Beetee fashioned for him. Boggs – whom Gale has come to like during the weeks of training – is their squad leader. It's not too bad of a situation.

Just as Gale begins to get accustomed to it, Peeta shows up.

* * *

"They sent him here to kill her!" Gale yells angrily.

Finnick is standing by his side with a concerned look on his face, nodding.

"Coin realized she can't control Katniss, so she sent Peeta here to get rid of her!"

"You can't prove that," retorts Boggs, continuing to clean his weapons with so much serenity it almost makes Gale want to punch him.

"I don't need proof. You know he's had quite a murderous temper lately."

Boggs sighs. "Yes, Soldier Hawthorne, I know that," he says, his voice not allowing any backtalk. "I've already called the President about the matter and demanded an explanation and believe me – there is nothing we can to but to keep Peeta under guard and hope for the best."

So that's what they do. Gale doesn't mind keeping an extra eye on Katniss. It's what he has done for the past five years. And later that evening, when Catnip and him are standing in line for dinner, he asks her a question that feels dangerously, sickeningly natural: "Do you want me to kill him?"

He'd do it. Without hesitation. All it'd take is just one word from Catnip. He'd do everything for her.

* * *

It's Jackson – Boggs second-in-command – who comes up with the  _Real-or-not-real-Game_. She thinks that maybe it'll help Peeta to sort out his muddled, trackerjacker venom-tainted memory.

"There were two Avoxes in prison with me, Darius and Lavinia, although the guards mostly called them the redheads. They had been our servants in the Training Centre, so they arrested them, too," Peeta mumbles one evening, his eyes gazing into the flames of the campfire. "She was lucky. They used too high voltage and her heart stopped right away. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts…" The fire draws dark shadows on Peeta's face as he looks up at Boggs and asks: "Real or not real?"

"Real…" whispers Boggs. "At least to the best of my knowledge… real."

Peeta shudders. There is an uncomfortable silence in the camp, because what is there to say?  _They are in a better place now? It'll be alright again, Peeta?_ Sometimes there are simply no words of comfort.

Gale pulls Catnip closer and she buries her face in his chest. He clenches his fists in anger.

 _Lavinia…_ the redheaded girl he watched being abducted by the hovercraft so many years ago in the woods. Until today, he didn't even know her name. Now he can finally add it to the seemingly endless list of dead or suffering people he will eventually make Snow pay for.

His father and all the other miners that died down in these hellholes the Capitol forced them to work in. Funny, cheeky Thom with his lung illness, who went down there every day, despite knowing perfectly well that this work would finally be the death of him. All those innocent kids who died during the seventy-four years of Hunger Games – their sheer number puts tears into Gale's eyes. Madge, who was far too young and far too good to die such a horrible death. Haymitch, Peeta, Johanna, Finnick, Annie and Katniss, the best examples that even the ones who survive never fully heal.

And now, Lavinia and Darius. Darius, the kind, fun guy who was tortured in the most horrible ways for doing nothing more than trying to keep Gale alive…

In this very moment, Gale feels like there aren't enough mountains to crush, not enough cities to destroy.

* * *

They are keeping up their act. Blowing a few pods up here and there and sending film material back to Thirteen to satisfy Plutarch's constant hunger for new propos.

It seems almost too easy – until Boggs takes a wrong step onto an orange pavestone and triggers a bomb that rips off his legs.

Gale has only known the other man for a few months, but during this time, he has come to respect and to like him. When Boggs dies in a deserted apartment a few hours later, Gale feels like he's losing his father all over again.

* * *

The rest of the Star Squad is pronounced dead later that evening. The rebels make no attempt to break into the Captiol's emergency broadcast, which leads Gale to the conclusion that they think it's true. It's probably a good thing. This way, no one will pursue them anymore.

Gale thinks of his mother and siblings back in Thirteen and swallows hard. Posy is probably crying her eyes out over losing her oldest brother. He promised her he'd come back, after all, and breaking promises you've given to young children is the fastest way to destroy their faith in humanity.

* * *

"So, now that we're dead, what's our next move?" asks Gale.

"Isn't that obvious?" Peeta painfully pushes himself up and stares Gale right in the eye, making it more than clear that is words are intended for the hunter. "Our next move is to kill me."

Of course they protest. Everyone protests – except Gale and Katniss. But Peeta is determined not to change his mind.

"Maybe you think it's kinder to just dump me somewhere," he says. "Let me take my chances. But that's the same thing as handing me over to the Capitol. Do you think you'd be doing me a favour by sending me back to the Capitol?" His voice is desperate now.

And then, somewhere hidden in a fancy apartment complex in the Capitol, tainted with blood and grime and the recent loss of their allies, Gale Hawthorne makes a promise to Peeta Mellark.

"Don't worry. I'll kill you before that happens."

* * *

They decide to go underground. The sewers beneath the city are the best option – the only option, actually – for them to move on, but Gale still dreads them. He hates being below the surface. It makes him feel terribly claustrophobic, reminds him of the mines, of the grey tunnels of District 13, of places he hates and fears and wants to avoid at all costs. Too bad he doesn't really have a choice in this matter.

He is soon to learn that  _these_ tunnels are far worse than the mine shafts ever could be.

The terror comes in the distorted form of white lizard mutts, their lipless mouths hissing one word over and over again, sending shiver after shiver down Gale's spine, and turning this endless, dark maze into the stage of his personal, rose-scented nightmare.

_Katnissss…_

The next thing Gale knows is that they are running for their lives. Again.

* * *

They lose one soldier after the other. Yet again, Gale is helpless, and it makes him feek sicker than ever.

* * *

Pollux. Cressida. Peeta. Catnip. And Gale. Those are the ones who make it up the ladder out of those damn sewers. Catnip wants to go back for the others – of course she does; it's just the way she is – but Gale grabs her arm.

He gazes down into the darkness, but all he sees is Finnick, being pulled down by three of the lizard mutts. His eyes meet the victor's for a split second, and he knows what Finnick what's him to do.

And once again, Gale is the one who has to speak the ugly truth because no one else dares to.

"They are not coming, Katniss. Only the mutts are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was me trying to squeeze the essence of about 50 pages into one chapter. It was quite hard because there are a lot of things happening, but no real key scenes, only semi-important plot points.
> 
> Secondly, I was not really sure how Gale would react to the deaths of the others, especially Boggs' and Finnick's… the book doesn't really make it clear how close he was with them. He also has a tendency to snap into "soldier mode" when he is under pressure. For those reasons I thought Gale would probably not be nearly as emotionally affected as Katniss was (at least not immediately) but I could be totally wrong.
> 
> Um, yeah, so this is all pretty confusing and pretty choppy and I have no idea if I did a good job. Feedback will be greatly appreciated (as always!). Thank you for reading :)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! This chapter's a bit shorter than usual, but I didn't want to jam two important plot points into one chapter. Hope you'll still enjoy it!

**Chapter 32**

 

 _So the Capitol is not only merciless on the Districts, but sometimes also on its own citizens,_ Gale thinks as he can't help but stare at Tigris' sad, blemished face.

This woman is the living proof that life in the Capitol isn't always shiny and colourful and perfect. Or rather the  _existing_  proof, because you can't really call owning an underwear shop in a dark back alley  _life_. Tigris has willingly played along the Capitol's rules, has painted and shaped herself and twisted her whole being until it was barely recognizable. She has allowed them to make her a piece in their games and she was defeated. In the end, she simply wasn't good enough.

Snow and his henchmen have made Tigris an enemy among their own lines.

Gale should probably thank them, because right now, this weird, broken woman with her cellar full of fur underwear is his last hope.

* * *

Gale is exhausted, more than he has ever been in his life. The sloppily stitched wound on his neck throbs painfully. He knows his body needs the rest, but his mind won't allow him to fall asleep. How could he sleep when he can't be sure that he'll wake up again to see the next morning?

When you're half expecting to be discovered and executed any minute, every conscious moment is precious.

Once again, Gale is helplessly trapped underground.

His gaze wanders over to Catnip, who is fast asleep. Tired, bruised, bloody, but alive. Alive and somehow more beautiful than ever. Gale feels the desperate, irrational need to check on her every few minutes to make sure she is still breathing.

"Why don't you just lie down next to her?" A cold voice interrupts his thoughts. Peeta. He's insisted on being chained to a pipe all night. No wonder he's unable to fall asleep, too. "Now that we're all as good as dead anyway, she might just be desperate enough to allow you to touch her."

Gale feels hot blood rise to his cheeks.  _How dare you, baker boy?_

He'd never do what Peeta is implying. Never.  _It's not Peeta's fault,_ he reminds himself.  _He's not thinking straight._

"You look like you  _are_ already dead," Gale retorts, his eyes forming tiny slits as he focuses on Peeta's face, shining like a pale moon in the dark.

"Well, I feel pretty close,"Peeta answers, attempting on sounding casual and failing miserably.

"Would you like some water?"

"Water would be nice."

Gale gets up from his makeshift bed and puts a bottle to the other boy's cracked lips. Peeta manages to gulp down a few sips.

"Thanks."

"No problem," Gale answers. "I wake up ten times a night anyway."

"To make sure Katniss is still here?" This time, there is no maliciousness in Peeta's voice, only genuine curiosity.

Gale turns around and watches Katniss again. He thinks of the little girl he met in the woods years ago, of the strong hunter she developed into, of the killer she was forced to become. Of the Mockingjay, the shining beacon of hope for a whole nation. He wonders how they ever ended up in this dark cellar.

And he thinks about how different this life turned out from how he imagined it to be as a kid. When exactly in that chain of unfortunate events did he lose her?

"Something like that," he admits.

"That was funny, what Tigris said," Peeta continues after a few moments of silence. "About no one knowing what to do with her."

"Well,  _we_ never have."

And then, Gale and Peeta start to laugh. It's hilarious. Those two boys, as opposite as they could be, yet connected to each other by their love for the same girl, sit in that dark, cold cellar in the Capitol, knowing they probably won't survive the night, and they  _laugh._

 _Maybe that's the beginning of insanity,_ Gale thinks.  _If so, then it doesn't feel too bad._

"She loves you, you know," says Peeta. "She as good as told me after they whipped you."

Gale's heart jumps at those words, because he desperately wants,  _needs_  to believe them. But Gale Hawthorne is not naïve. There is no place for naïvety in his world. Maybe there's no place for love, either…

"Don't believe it," he answers. "The way she kissed you in the Quarter Quell… she never kissed me like that."

He remembers that night like yesterday; Peeta and Katniss on that beach, the commentators nearly going crazy about the young lovers' passion… and Gale sitting on the Everdeens' couch along with Mrs Everdeen, Prim and Rory, digging his fingers in the cushions and hoping nobody noticed the single tear rolling down his stony face.

"It was just part of the show," Peeta says with an edge of doubt in his voice.

And Gale almost has to laugh again because he knows Catnip is a terrible actress. He knows her and he knows that there is no way she could've pulled off a show like that. The shy, forced kisses in the cave during the first Games – maybe. The passionate, caring one on the beach? Never.

He knew he'd been defeated back then – now it's finally time to admit it.

"No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her." He thinks back to the time when Katniss asked him to run away with her and he refused because he simply  _had_ to stay and take a chance at rebellion, a chance and making a difference. She never understood why he choose this opportunity over her.

"Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her."

There is a long pause.

"Well, it won't be an issue much longer," Gale whispers, more to himself than to Peeta. "I think it's unlikely all three of us will be alive at the end of the war. And if we are, I guess it's Katniss' problem. Who to choose." He yawns, the exhaustion of the last days finally overwhelming him. "We should get some sleep."

"Yeah," Peeta agrees. "I wonder how she'll make up her mind…"

"Oh, that I know," Gale replies sleepily. His mind drifts back in time, to when he suspected Katniss was seeking his companionship because she needed him as a hunting partner to feed her family rather than because she valued him as a friend.

And then, during the Games, when Peeta became suddenly essential for her survival, she turned to him without hesitation, leaving Gale heartbroken.

Maybe it's some special instinct for survival that Katniss Everdeen possesses. Making people care for her. Making them value her life more than their own. And not caring what she does to them in the process.

Cold. Manipulating. Not just a natural survivor, but a natural  _victor._

"Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without."

* * *

"I'm leaving in the morning," Katniss tells him in private.

"I'm going with you," Gale answers, because no matter how heartbroken, hurt and disillusioned he is by now – a small part of him still can't let the girl from the woods go.

* * *

Peeta insists on coming along, although he has to know that this might very well be the dead of him.

"I'll just have to take my chances. Like the rest of you."

Gale and Peeta exchange a long look. There is something in the younger boy's blue eyes that makes Gale shiver. Sweet, innocent Peeta, who never wanted to become a piece in their Games and ended up being just that; one of Snows tools… he deserves to have control over his own life, Gale decides. Even when it's just about when to end it.

Slowly he takes out his own nightlock tablet and places it on Peeta's palm.

"What about you?" Peeta asks.

"Don't worry. Beetee showed me how to detonate my arrows manually. If that fails, I have my knife. And I'll have Katniss."

He isn't sure if he'd really be brave enough to kill himself, but he knows Katniss will. He might slowly be losing his faith in the Mockingjay, but this is the one thing he still trusts her to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... did that come across as a bit anti-Katniss? I actually like her character, I just wanted to show the shift in Gale's attitude (that I might just have imagined to be there...). He's slowly starting to doubt Katniss, although he stays loyal until the bitter end. Meanwhile he begins to feel more and more sympathetic towards Peeta.
> 
> Umm yeah, it's probably pretty bad writing if I have to explain it, so I'll stop now. Thanks for reading!


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter (not counting the epilogue)! Yay!

**Chapter 33**

 

The streets of the Capitol are full of frightened people.

A little girl in a yellow coat catches Gale's attention. She must be about Posy's age. The scared look on her face makes him want to vomit.

The Capitol citizens might be dressed up in the most ridiculous fashions, they may be dyed, tattooed and caked with make-up, but their fear is just as human as the District folks'. When the rebels start shooting from the rooftops, trying to take out the Peacekeepers but missing far too often, their blood is just as red.

"We've got to get to Snow," Catnip says firmly through gritted teeth.

Gale nods and looks everywhere but at the little girl in the yellow coat over whose limp, dead body he's stepping.

* * *

They are running for their lives. Gale has lost all sense of orientation. His whole world is screaming, bleeding, dying. He shoots reflexively; at everything that comes too close to him, not even making the distinction between Peacekeeper, Capitol citizen and rebel soldier anymore.

His brain is overwhelmed, his animalistic instincts have taken over. All that matters is staying alive, moving on, getting this job done.

They lost Cressida and Pollux a long time ago. Peeta is nowhere to be seen.

 _So this story ends just how it began_ , Gale thinks. Just him and Catnip, just the two of them, having each other's backs until the bitter end.

* * *

"Run!" screams Catnip, but it's already too late. The activated pod makes two sides of the street fold down like flaps, slowly but inevitably emptying the people down into whatever lies in that dark abyss.

Gale tries to escape; he really does. But he just can't. He's tired, exhausted, his lungs scream for breath and his muscles ache from running all day. He's a good sprinter, but under those circumstances, it's just not enough.

In the end, it's not his skill or his training but simply the fact that he is taller than average that saves him.

When the ground beneath his feet turns more and more downwards into an angle that might become impossible to climb any second, Gale jumps. He wouldn't have made it if he was only an inch shorter. But luckily Gale has inherited his father's statue and while the people to his left and his right lose their balance and fall helplessly screaming to their deaths, his outstretched hands manage to get hold of a decorative railing next to an apartment door. He clings to it for dear life.

Gale hears Catnip screaming his name, just a second before he spots her.  _She's alive!_

When she shoots the apartment door open, he pulls himself up and swings inside. His heart is beating painfully in his chest.

Just when he is about to catch his breath, several pairs of white-gloved hands grab him.

* * *

He's fighting the Peacekeepers with all he's got, hoping that they might just shoot him to stop his struggles. If they realize who they've captured they won't grant him the mercy of a quick dead, that's for sure. They'll torture him to get information out of him, or maybe just to get back at Catnip; they'll use him against her. Snow will make him suffer, make him pay for what his  _cousin_ and the rebels did; and the whole nation will get to enjoy the show.

It's just now that Gale realizes that him and Peeta aren't really that different at heart. Just like the baker, Gale would rather die on his own terms than become a piece in Snow's games.

So when his eyes meet Catnip's he doesn't hesitate one second and mouths: "Shoot me."

But she doesn't. She just stares at him, terrified but motionless. She doesn't understand.

Gale cries out in frustration. Catnip has always been there for him – but now that he really needs her, she isn't. She won't, she can't fulfil his last wish, can't grant him the most important thing he's ever had to ask of her, despite her earlier promise to do so, should the moment of truth come.

As the Peacekeepers drag him into the building, Gale watches Katniss turn her back on him and run away, and he wonders when exactly they have lost the ability to understand each other without words.

* * *

They hurt him. Five grown, armed soldiers, taking perverse pleasure out of hurting an injured, exhausted young man who is lying on the floor, kicking his ribs, slamming their fists into his face again and again, spitting at him and hissing obscene insults into his ears until he is close to begging for the relieving bullet.

When one of them slams Gale's head against the floor a little too hard, he welcomes the darkness that pulls him underneath the surface of his consciousness like an old friend.

* * *

Gale doesn't really hear the first explosion as much as he feels it. This is what an earthquake must be like, with plaster crumbling from the walls, windows shattering and the whole building vibrating.

He can hear the voices of his assaulters, numb, as if coming from a distance, although he can see them standing at the window when he manages to open his eyes and focus his blurry vision. They are mumbling something about parachutes, about children and about the President's Mansion. About where Katniss was heading to.

_An explosion… parachutes… no…_

It can be. Gale's head hurts; he can't think straight, but this is simply impossible!

Beetee's face flashes through Gale's mind, laughing as he told the younger man:  _"This weapon might just win us the war!"_

This very moment, a second explosion sounds through the Capitol and suddenly the building and the surrounding streets are full of rebel soldiers. Gale closes his eyes as his captors are riddled with bullets.

_Seems like you were right once again, Beetee…_

* * *

When Gale wakes up in a hospital bed, the war is already won. He's slept during the victory he fought so hard for. Snow is a prisoner; the remaining Peacekeeper forces are either on the run or surrendered already.

He is relieved when the doctors inform him that Katniss made it; she's injured but alive; just a few rooms down the hall.

They've reached their goal. Finally. This could easily be a happy ending, couldn't it? But of course it isn't. No one ever walks out of a war unharmed.

* * *

It's Commander Paylor from District 8 who breaks the devastating news to him. She's probably the last person he'd expected to visit his sickbed – especially since she'd given the impression not to be very fond of Gale the last time she met him. Hearing what he did to the Nut probably didn't help.

Her voice is scarily calm and ice cold when she tells him: "Your bomb has killed at least 47 children under the age of twelve and a yet unaccounted number of first aid forces and innocent bystanders who tried to help,  _including the Mockingjay's little sister_. I hope you're happy now,  _soldier_."

Gale barely makes it out of the bed before his stomach turns and he vomits on the floor.

* * *

He doesn't know who actually ordered the use of the bomb when Gale himself asked Beetee to scrap the blueprints.

He doesn't know why Prim was out there in the first place when she was actually too young to be considered a solider.

It doesn't matter.

For the first time in his life, Gale hates himself more than he hates the world.

* * *

The room is dark; so dark Gale can barely make out his face in the mirror. Even if it was bright daylight, he probably wouldn't even recognize himself. Back in District 12, a lot of people used to call Gale _handsome –_ now he is everything but that. Pale. Exhausted. Scarred. Broken…

As always in his darkest moments, Gale's family comes to his mind. Somehow he is almost glad his father died that long ago. At least he didn't have to watch his little boy lose all his innocence.

Unable to bear looking at the strange man in the mirror any longer, Gale turns around and grabs a bottle of liquor. Mixing alcohol with morphling is probably a really bad idea, but he is beyond caring. The war is won. The Games are over, the nation will be rebuilt. Gale has served his purpose. The fight is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again - thanks for reading! And I'd especially like to thank the people who left comments because I'm such a huge sucker for feedback and I always start grinning like an idiot whenever I see the little number indicating the comments go up. You guys are amazing!


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

 

"You know, if you're determined to kill yourself a bullet would be much quicker and easier than trying to overdose on pain medication and cheap liquor."

Johanna Mason's voice is pulling Gale out of his warm, numbing haze. He doesn't ask her what she's doing in his hospital room - or in the Capitol, for that matter.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," he mumbles into his pillow, avoiding her gaze at all costs. "Would be a waste, after struggling to stay alive for all that time, wouldn't it?"

"Of course," she says and casually slumps down next to Gale as if the bed was hers. "You know, that's exactly what I told my mentor after I was crowned victor. That was before I learned that the true nightmare often begins after the fight." Johanna tilts her head sideways and eyes him with a strange expression. "You'll have to be very brave in those weeks to come. Very strong. And I trust you – no, I _expect_ you not to take the easy way out, do you understand me, Hawthorne?"

Gale doesn't answer. Johanna's fiery stare has taken his breath away.

* * *

They brought his family to the Capitol to see him. When Hazelle doesn't kiss his forehead like she usually would, but simply sits down in a chair next to his bed and asks him how he's feeling, Gale realizes that they know about the bomb that killed Prim and so many others.

Rory's flying fists break Gale's nose. Rory's empty eyes break Gale's heart.

* * *

As Gale stands behind Katniss' chair and watches their reflections in the mirror, he can't help but wonder what happened to the boy and girl that met in the woods of District Twelve so many years ago.

 _Give me a reason to come back_ , he begs silently.  _Just a small sign that you still care, that's all I want. My future is in your hands._

But she doesn't give him anything except an accusing glare and he knows instinctively that the flaming shadow of a blue eyed girl will forever loom over them.

That's the moment which decides it for Gale. He won't return to Twelve. There is nothing left back there for him.

He smiles sadly but acceptingly at Katniss and says: "Shoot straight."

Before he leaves for good, his fingertips brush her cheek, touching her for the very last time.

* * *

When the last shot of the war hits the wrong president and the Mockingjay screams for her hunting partner to kill her, Gale doesn't react. The girl he once promised to look out for doesn't exist anymore – neither does the boy who made said promise.

* * *

They don't allow anyone to visit Katniss in her solitary confinement. Gale isn't sure if he would, even if he could. The more broken he sees her, the harder it'll be for him to let her go.

"They won't convict her, will they?" he asks Haymitch worriedly, the day before the public trial.

"Of course not," the older man answers grumpily. "Everyone thinks she's crazy – might even be right about it. They'll probably appoint some poor shrink to try and fix her and send her to a cosy little place where she doesn't get in anyone's way."

Gale nods silently. At least there's a slight chance that she might be okay someday, that she might have a peaceful life. That's more than he could offer her.

* * *

The freshly elected President Paylor stares Gale down mercilessly.

"So," she starts and folds her hands on the desk that separates them. "You are asking me for a position in civil service, Soldier Hawthorne?"

"Mister Hawthorne, please," he whispers in return. "I just can't stand to be called a solider anymore."

The President cocks an eyebrow. "There are a lot of people in the military who have a great deal of respect for you, Mr Hawthorne. Some even go as far as calling you a war hero." The sharp creases around her mouth as she presses her lips together indicate clearly that she doesn't share this opinion.

"I don't want to work for the military anymore," he answers firmly. "Beetee taught me a bit about engineering – I never had formal training in that profession, but I'm a quick learner and I'm willing to work hard." He knows he's begging now. Paylor knows it, too. She sighs.

"Alright then. I just appointed a rebuilding commission. I guess we could really use some help in District Two, rebuilding what's left of it after the collapse of the Nut. If you do a good job, I'll consider giving you your own projects and therefore more responsibility."

She watches Gale's reaction to those words closely, monitoring every hint of emotion on his face. And suddenly Gale remembers that she was one of the rebel leaders who voted  _against_  his plan to take the Nut during that phone conference back in Two.

He doesn't flinch when she tells him that he's expected to live and work amongst people whose friends, family and neighbours died a horrible death because of his actions and to look them in the eye, day after day, knowing he has caused their sorrow.

It's painfully obvious that President Paylor intends this job to be Gale's penance. He willingly accepts it.

* * *

That night, Gale haunts the corridors of the abandoned office building that's used as makeshift barracks like a ghost. He doesn't even realize his restless feet took him to Peeta's door until he's face to face with the sleepy blonde boy.

"I'm not going back to Twelve," he blurts out.

Peeta musters him curiously. "Because of her?" he asks.

"No," Gale answers. "Because of  _me_."

Peeta just nods, ever understanding, and Gale – unable to stop himself - continues: "Just promise me you'll take care of her. Promise me you'll never leave her, that you'll always have her back. Because there is one thing I know for certain – Katniss can't survive without you, Peeta."

* * *

His train leaves the next morning. When he's standing at the station, holding a small suitcase filled with everything he owns in this world, Gale is truly ready to leave behind his past. But the problem is that some parts of the past turn out to be quite clingy.

"I see you are still alive, gorgeous. And you even look quite sane. For a mass murderer, that is. I have to say, I'm impressed."

Gale turns around to find Johanna standing directly behind him.

"I'm  _not_ a mass murderer," he hisses. "I didn't want this bomb to be used. I didn't know."

"Yes, you are," she answers, not the slightest bit impressed by his tone. "You are a merciless, coldblooded killer – or, you'll be, with the years."

He blinks a few times. "What do you mean?"

She takes a step towards him, closing the gap between them. "Do you really not understand, gorgeous? Come on, use your pretty head!"

But Gale is tired and broken and absolutely not in the mood for her games. "Just tell me, Johanna."

"Isn't it obvious?" Her palm is flat on his chest now, right over his heart. "Katniss and Peeta will be remembered as the great heroes, the flaming role models whose bravery and spirit won our freedom. But people like you and me? What do you think how  _we_  will go down in the history books?" Johanna laughs a short, dry laugh. "Me, the crazy girl who split another kid's skull with an axe and grinned at the sight. You, the ruthless military strategist who blew up dozens of innocent children for the sake of victory."

"That's not true," Gale whispers, not looking at her. His hands are shaking with anger. "That's not who I am. I… I just felt helpless so often in my life. And when I finally had the chance to  _do_ something, I simply  _needed_ to take it! All I wanted to do was the right thing..."

"Well, you know what they say -  _the road to hell is paved with good intentions._ " Johanna shrugs. "I know you never meant any harm. But what about in a hundred years' time, when all your friends, all the people that knew you are dead? All that'll be left of us are the words of some daft historian who had no idea what was going on in our heads, who didn't understand anything, who just wrote down the obvious… and this is all future generations will ever learn about us. Slowly but inevitably we will become those images on the pages of the history books.

And you know what, gorgeous?"

Gale's heartbeat fastens under her touch. His eyes are glued to hers when she continues: " _It doesn't matter._ "

He bites his lip, trying to prevent a bitter laugh. "Doesn't it?  _Really_ , Johanna?"

"Of course it doesn't!" she shouts exasperatedly. A few other people at the station cast them curious looks. "We can't change anything about it, anyway. But what we can do, gorgeous, is  _live_. Don't you realize?" There's that fire in her eyes again, the glowing ember that reminds him so much of Katniss. "We are free – for the first time in our lives we are truly free to go wherever we want! So, let's be spiteful! Let's spit fate in the face and live the rest of our lives to the fullest! Who cares what other people think! "

It's the first time Gale Hawthorne sees Johanna Mason truly excited; genuinely  _happy._ She might be even more broken than him – and if she can manage to live again, so can he.

"Where are you planning to go?" he asks.

She shrugs. "District Four, when Annie has the baby. Promised to help her out. Until then…" She shrugs again and points at Gale's luggage. "What about you?"

"District Two. Got a job offer there."

"Ugh, District Two? You sure about that? You know, after…" There is a vague hand gesture.

Now it's Gale's turn to shrug.

"I never assumed it would be easy."

He stays silent for a while, just staring at Johanna, searching her face for a hint of an emotion that's hidden beneath her carefully built façade. Then he continues, slowly, carefully, as if testing the waters: "Would be easier if I had a friend…"

It wasn't really meant as an invitation, but that doesn't keep Johanna from taking it.

She rests her head on Gale's shoulder as they stare silently out of the train window, watching the Capitol get smaller and smaller and finally vanquish in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't believe it, but we have actually reached the end. Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through all 34 chapters - and especially all the people who left kudos or comments!.   
> This is the last regular chapter of the fic, but there is an epilogue which I had in mind before I even started writing the story. I'll post that tomorrow (as an additional chapter to this fic and maybe also as a standalone story), in case anyone is interested in reading it.


	35. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the epilogue. I published shortly after Chapter 34 so you might have missed that. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE READ CHAPTER 34 BEFORE YOU START READING THE EPILOGUE :)

**Epilogue**

 

Johanna stays with Gale.

It isn't a perfect relationship - how could it ever be, with two broken people like them? But it works, somehow. They fight, they yell, they throw plates at each other. Rarely a month passes without one of them storming out of the house in the middle of the night, threatening to never come back. But they always do, and that's what matters.

They never marry, though. Johanna thinks it's ridiculous and Gale thinks it's unnecessary.

* * *

When Johanna tells him she is pregnant, it's a shock. Gale calls off from work and disappears into the woods for a few days. He sleeps under the stars, hunts his own food, and makes up his mind. And he realizes how much he has missed having a family.

When he returns to civilisation, he tells Johanna for the first time that he loves her.

* * *

When their daughter is born, Gale thinks back to the night, all those years ago, when he helped to bring Posy into this world. How different everything had been back then, how infinitely more hopeless… Gale's child will be part of a whole new generation, a generation that will be able to grow up free and in peace. He is proud because he knows he helped to enable this.

The only connection to District 12 the little girl has is the olive skin she inherited from her father. He's glad that she has Johanna's golden brown eyes instead of his grey ones.

Neither one of her parents intends to take the little baby girl to their respective home Districts. Too many bad memories there, they both agree.

They give her a typical District 2 name: Aurora. To them, she is the dawn of a new day.

* * *

Hazelle calls once a week. After Aurora is born, she even takes Vick and Posy for a visit to Two. Rory refuses to come. Whatever there had been between Primrose and him, losing her has broken him.

Gale hates himself for bringing so much sorrow onto his brother, but he also knows that Rory is still young and he will get over it someday. Gale would know, he has a lot of experience with broken hearts.

* * *

Aurora grows up.

Life in Panem moves on. Brand new buildings rise into the sky everywhere, new trees are planted, new jobs created.

The people move on, too.

Hazelle's calls become less frequent and before they know it they only talk once or twice a year. Posy was still a little kid when Gale left 12 and time blurs her memories of him. Soon he is nothing more than a boy in an old, yellowed and slightly burned family portrait in the living room who lives far away and sends her expensive birthday presents.

Gale would love to see her grow up, but Hazelle doesn't want to move to Two and Gale hates visiting Twelve. He feels like a stranger anytime he does. This place isn't his home anymore.

* * *

Gale and Johanna receive invitations to various weddings.

First Haymitch and Effie Trinket (Gale frowns at the letter unbelievingly, while Johanna bursts out in laughter and mumbles something about  _that sneaky old bastard finally getting her_ ).

Then, Annie Odair. She gets engaged to a man from Four, but the relationship doesn't even last until the wedding. For her, there will only ever be Finnick.

Vick surprises his brother by falling in love with a young man. Gale accepts it without hesitation, but what's really bothering him is that he doesn't know his brother well enough anymore to have noticed his preferences earlier.

When a card arrives that announces the wedding of Mr Peeta Mellark and Miss Katniss Everdeen, Gale takes a long walk through the forest.

Saying he didn't have any feelings left for Katniss would be a lie - wounds like these might heal, but they always leave a scar.

But it doesn't matter. He has Johanna and Aurora and he loves both of them dearly. Katniss and Peeta deserve the same peace Gale has found.

The Hawthornes don't attend the wedding, though. Johanna doesn't want to risk re-opening old wounds. Sometimes Gale is afraid she doesn't trust him.

* * *

Aurora is shocked when she learns who her parents are, no, who they  _were_. Gale can barely stand the horrified expression on her face when they tell her about their parts in the Games and the war, stories about axes and bombs.

After they're finished, Gale wants to hug his daughter, but she shoves him away, yelling: "Don't you dare to touch me!" and storms out of the house.

She returns hours later.

"I was at the library, doing some research, about the reign of the Capitol and the war and everything…" she says. "And I came to the conclusion…" She looks up at Gale. "That you did what you had to do."

This time, she accepts his embrace. Gale is relieved. He doesn't care what the rest of the nation thinks of him, but he needs his daughter's acceptance.

* * *

He has his bad moments, of course.

There are nights when nightmares full of fire and explosions and screams of burning people rip him out of his sleep. Those nights, he sneaks into his daughter's room and watches her breathe peacefully.

There are days when he's eaten up with guilt and self-hate. Those days, he works until he his exhausted, feeling better knowing that he is making up for everything he destroyed.

* * *

But no matter how dark the night, in the end the sun always rises again. Day after day goes by. Then, the days become weeks and the weeks become years and the years become decades.

One morning Gale stands in front of the mirror and stares at his face. It is full of furrows and wrinkles. Where has his youth gone all of a sudden? There are grey streaks in his dark hair. Wasn't he 20 just some time ago?

"Don't worry, gorgeous," Johanna says, putting her arms around his waist from behind. "You're still handsome."

Gale turns around and kisses her softly on the forehead.

"No, I am not," he answers with a small smile. "And I think I quite like it that way."

* * *

Aurora becomes a landscape architect and marries a farmer from Ten. Marrying a person from another District - that wouldn't even have been possible before the war.

Gale smiles when he realizes how much Panem has changed for the better.

* * *

He knows he has grown old when the wedding invitations in the mail are replaced by death notices.

Haymitch is the first one to die. It doesn't really surprise anyone - all those years of drinking finally paid back.

A few months later, it's Beetee. Gale stands at his friend's and mentor's grave, paying his last respects and musing about how time flies by when you're happy.

It feels like only yesterday when he was standing in that laboratory with Beetee, excited about their  _ingenious_ plans, a young man, eager to fight a war...

Then, another year later, Gale gets a call from Vick informing him that their mother has passed away.

Gale cries at Hazelle's funeral. He knows how much she would've loved to be buried next to her husband, but his father's remains are still lost a mile below the ground, where the mines once stood.

After Hazelle is buried, Gale breaks with his old life once and for all. He doesn't visit Katniss, Peeta and their children. And he never sets another foot into District 12 for the rest of his life.

* * *

In the end it's the heart that kills Gale. He's had a hard, stressful life and one night it's just too weak to keep going any longer.

If somebody had told him 50 years ago that he would die in District Two, in a bed with Johanna Mason - he would've laughed at them.

His life has indeed been very different from what he imagined back then… As a kid, he thought it would all be about growing up, marrying, working in the mines, trying to put food on the table. In the end, his life turned out to be so much more than that. So much more madness. So much more fire. And so much better than he'd ever thought.

During his last moments, Gale thinks of his family: Of his father who died trying to provide for his wife and children - would he be proud of his eldest son? His mother, who was so strong and so brave and whom he owes so much. The siblings he loves and would happily die for.

He thinks of his miner friend Thom, with his dirty jokes and his sick lung, who is long gone now; and he thinks of the women in his life. Heather, his first crush, taken from him by the Games. Katniss, the admirable, strong hunter who just wanted to live in peace and overturned a whole nation by accident instead. Madge, the girl that was his only light during dark hours and died in a burst of flames. Johanna. The crazy killer who turned out to be the one to stay with him until the end.

And of course he thinks of the daughter he never expected to have. The daughter who was able to grow up in a world without oppression and the constant fight for survival.

Gale's life wasn't perfect, no. He has suffered, he has lost, he has made mistakes. He has done and seen things that haunted him for the rest of his life. But, the point is - the world is better now than it was before. Not perfect, but certainly better.

They managed to make a change, and that was worth every sacrifice.

Gale is satisified with the path he chose. He has worked hard and seen the fruits of his work in the sparkling eyes of his daughter and grandchildren. He's done enough and can finally go to sleep, knowing that his life didn't go to waste.

Gale Hawthorne dies peacefully with a smile on his face.

 

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's it.
> 
> Just to clarify something - this whole epilogue is basically just me being a shameless Gale/Johanna fangirl. While I always liked Gale as a character, I was one of those people who wanted Katniss to end up with Peeta and NOT Gale (and I still firmly stick to this opinion for a lot of reasons).   
> But while I was reading Catching Fire for the first time I thought 'Wow, this Johanna girl is awesome! Her and Gale would make a kickass couple!'. And boom - an OTP was born.   
> I know it's not the most popular pairing but I personally love it and I really wanted to write a story where Jo and Gale get a happy ending together. I realize that this is probably not what Suzanne Collins had in mind, nor the most logical character development, but I simply enjoyed writing it - and I hope some of you maybe enjoyed reading it.
> 
> So for one last time - thank you all so much for reading!


End file.
